Page 45

Chapter Forty-Four

Tobias

Someone injected my veins with ice when I wasn’t looking.

Every inch of me is freezing, yet I feel so numb.

I can hardly walk straight even as I force my feet to put one in front of the other.

It’s like they have a mind of their own and each one gained a hundred pounds.

I hadn’t unpacked my bag, so I grab it from the bed, but when I turn around, Theo is there.

“Please, don’t go,” he pleads, eyes red and watery.

How dare he ask me that?

I shake my head, trying to go around him. I have nothing to say to him. He moves in front of me, blocking my path. “Please, Tobias. Please don’t leave.”

“Move,” I grit out, looking at the spot beyond his ear because I can’t look at him in the face.

I can’t believe he lied to me.

I can't believe I believed him.

“Please,” he chokes out. “I can explain. ”

“There’s nothing to explain,” I growl. “I… trusted you,” I hiss, hating how weak I sound—hating how much this hurts.

I truly thought Brandon was the only person who could hurt me.

I didn’t think Theo would ever do this, but…

he’s been lying to me this whole time. He’s been cheating this entire time, even though he knew how I felt about it.

I opened up to him about what happened with my parents, the only person I ever told, and this is how I’m treated in return? I'm disgusted.

“Tobias—”

“No!” I shout, moving closer to him. He takes a step back, cowering. “I refuse to be your dirty little secret.”

“You’re not!” he shouts back. “You’re not, Tobias. You’re the only thing that has ever felt right.”

I shake my head, trying to move around him again, but he won’t let me.

I’m trapped in this damn room because he won’t let me leave.

My hands itch to throw him out of the way, but I won’t put my hands on him.

I won’t hurt him like that. I’d rather jump out the window than touch him again, for any reason.

“I’ve n-never felt this way before,” he says quickly, his cheeks stained with tears.

He swipes at them but they keep pouring out of his beautiful green eyes.

“I can breathe when I’m with you. You’re it for me.

You, Tobias. It’s you. Please don’t leave.

I will do anything. Just… stay with me. Let me make this right. ”

I take a step back, then look right into his watery eyes. “You don’t get to say shit like that after what you did. You get to go back to your perfect little life in the wake of this mess, while I’ll be picking up the shattered pieces of my heart for the rest of my goddamn life.”

I shove past him at that point, knowing it's my only option, going right for the front door. From the corner of my eye, I see Biscuit watching, confused. It hurts my heart knowing I'll never get to see that sweet girl again. I should take her with me. Theo doesn't deserve her.

The rain is so heavy I can’t see two feet in front of me, but I just go.

I can’t stay here another second. There are no stores in the area, but after walking a few blocks, I come across a bus stop and I sit in the cover to get out of the rain.

Not that it matters; I'm already soaked to the bone. I pull my phone from my pocket. It’s wet, but thankfully, it still works.

The worst part is getting my shaking fingers to work properly and put in the info for a car.

I think I fall asleep while I wait, or maybe I just disassociate the entire time, who knows. When the car pulls up, I’m grateful for the heat and the towels. A lot of cars in the area have towels because people get caught in the rain all the time, and this one is no different.

“I promise I’ll give you a big tip,” I mutter, closing my eyes as I hug the towel close to me for warmth. I still feel so cold though.

“You look rough, my friend. Getting caught in the rain ain’t so bad. At least you’re still breathing,” the older male driver comments.

Am I though? Because I don’t feel like it.

I’m still numb by the time I get home. My phone won’t stop ringing, so I shut it off before getting into the shower. I turn the water as hot as it’ll go. It’s scorching my skin, but I don’t feel a damn thing. Or maybe I just don't care.

Theo lied to me.

The thought has me violent, but I don’t have the energy to act on it. All I can imagine is putting my fist through this tile, but I can hardly stand up, never mind punch something.

The water runs cold before the warmth is able to seep into my bones. I get out, put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and crawl into bed.

The rain sounds like someone pounding on my door, so I wake up too many times during the night thinking Theo is here, threatening to knock down the door if I don’t open it. When I realize there’s no one there, I can’t decide if I’m relieved or disappointed. Maybe both.

He lied to me, and he lied to his fiancée. He was cheating on her the entire time…

I still can’t wrap my head around him not caring about my feelings on the matter.

Especially because I offered to be his friend.

We could have stayed that way until he was ready…

I would have helped him. If he was scared, I would have let him lean on me, but he never even asked.

He chose to take this road. After everything, he chose to hurt me.

I wasn’t enough for him to be truthful with.

I guess I’m just not a person who deserves respect—from anyone.

I force myself to go back to sleep over and over until it’s getting dark again. I have no idea why I’m allowing myself to sit here and be depressed.

A glance at the clock tells me I have twenty minutes before my car will be here to bring me to a date.

For the first time since I started working at Foxy’s, I consider not going, but I won’t do that to her, and it’s entirely unfair to the client.

I also don’t want to risk my job over someone who doesn’t give a shit about me.

So I drag myself out of bed to take the quickest shower of my life. I’m re-buttoning my shirt for the third time, because I’m so groggy I keep buttoning it crooked, when my doorbell rings. I already know it’s the driver. I grab my phone, even though it’s still off, and head out.

“Hey, sorry about that, Allen. My phone is dead.”

“No problem, sir. I was a little worried. You’re usually on time.”

“Rough day,” I say with a tired smile.

I’m half asleep for the ride to the restaurant, and thankfully we don’t hit any traffic, which is a miracle for a Friday evening. Because I’m early, I’m able to pop into the bathroom to splash some water on my face to wake the hell up. Maybe tonight I'll choose coffee over alcohol.

I wait up front for my date and pretend to look out the floor to ceiling windows. Cars and people pass, but it's all a blur. I'm afraid if I sit, I'll fall asleep.

When I see a man around my age walk in stiffly, his suit tailored to perfection, I know he’s the guy. He walks directly to the podium to speak with the host. She smiles and gestures toward me. The gentleman turns to look at me, taking me in. He’s a good looking guy with hard features but soft eyes.

“Thank you for being on time,” he says, offering me his hand. “Bradford Weir.”

“Tobias Grant.” I shake it with a smirk, then follow the host to a table.

This feels more like a business meeting than a date, but whatever he’s into is fine with me. I order a coffee and a whiskey, while he gets just a whiskey. I thought of not drinking at all, but if I ever needed alcohol, it's today.

Bradford is a handsome guy. If I had to guess, I'd say late forties, early fifties. His hair is greying around the temples and in his beard. It suits him well.

“So, how is the business of dating?” he asks.

“Lucrative,” I respond. It’s my go-to answer for the question. I don’t do this for the fun of it. It’s the money that keeps me coming back .

He smirks. “I can imagine so. The website is full of men to choose from, all with schedules that are nearly impossible to get into.”

“Foxy picks her men well.”

He grins, making a show of looking me over as the waiter brings our drinks.

“She sure does.”

This conversation is feeling a bit weird. Not bad, just not like a date. Maybe that’s why he’s doing it? Needs some practice? I’m not here to judge, I’m only here to be his date.

“What has you looking for a date?” I ask.

“Is there something better to do on a Friday night in Seattle?” he responds.

“I wouldn’t really know. Can’t remember the last time I didn’t work a Friday night.” I sip my coffee before reaching for my whiskey but pause before bringing it to my lips. “Are you new to the area?”

He huffs out a laugh. “God no. Who would move here willingly?”

“Plenty of people," I answer. "Why not leave if you don’t like it?”

“Business keeps me.”

“Fair.”

“Do you enjoy the area?”

I give a small shrug as I add cream to my coffee. “I don’t hate it. It’s home, and, like you, work is here. ”

The waiter comes back a few moments later and we put in our orders.

I don’t actually feel like eating anything, so I get a plate of pasta since that will be okay to reheat and eat later, if I don’t finish it.

The food comes quickly, and I take a few bites.

Normally, I’d be more talkative, but I’m in a foul mood and he seems content not constantly chatting.

We’re halfway through our meals before we start talking again.

“My husband is ill,” he says out of nowhere, causing me to nearly drop my fork.

I put it down and grab my napkin to wipe my mouth.

I'm about to walk the fuck out of this restaurant.

If one more person who has a significant other tries dating me, I may lose my mind.

However, I don't know the circumstances so I keep my cool and respond.

“I’m so sorry.”

I’m shocked not only by his admission but the personal nature of it. This man has come across as distant, which is why the whole thing has felt like a business transaction and not a date.

“He’s, uhm…” Bradford clears his throat.

“He only has a month or so left to live. He’s made me promise I’ll find someone after he goes, and so…

here I am.” He clears his throat again, reaching for his whiskey, before adding, “Not that I’m looking for a relationship with you, but Andrew and I have been together for so long that I think I forgot how to do this. ”

“You aren’t doing so bad,” I say, offering a smile.

He shakes his head. “I’m doing awful.”

I chuckle, and so does he.

“Well, you’re moving in the right direction.

A smile is the way to go.” I lean forward.

“I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this.

I can’t imagine it being easy. Just remember that if living a life with someone else won’t be fulfilling or make you happy, then you don’t have to do it.

Not everyone needs someone to make them happy. ”

“May I ask you a personal question?” he says, after thinking a moment.

“You can, but it doesn’t mean I’ll answer.”

Smiling, he says, “Do you have a partner?”

“No,” I answer quickly.

“Why not?”

“I like my job,” I answer easily, the same way I do when someone asks me that. I ignore the fact that I’m dealing with a heartbreak, that is the exact reminder of why I don’t do the serious relationship thing. I made a mistake. I never should have let things with me and Theo go so far.

“That’s a practiced line.”

Oh, he called me out. Damnit.

“What makes you say that?”

“No one likes their job. Not unless they’re porn stars or zookeepers.

And a job certainly isn’t worth more than having a partner to share your life with.

” He leans back, tapping on the table with his pointer finger.

“Someone hurt you.” I don’t respond to that.

It's too fresh. His eyes narrow. “I was there once, too. Guarded. Walls up. Then I met Andrew, and he had the ability to walk right through my walls. Like magic.”

His words are hitting close to home, a little too soon. So I pick up my whiskey and shoot all of it back, gesturing for another when the server walks by.

“Sorry,” he says, watching me carefully. “I’m not trying to upset you or ruin this, I just… think love is worth it when you find it.”

“And when the person you love doesn’t love you back?” I say before I even think about what I’m saying.

For a moment, I thought Theo loved me. I thought he felt the way I felt. But you don’t lie to those you love and you certainly don’t hurt them. You don't take their biggest fear and shove it in their face.

Bradford regards me for a long moment, before saying, “Sometimes it isn’t them not loving you back, it’s them not knowing how to.”