Page 96

Chapter

Sixty-Five

Liv

B rekt had taken me again in front of the fireplace. Then again, against the wall. His strength was no surprise, but his creativity was. Eventually, we ran out of crystals and didn’t wish to push our luck.

Deliciously sore, my body showed the evidence of our night together. Wrapped in a blanket, I tucked myself into Brekt’s side on the balcony of my suite, star gazing.

The crown of Erabas shone in the southern sky. A way forward . We had a way forward. Tomorrow, Maev and I would leave for the first shrine of Mayra, one that didn’t appear on current maps. I was excited and terrified.

I was terrified because the Guards were meeting us there.

“The whole world thinks we are enemies.” My cheek was pressed against his bare chest, my legs wrapped around his. Skin to skin, I let my hand explore every inch of him, learning each muscle of his body.

His deep timbre vibrated through me when he replied. “Don’t get caught up in the details.”

“Those are big details.”

His arm squeezed me tighter to him. “We should be used to big details by now. You’re the Ikhor, I’m the Aspis. We can control the details. One is that you are mine, and I don’t give a fuck what the world thinks of us.”

I buried my smile against his warm skin. “Tonight …” I wasn’t sure how to ask what was on my mind. But I tried anyway. “Was that you or … was part of it the Aspis?”

Brekt was silent, and I was too afraid to look up at him. Until I realized his chest was vibrating—he was laughing at me.

“Are you worried you were making love with the god’s creation?”

“Yes, and I want to know for certain how much of it was real—how much was you.”

Brekt kissed the top of my head. “All of it was real, Liv. Every moment. The Aspis may have invaded my body at times, but never my heart or my intentions. Everything I did tonight was out of my own desires. It would have been no different between us if I wasn’t possessed. Of this, I am certain.”

I thought of all the dirty things he’d said and done. “So you’re always that … creative?” I was happy he couldn’t see my face. Heat rushed to my cheeks.

“Was it to your liking?”

I lifted my head, surprised to hear the worry in his tone. “Oh, yes. Completely.”

A slow smile spread across his face, stretching the scar running down to his jaw.

“Good. Because I have a strong feeling it will always be that way between us. It was in my dreams when I saw you. The Aspis has taken control of my body, but it doesn’t stifle my heart.

Tonight was just you and I, with our powers reacting to emotions we both felt. ”

He didn’t say what that emotion was, and neither did I.

My head fell to his chest once more, and we were both silent for several long minutes.

His fingers trailed through my hair. “When did it begin to fade?” He spoke in a low voice.

A breeze tickled my feet, and I pulled my blanket closer. “One of the twins first noticed my eyes and hair was beginning to change. Maybe a few weeks after you died.”

“Hmmm.”

“What?”

“I knew I was the Aspis since I was a young man. I held the beast for many years more than you’ve been the Ikhor. I’m worried your magic hasn’t settled yet.”

I sat up. Brekt was laying with his arm behind his head, his legs crossed at the ankles. The light of the moon and stars set the balcony in greys and blues. The soft wind blew his hair into his face, and I pushed it back. “What if I become fully possessed?”

His muscles flexed with the heavy breath he took. “If you truly fade?”

I nodded.

“If you are no longer yourself … what would you have me do?”

“You know what you have to do. The Aspis has to kill me. I don’t know what the magic will do to the world when I no longer control it.”

Brekt pulled me back down, and I closed my eyes while he held me tight. “I could say I will honour your wishes, but I don’t know if I could.”

“We don’t have to talk about it. Until then, we have a good plan.”

“It’s a plan based on the hope we might find a better plan in a hidden shrine. If I were running the show, I would not be searching shrines for the answers on how to save you.”

I smiled. “What would the Guard of the Aspis do?”

“I’d kill the gods and keep the magic.”

“What?” I sat up again, this time crossing my legs and facing him. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, keeping a modest portion over his midsection. Not that he would mind lying naked in front of me. I had learned he wasn’t ashamed, and he shouldn’t be.

“They made this whole mess,” he said. “Maybe with their deaths, the magic and the beast would disappear.”

“Now, who’s planning on a hunch?”

“I’d rather fight my way out of this than explore.”

“What would the others do?”

He knew I meant the other Guards. Or, more specifically, a particular Guard. He gave me a knowing look. “Nuo would talk me out of fighting. He was the smart one. We’re right to include him in our search of the shrines.”

“Well, Maev is pretty smart too. She and her friend were the ones who thought of this plan in the first place.” I paused a moment, hesitating. “Does Nuo know you’re here?”

“Yes. He was pissy when I came back. And when I left.”

“Isn’t that a bit childish? By now, he should be over it … somewhat.”

“That’s Nuo when he’s angry. He’s not rational, but it’s mostly talk. Did he do anything to hurt you?”

“He said things that hurt me.” Would Brekt understand words were as hurtful as actions?

“I know that perhaps you don’t want to consider his situation, but remember, he was raised without love or protection, and everything he has is thanks to his own hard work. He fought for who he is today. That’s why you and him became such close friends so quickly.”

“Oh yeah?”

Brekt’s hand snuck under the blanket and made a delicious path up and down my leg.

“You both fight to have the best of this world when you’ve been shown the worst. I didn’t fight as Nuo did.

He was the reason I survived this long. He doesn’t handle his deeper emotions well, much like someone else I care for. ”

I searched the sky for the stars I knew as a child. My chest hurt as a weight pressed down on it, squeezing that box tight and threatening to set the emotions loose. I had grown up under pressure to act one way in front of others, while my mother pushed me to be so much more.

When she left—it was watching her die that I learned how to hate people.

I hated the Keepers so thoroughly that they would never receive pity or understanding from me.

I lived for years alone, knowing weeks-long silence, hearing only the wind and the birds until my mind went crazy.

Sometimes, the loneliness was so bad my vision blurred.

I would cry so hard, and no one ever heard.

Would I have been different if I’d had someone like Brekt?

Those were thoughts I should have written in my journal. I needed to stop dwelling on the past.

“You were also the reason Nuo survived,” I said around a lump in my throat. I missed my friend, and it hurt as much as the hate I felt for those who tried to push me down.

“Can you get past your anger with him for the things he said and did? He chased the Ikhor across the world. Not you.”

“I’ve seen hate, in all forms, on the faces of many. Nuo’s hate was one I understood—one born out of hurt. That kind of hate can be cured. With time.”

“You will find that time. We all will.” Brekt stroked the soft skin of my neck, giving me a look that scared me. I didn’t want to know what he was thinking.

“You believe that.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m making the rules now. My life will be my own. And I’ll make the rules for you, too, if you ask it of me.”

He was so open compared to before. I had only known him for a short time before his death, and it was not who was lying next to me.

“You were scared to touch me once. Was that because you knew you were the Aspis?”

He let out a long sigh. “I knew what would happen to me. And that I would be leaving you with nothing. I didn’t want you to remember me that way—as someone selfish.”

“I wouldn’t have minded you being selfish. When I thought you were dead, all I could think of was how we didn’t have more memories together.”

“My death caused you pain. I could have saved you from that. Would it not have been better to have left you in the Last City after we first found you?”

“To become the Ikhor anyways?”

Brekt went silent. The moonlight set a strong contrast to his once-tanned skin and dark hair. It had been too long since he’d walked in the sun. He was looking more like the Night-legs from the cave paintings.

I played with the blanket around my shoulders. “What would you have done once we faced each other in battle? If you hadn’t found me then. Would you have killed me?”

“I … I don’t know.”

That stopped me. “You would have, wouldn’t you.” Of course, he would have. He wouldn’t have known me. I would have been as bad as the Aethar.

“Liv, you’re making hypotheticals.”

“No, I’m asking if you regret getting to know me. That is the only reason I am alive, and we are here.”

He sat up, grabbing my face between two hands. “I don’t regret that I am here.”

“I could be the reason you die. One of us may kill the other.”

He stroked his thumbs along my wet cheeks. “You forget who you’re sitting next to. What I am—a Guard. Have you ever seen me back down or cower in fear? I am not afraid of you, little evil, nor will I give in and take your life. Look at what we accomplished tonight.”

The deep tone in his voice reminded me how powerful this man was. And at that moment, when I was afraid, he snapped me out of it with his strength.

He stroked the hair back from my face, leaning in slowly and kissing me softly. His hands found my arms over the blanket, and he held me tight while he ran kisses across my face. “Fate didn’t stop me. The magic didn’t stop me. The gods can’t fucking stop me. I’ll end this.”

I looked him dead in the eye. “Promise?”

The iridescence flashed as he replied, “I promise you everything. For every life you ever live.”