Page 55

Her breathing is starting to even out, and as much as I want to stay…I can’t.

Harper is at home with Madeline and I told her I’d be home by one. It’s already after midnight, and I’m either going to need to walk home or wait for my own Uber, so I need to get on my way.

I lean over and press my lips to her temple. “I need to go,” I murmur.

She jolts a little, as if she was almost asleep when I spoke. “Oh. Right.”

“It’s not because—” I begin, and she holds up a hand.

“No explanation necessary. This wasn’t anything anyway.”

I feel a little hurt by her words, not that I’d ever admit that to her. But it was something, and to hear her dismiss it like that feels somehow wrong.

I don’t correct her, though. Why bother? I may as well live up to what she thinks about me anyway.

“Right.” I leap out of bed with the sudden need to get away from her, and I locate my clothes. I dress quickly while she lays there naked, all the while trying to come up with something— anything to say to somehow sum up what’s in my head right now.

But I’m drawing a blank.

There’s a reason I’ve never had a girlfriend. There’s a reason I’ve never done anything serious before. There’s a reason I’ve never wanted to do anything serious before.

And there’s a reason why I hold fast and steady to the rules I put in place myself.

I broke one of them tonight.

I let feelings get involved.

I’ll know better next time. I won’t make that mistake again.

“Well, bye,” I say.

She balks a little from her place on the bed, and her mouth flaps open and shut.

Seems I’m not the only one without words.

I turn and storm out of her bedroom, not sure why I’m acting like a child but also unable to change it.

She leaps out of bed and follows me toward her front door. She grabs a robe on her way, and she’s slipping into it as she races me to the door.

“Wait,” she demands.

I set my hand on the knob then turn around to look at her, and she’s a goddamn vision standing there in a hot pink silky robe, her dark blonde hair streaked with lighter rays of pearl all sex-messed and her make-up smudged, her eyes squinting in the bright light she flicked on when we walked in together well over an hour ago after nearly passing out in her dark bedroom just now.

It’s not the neat, well-put together Victoria Hartley I’ve come to know.

No…this is the one I think I might’ve fallen in love with tonight.

It’s a heavy, heavy word in my mind, and I push it away immediately.

“What?” I ask, my voice as tired as I feel. I’m not just beat from the alcohol and the sex. What we did tonight emotionally drained me, too, and I’m just not up for another battle with her right now.

She sighs, and then she shakes her head as she averts her gaze. “Nothing."

I nod and press my lips together, and then I turn the handle and walk out the door without another word.

I walk home, wondering the entire way what she was going to say.

I guess I’ll never know.

It’s only a few blocks, and when I walk in the front door, the house is quiet. I trip over Harper’s shoes, and I find Madeline on her phone on my couch.

The family room is a mess. It’s like every toy I’ve bought Harper since she moved in is on the floor, and Madeline didn’t bother picking anything up after she got her down to bed.

She glances up from her phone when she sees me walk into the room.

“How’d it go?” I ask, glancing around at the mess.

“Great. She went to bed about a half hour ago.”

I glance at my watch. “You let her stay up until midnight on a school night?”

“Was that not okay?” she asks. She scrunches up her face apologetically, and right now I’m too beat to care.

“Uh, no, not really.” Like I know virtually nothing about kids, but even I know midnight is probably a little late for a ten-year-old who has to get up at six-thirty in the morning. “And what’s with the mess?”

“She wanted to show me her favorite things.”

“Maybe next time you can help her put them away?” I suggest. I’m not exactly what we’d call a neat freak, but I do like things to be in their place. Maybe it’s part of having a routine, of everything having its place since it makes sense to me that way instead of the chaos I’m seeing here.

Ellie recommended her , I remind myself. Well, Ellie’s nanny recommended her.

Maybe I just need to train her.

It was good to get out tonight. Maybe the end result wasn’t really what I was looking for, but I did have what I’d call the very best sex of my life.

And maybe I have some weird feelings rolling through my chest, but it could just be from the tequila.

In fact, I’m certain that’s what it is.

“Well, have a good night,” I tell her dismissively. I want to ask more questions and I want to find out how things went, but a bigger part of me just wants her to go so I can be alone. “I’ll Venmo you some cash for your time.”

“I can help clean up if you’d like.”

I shrug. “Nah. It’ll be a great weekend project for the kid.”

She laughs like I just told a funny joke when it’s my actual plan, and I walk her to do the door.

Once she’s gone, I check on Harper, find her fast asleep in my bed, and I sink onto the couch and stare up at the ceiling as I try to decide if tonight was incredible or if it was the biggest mistake of my life.

The answer is no clearer in the morning.

I drive Harper to school in a sleepy haze, but I do start up a conversation with the girl who is equally as sleepy as me.

“Did you like Madeline?” I ask from the front seat.

“Yeah, she was great. She let me do whatever I wanted.”

“I saw that,” I say dryly. “You’ll be spending your weekend cleaning up your mess.”

“I figured,” she mutters.

“Are you tired from staying up so late last night?”

“Yeah,” she admits.

“Maybe we stick to our regular bedtime, then,” I suggest.

“You should, too. You’re as cranky as me this morning.”

She’s not wrong.

I head back home to sleep it all off, but I find I’m restless. I think about texting my friends, but I can’t think of anybody in town I’d want to talk to about what happened last night.

The only one I’d trust with any of it is Tristan, but he’s in Iowa and I don’t want to bother him when he’s with his family.

Besides, what happened should stay between her and me. I’m not ready to talk about it. I’m not ready to address the feelings I felt during it or the disappointment I felt after when she brushed me off.

But maybe I can talk to Evan about Madeline and the whole nanny situation. I’m not sure she’s the right choice, and I’m also not sure how to find any sort of balance to my life now that I have Harper. Evan is the only guy I know with a ten-year-old daughter, so he seems like about the only guy who might get some of what I’m going through even though he has a wife to lean on and share the workload with.

He agrees to meet me at the gym next to the Complex for a workout, so I eat a quick breakfast and head that direction.

He’s already there when I arrive, and he’s working on squats. I head in his direction and start with some stretching to warm up.

“Hey,” I say when I see him.

He finishes his squats then turns to me. “You doing okay?”

I shrug.

“What’s going on, man?”

I wonder for a beat why he’d ask that, and I realize it’s probably written all over my face. I blow out a breath. “I did trial run with a potential nanny last night, and I’m not sure it’s going to be a good fit.”

“That’s rough, man. I’m sorry.” He presses his lips together.

“Trudy does it all when you’re in season?”

He nods. “Truth be told she does it all when I’m not in season, too. But yeah, she takes it all on.”

“You’re lucky,” I murmur. “And I…I’m floundering. I’ll need help, and soon. We’ve got mini camp coming up next month now, and then camp in July. You know how it goes.”

“That Thursday night sleepover worked out if you want to try that again. We could even make that a regular thing if you need some help.”

“I appreciate that. But I can’t put that on you. You’ve got your own shit going on.” I stand and do some lunges.

“Dude, it keeps Bella occupied. Otherwise it’s all, Dad, watch this , or Mom, come here all night. Props to you for doing it all.”

I chuckle. “I’m new at it, and I can’t honestly say I’m excelling at doing it all so far. I need help, and I don’t even know where to turn to find it.”

“How’d you meet the nanny you tried out last night?” he asks.

“Ellie Dalton. She’s got a couple of kids and she gave me a list of potentials. I picked three to interview and the one last night was the hottest.” I say it to play it off like a joke, and he laughs.

But I wish I didn’t make the joke. It’s a peek of the old Travis coming through, and I just feel like that’s not really me anymore.

“Hottest doesn’t always mean the best at caring for your child,” he points out. “That’s why I really lucked out with my wife. Hot and a good mom.”

Why those words provoke an instant image of Victoria Hartley as she was moving her pussy over my face last night, I’ll never know. But it does, and I pop a boner, and I sort of hate my life right now.

She’s hot, yeah. And she’s good with kids. She probably would’ve cleaned up the mess Harper made last night before I got home.

“Do you, uh…do you think there’s a conflict of interest in asking one of the teachers at Harper’s school to help out?” I ask.

He strokes his beard for a beat as he considers my question.

I stop lunging and start calf raises.

“Do you mean Ms. Miller?” he asks.

I shake my head. “The reading teacher, Hartley. She’s been working one-on-one with Harper because of some reading issues and Harper has really taken to her.”

His brows dip. “Have you taken to her, too?”

I stop my calf raises, a little surprised he so easily picked up on that. “You’re new around these parts, so let me fill you in, man. Travis Woods doesn’t do relationships. You feel me?”

He wiggles his brows. “Until the right woman comes along.”

I sputter out some pfft sound as I act like that’s something that’ll never happen when I’m pretty damn sure it did.

“Well, you asked my opinion, so here it is. There’s no conflict of interest if it isn’t her classroom teacher and as long as you don’t have feelings for her.” He shrugs.

“Why would it be bad if I did?”

“I knew it!” he accuses, narrowing his eyes at me.

I shrug, refusing to either confirm or deny it.

“Listen, man. Kids are resilient, but they’re also incredibly emotional. Harper has been through a lot, and if she’s taken a liking to an adult here, you don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize that.”

My eyes dart away toward the window. Would Victoria Hartley riding my face count as jeopardizing that?

“Unless, of course, we’re having this talk a little too late. Are we having this talk a little too late?”

I blow out a breath. “Potentially.”

“Figured as much, Mr. I Don’t Do Relationships.”

I huff out a laugh.

“It’s not just Harper who has been through a lot, man. You went from a single dude hell bent on staying single to being a single father overnight with zero transition period. Trudy and I are happy to help out where we can, so I’m serious about the Thursday night thing. Josh mentioned to me how the Wide Receivers used to get together for weekly dinners, and Cory was talking about your single Thursday night crew. If you want to get back to some of the things that make your life feel normal, take me up on what I’m offering—at least until you find the right caretaker for Harper.”

I blow out a breath. “You’re a pretty good dude. You know that?”

“Yeah, I know.” He laughs.

I nod. “Okay. I’ll take you up on it.”

“And listen, the whole thing with the reading teacher…I hope it works out for you,” he says.

I press my lips together as I avert my gaze to the floor. “Somehow I fucked that up before I even got it off the ground.”

“You’ll figure it out,” he assures me.

I’m glad he’s so sure, but I’m not.