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I text Harper and Victoria when we arrive in California, and then it’s off to the races.

We start with a team meeting that lasts several hours, and I’m already getting antsy sitting here.

Coach introduces the new players and the new coaches, and our new OC takes a few minutes to chat about the playbook and his expectations. Coach talks about his expectations, too, and he reviews the schedule for the season as well as the schedule for camp. We’re each given individualized schedules so we know where we have to be and when over the next two weeks. I should send this to Victoria so she knows what I’ll be up to, too.

We have a team dinner followed by a little free time, which we won’t have much of while we’re here, but since it’s day one and we’re all here to prove how serious we are about the upcoming season, we gather in various classrooms with our position coaches to watch and study film. I squeeze in a quick call to tell Harper goodnight on my way to the classroom, but I don’t get much chance for conversation.

I’m exhausted by the time we get out of the classroom, and I head up to the room I’m sharing with Tristan while we’re here.

He’s on the phone with Tessa, and I don’t want to interrupt him, so I opt for a quick shower. He’s sleeping when I return, and it’s a little after eleven. We have an early morning tomorrow, but I’d still like to hear Victoria’s voice before bed, so I head outside to take a walk even though it’s past curfew. I sneak past the lobby where I see the coaches gathered for a talk. They don’t spot me, so I’m in the clear.

“Hey,” she answers.

“Hi.” I keep my voice low so I don’t get caught.

“How was your first day?”

“Exhausting,” I admit. And we didn’t even have practice or workouts yet. It’s not going to get easier from here, that’s for sure.

“What did you do all day?” she asks.

“Mostly sat in classrooms. We started with a meeting, then we had a team dinner. Then more meetings, studying film, that sort of thing.”

“Is it fun?” Her voice is soft, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing while I’m here. Is she lying in bed? Is she thinking about me?

I need to focus.

I need to get my head in the game.

It’s more important than ever that I don’t let distractions in. If I do, it’ll cost me even more playing time than I’m already losing.

I feel that divide pushing us apart again, but this time it’s the physical distance. And I’m not sure the emotional distance that I’m already letting pop up between us again is strong enough to handle it.

I’m not sure I am strong enough to handle it.

It wasn’t so long ago that I was judging all my friends who were getting married and having kids, and here we are.

Maybe it’s not for everyone.

“It’s work,” I say, my tone clipped.

She doesn’t know what to say to that, and I’ve already offended her. It’s not like it’ll get better as we start two-a-days and workouts and I’m taking a beating on the field as I give it my all to prove I should be on that fucking field once my suspension is over.

I blow out a breath. “I should get some rest. I need to be up at six tomorrow.”

“Will you get a chance to call in the morning to say hi to Harper?” she asks, and I know it’s her way of asking whether we will be able to talk, and I just don’t know the answer to that.

“I’ll try but we start two-a-days tomorrow.”

“Two-a-days?” she asks.

“Two practices a day,” I explain as I walk along the sidewalk outside the building. It’s quiet out here since we’re supposed to be inside sleeping. Other players might be calling their families from their rooms, or maybe they’re all asleep like I should be, too. I doubt any of them are wondering whether they’ll come back from this with divorce papers waiting for them the way I am, though.

Am I just preparing for the inevitable?

Am I pushing more distance between us because it’s what I do ?

Is this just because I don’t know how the fuck to be in a relationship?

It’s entirely possible, but I’ve already forced my brain to focus on football. I can’t go backward and focus on us now.

I clear my throat to add more. “Morning sessions are individual drills, afternoons are more intense with team drills. Technically the collective bargaining agreement eliminated two-a-days from camp since they led to more injuries, but we still do them. They’re just called position practice and team drills now.”

“Semantics,” she murmurs.

“Yeah. Not looking forward to it.” I kick a rock with the toe of my shoe.

“You’ve got this, Travis. You know that playbook and you know it well.”

I know her body well, that’s for sure. I just hope it doesn’t prove to be the distraction I think it will.

I tell her I need to go to bed, and we end the call. I sneak past the coaches and realize how stupid it is to tempt fate. I’m already in trouble. I don’t need to make it worse by getting caught for something as dumb as breaking curfew.

I don’t sleep well…not without her beside me.

The first day of practice is every bit as mentally and physically brutal as I remember from last year. There’s a reason camp has been called such things as “the meat grinder” and “the proving ground.”

I get a quick call in with my girls between a shower and dinner, and then film keeps me busy until curfew except for a quick call to Harper at bedtime when I slip out to use the restroom. I text Victoria goodnight, but she must already be out.

Usually media day occurs during the first week of camp, but the team owner loves sending us away for the first two weeks to help us get rid of outside distractions so we can focus. Because of this, media day won’t occur until we’re back in Vegas.

But during our morning meeting on day two, Coach brings it up anyway.

“Media day will happen in two weeks, and I want you all to be prepared. You may be asked anything about your goals for this season to your challenges to your contract. Be ready to answer questions. Talk to your publicists about the best way to address these items, and be sure you have an answer ready. For my own part, as you already know, we’re in the final year of my contract with the Aces. I realize this has been on everyone’s mind, and I’ve already fielded questions from many of you. This is a business, and there are a whole host of factors at play. I have not yet decided what will happen at the conclusion of this season, but I wanted to address it with all of you here. We have a lot of talent here in this room. I believe we have enough to take us to the big game this year, and I am committed to this team and to our success. Whatever happens, I am focused on winning, and I will do what it takes to get us there as long as I have your commitment to success.”

He concludes his speech to a standing ovation that clearly shows everyone in this room is committed to the same goal he is.

We want to win.

Coach Mitch Thompson has been with the Aces for a long time, and I can’t imagine a team he isn’t coaching—just like I can’t imagine a team where Jack Dalton isn’t the quarterback and Ben Olson isn’t the tight end.

But someday they’ll age out. Someday they’ll retire. Someday they’ll want to be home with their wives and kids.

Will I want that someday, too?

Is someday…now?

It’s a lot to think about, and as much as I want to be with Harper and Victoria right now, I don’t think my time here is up quite yet.

This is all I ever wanted to do, and I’m not sure what life will look like when I’m done playing. But one thing’s for sure.

It’ll look a lot different than I thought it would when I was at training camp last season.