Page 129

I stay in my casita until I hear Travis leave for camp in the morning.

I used my own entrance when I got in after work last night so I didn’t have to go through the house, and as much as I don’t want to miss out on seeing Harper, I can’t keep interacting with Travis when I know it’s over.

It’s too hard.

And so I waited until he left, and then I opened my door to the main house so Harper knows she’s welcome in. It’s early, and the house is quiet, but I find Harper nestled on the couch.

“What are you doing up so early?” I ask.

She sits up. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Too excited for day two of school?”

She shakes her head. She’s subdued—maybe just tired, but my gut tells me it’s something more than that.

I sit next to her, and I put an arm around her shoulders. “Is everything okay?”

She leans into me. “Not really.”

“Did something happen at school?”

She shakes her head. “Something happened at home.”

My brows knit together, but I have a feeling I already know what it was. I wait for her to say it.

“My dad told me you’re getting divorced.”

The way she says it like an accusation breaks my heart, and it sort of just adds fuel to my anger with Travis. More miscommunication—or lack of communication altogether.

It would’ve been nice to get the warning that he was telling her. Even though I should’ve surmised it was coming, it still feels like a blindside this morning.

On the other hand, I note that she said we are getting divorced…not that I’m divorcing him. He didn’t blame me in this scenario, and my overly analytical mind will definitely spend way too much time dissecting that.

The gap of silence widens as I’m left without words. I’m not really sure what to say.

“Did he do something?” she asks.

“It’s complicated,” I begin.

“Of course it is. All relationships are,” she says, and she sounds much wiser than her ten years. “But I’m big enough to handle the real reason. Don’t you think I deserve that much after everything I’ve been through?”

She does. Absolutely. And so I give her the truth. “As it turns out, I wasn’t prepared for a life in the spotlight. I wasn’t ready to handle having my photo taken just because of who I’m married to. I wasn’t ready for a lot of things, and we rushed into it without stopping to take a breath. I guess this is my way of breathing.”

“So…you’re the one ending it?” she asks.

“I suppose I am.”

“He, uh…he didn’t mention that. I yelled at him a lot and told him I knew it was his fault.”

“It’s not really anybody’s fault,” I say, wanting to defend her father but also being careful not to make her angry with me. I wonder how much he told her. I wonder if she knows part of why we got married in the first place was because we were trying to protect her.

It’s not my place to tell her that.

“But you love him,” she says.

I nod. “I do. Very much. But sometimes that’s not enough.” My voice holds the sadness I feel over that fact. I guess real life doesn’t always have the same sorts of happily ever afters my spicy books have.

I’ll get my happy ending someday. It’s just not my time. It’s not my situation. Maybe I’m not meant to have kids even though I want them with my whole entire heart.

Come to think of it…I don’t even need a man for that.

I’m still young, but my dream was always to be a young mom. Maybe if I turn thirty and I’m still single, I’ll start looking into it. The thought of doing it alone is a little scary, and I’m sure it’s a mere fraction of the same fears Travis is facing right now.

But I can’t stay with somebody just to alleviate his fears.

I get Harper off to school and spend the day with Ellie. We’re halfway through the day when she finally looks up at me.

“What’s up with you today?” she asks.

My brows knit together. I thought I was doing a better job of hiding it. “What do you mean?”

“You’re quiet, and you’re fidgeting. I can tell something is bothering you. So spill it, sister.”

I blow out a breath. “I told Travis I wanted a divorce. I handed him the papers. All he has to do is sign them.”

“Whoa,” Ellie murmurs as she sits back in her chair. “That’s big.”

I nod.

“Are you okay?”

I shrug. “Not really, but I’m getting through it one minute at a time, you know?”

“Are you sure this is what you want?” she asks softly.

I shake my head. “No, I’m not. But what other choice do I have?”

“There’s always choices.” Her words linger, but before I get the chance to respond, she asks, “Do you think he’ll sign the papers?”

“I’m not sure. I’ve been actively avoiding him since I gave them to him.”

She clears her throat. “Tell me if I’m overstepping, but can you tell me why you want to divorce him?”

“Let me ask you a question. As a happily married woman, what’s the one cliché everyone says is the key to a strong marriage?” I ask.

“Communication,” she answers immediately.

I nod. “Exactly. And he just…doesn’t. I found out his league punishment from his Instagram live. I heard about the vape pen and the sex club news from you, not from him. As his wife, he should be sharing all the breaking news with me, don’t you think? And instead I’m getting it from everywhere except him.”

“They’re busy with training camp—” she starts, but I cut her off when I hold up a hand.

“I know they are. Trust me, I know. But he had time to sneak off with a vape pen. He had time to issue a public apology. Don’t you think he had time for a quick warning text to me? Something? Anything?” I don’t pause long enough for her to answer that rhetorical question. “And it’s not just that. I wasn’t prepared to deal with the sorts of things I’ve had to deal with. I wasn’t prepared to lose the things I held dear. My sister isn’t talking to me. I was fired from my dream job. We got married to give Harper some stability but it’s pushing my own dreams of kids further away.”

She nods sympathetically. “I totally get it. I understand where you’re coming from, and I don’t blame you for wanting to get out while it’s still early. But I thought you two were going to make it, Vic. You make him happy in a way I’ve never seen him. And when the two of you and Harper are in a room together, he lights up. Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure.” My voice is resolute.

She presses her lips together. “Did he say whether he was going to sign before the court hearing?”

My brows knit together. “The court hearing?”

She nods. “The one for Harper’s custody.” She says it like a question.

“The one for…what?”

“You don’t know?”

I shake my head.

She sighs. “August twentieth, there’s a judge who wants to see Travis in California. Some family filed a petition to declare him unfit to raise Harper.”

“He didn’t tell me,” I murmur.

“He didn’t tell you?”

I shake my head. “I knew a family was after him, but I didn’t know they filed anything. See what I mean about communication?”

“I just found out last night,” she says.

“And I’ve been avoiding him. I’d like to chalk it up to that, but it feels like it’s not quite that simple.” I blow out a breath as I wonder when he was planning on telling me…and whether he’ll sign those papers or hold out until after the hearing.