Page 13

“Hey,” I whisper.

“Why are you whispering?” Mandy whispers back.

I can’t admit to her it’s because Owen and I were fighting about her last night and I’d rather not get into it again today, so I lie. “Owen’s on a work call.”

“On a Sunday? Oh well. Whatever.” She returns her voice to full volume. “I just got some big news and I wanted to share it with you.”

“What big news?” I ask.

“I don’t know if I really want to tell you, though. Because if I tell you I might lose you as my work wife and I’m not okay with that even though I’m ready to see you spread your wings and fly.”

“You’re a good work wife,” I say, my voice still low. “Now spill it.”

“Wendy Lark is retiring.”

“What?” I shriek, my own voice returning to normal volume…or maybe slightly above normal. Okay, a lot above normal.

“It hasn’t been announced yet, but I just heard she decided this will be her last year, and as soon as she announces it, they’ll be posting her position.”

“Oh my God!” I practically scream. “Finally! The same four people have had those district reading coach positions for- ever and this is my shot! Oh my God, I have so many ideas. Ways to really make a difference, to make an impact on kids rather than focusing on all this damn paperwork all the time, to change up the program since I’m in the thick of it and I know what’s working and what isn’t.”

“And you’re a shoo-in for the position, babe. You’re so damn good at what you do, but I don’t want you to leave me,” she says.

“I wonder what they’d say if I proposed some sort of hybrid position. Like half-time at district, half-time still in the trenches working with kids. That sort of thing would really allow the district office to see what happens in real time,” I point out.

“I think it’s an incredible idea, but I also think if you want the position, you close that beautiful mouth of yours at the interview, get the job, and then start making suggestions for how to improve the program,” she says.

“That’s probably some sage career advice. But ahh!” I scream a little. “It’s exactly the change of direction I think I need right now in my career. I’m so excited for this shot.”

The bedroom door opens, and Owen peeks his head in, his eyes tight and his nostrils flared. “Can you stop screaming in here?”

My joyous smile fades a little. “Owen, Mandy just told me one of the district reading coaches is retiring at the end of this year!”

He rolls his eyes. “Mandy?”

The excitement fades, too.

“Yes, my best friend from work who somehow knows all the district gossip before anyone else called me to tell me my dream job is opening,” I say to Owen.

“I really do seem to be a magnet for district gossip,” Mandy muses over the line.

“I need to go,” I say into the phone.

“Okay, but one parting food for thought. If you’re always fighting with him, is it even worth staying? I love you.”

I blow out a breath. “I love you, too. Bye.”

Owen tilts his head from the door. “When was the last time you said that to me?”

My brows pinch together. “What?”

“That you love me.”

“Um…probably last night before bed?” I guess.

He shakes his head. “I hear you tossing it around with your friends like it’s lost all its meaning, but I rarely hear it from you directed at me.”

Maybe it’s because I don’t love him anymore.

Whoa.

I’m not sure where that thought comes from, but it’s the first time it’s snuck in there.

And it’s not true. Of course I love him. We’ve just hit a bit of a rough patch, but we’re strong. Or, we used to be, at least. We can get back to where we were back when we were happy.

I’ve said it so many times in my own brain recently that I should be able to believe it at this point…but I’m starting to think I’ve stayed as long as I have because of that complacency thing. It’s not really that bad and I do love him—most of the time, anyway.

So it’s not passionate and exciting anymore. Don’t all relationships hit that rut eventually?

On the other hand…is this what I want for the rest of my life?

Do I want someone coming in raining all over my parade and telling me to keep it down when I’m celebrating over the phone with my best friend?

Do I want someone who hates said best friend?

My eyes edge over to the picture of my sister, Vanessa, on the dresser. She and Jake, her boyfriend, and their two boys all have happy, wide smiles, and I suddenly hear my biological clock tick tick ticking. It’s loud, and it’s a reminder that she already has two kids and I have none and each day that passes means pushing out my dream of having babies further and further down the road.

I always dreamed of being a young mom like my own mother was to Vanessa and me. She was barely twenty when she had me, twenty-two when she had Vanessa. Now she’s in her forties, and she’s still young enough to keep up with her grandchildren.

It’s not a reason to stay with someone if I’m not happy, and deep down I know that.

Yet I find myself justifying my relationship with him anyway.

“Well I do love you,” I say to him.

He’s quiet a beat, and then he says, “I love you, too. Let’s go to dinner to celebrate tonight, okay? You pick the place.”

I smile. Now that is more like it. That’s the Owen I fell in love with.

I know he’s still in there, and I’m going to work like hell to find him.