Page 8

SEVEN

WEDNESDAY 22 JANUARY

Harper waits by the window, as daggers of rain pelt against the glass and dark clouds loom in the sky. Every bone in her body aches for Jamie; for the person he was before everything changed. A few weeks ago, he’d discussed moving to Portugal. Starting over. Just the three of them. She’d quickly dismissed it, of course, and put it down to Jamie trying to run away from things again, and she wasn’t going to let him do that.

She shouldn’t be nervous – she is the one who is in control here – Kate Mason has no idea what she’s walked into. She will have worked out who Harper is by now, so she’ll be on her guard. Harper just has to make sure she doesn’t slip up. Jamie has taught her that it’s all about being one step ahead of your opponent, knowing things they don’t know.

But none of that explains why Jamie spent the night with Kate. And that’s what Harper can’t wrap her head around. Jamie and that woman, his hands all over her. It sickens her. She needs to find out why it happened, why Jamie veered off course. Kate is not someone he should have become involved with. What the hell was he doing?

Through the window, Kate walks up the path with Thomas. She hesitates briefly at the gate; no doubt she’s taking in the air of neglect in the small front garden, the overgrown grass and flowerbeds full of weeds. Everything dying. Just like Harper feels she is. Just like Jamie did. But let Kate judge her; neglecting her garden pales in comparison to what Kate has done. And Harper has no concern for the garden – how can she care about such a trivial thing now?

Thomas walks in front as they make their way to the door, and Harper is certain he’s the one who has led the charge to come here today. ‘Dexter?’ she calls, as she makes her way to the kitchen, just as the doorbell rings. ‘Would you mind answering the door? I need to get the cakes out of the oven.’

Harper hates baking – she only did it to create the impression that she’s welcoming Kate into her home, and her life, but then she discovered that it was a good distraction from thinking about Jamie. How senseless his death is, yet so significant.

She hears Dexter thundering down the stairs and pulling open the door. Then muffled voices. ‘Come through,’ Harper calls, as she places the baking tray on the worktop. She walks to the kitchen door and waits.

‘Come up,’ Dexter says to Thomas. ‘I can show you my Harry Potter Lego.’

The boys rush upstairs, as if they’ve known each other for years, and Kate watches after them, as if she wants to call her son back and drag him home.

‘Hi,’ Harper says, forcing a smile, mustering the energy to propel her legs towards Kate. ‘Thanks for coming. This really means a lot to Dexter.’

Kate returns her smile. ‘You have a lovely home.’

‘Oh, it’s not really. Not yet. We’ve only just moved in and I’ve hardly done a thing to it.’ Harper gestures to the long, narrow kitchen. She loathes the Farrow perhaps if they’d met under different circumstances, Harper might have quite liked her. But Harper has seen Kate’s hands all over Jamie, and she will never remove that image from her head. And what happened afterwards . Bile edges along her throat. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t know,’ Harper manages to say. If she keeps probing then Kate is bound to slip up. ‘The other parents must be talking about it.’

Kate twists her mouth. ‘I try to stay out of other people’s business,’ she says.

‘I know what they’re all saying.’ Harper fixes her eyes on Kate. ‘Or thinking, at least. And you probably are too now. How could I send Dexter to school so soon after his dad’s murder? How can I arrange a playdate for him as if nothing’s happened? But he wanted to keep going to school. He insisted. He needs…everything to feel normal.’ Harper wills her tears to stay behind her eyes. As broken as she feels, she won’t let this woman sense any weakness. ‘He’s a very conscientious child. Couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on his learning. I even told him I could get him a tutor but he wouldn’t have any of it.’

‘I can understand that,’ Kate says. ‘I’m sure having the distraction of school is helping him.’

But Kate has no idea what it’s like when Dexter gets home. The silence that’s becoming too familiar, the nods and grunts that Dexter is using to communicate. The sense of helplessness. And Kate sits there as if she’s had no part in this.

‘That’s what I’ve been telling myself,’ Harper says. ‘And it’s the reason I invited you both here. Dexter’s not the only one who needs some normality. I do too. But I’m sure you know what mum guilt is like – how do we ever know if we’re actually doing the right thing for them? I feel so numb. I’ve only just managed to tidy the house this morning because you and Thomas were coming after school.’

Kate nods. ‘It must be so hard for you,’ she says. ‘I’m separated from my husband now but I can’t imagine what it would feel like if anything happened to him. He’s still very much a part of our lives.’

Harper’s eyes narrow. ‘Yes, hard under any circumstances,’ she says, lifting her mug. ‘But it’s remarkable what devastation humans can live with. What other choice do we have? We just pick ourselves up, or sometimes drag ourselves, and carry on somehow.’

‘You’re right,’ Kate says, smiling as if they’re close friends. ‘And how is Dex doing?’

‘Dexter’s just…Dexter. He’s a remarkable boy, really. His strength has astounded me. But I do worry he’s in shock and the grief is bound to catch up with him.’ My own too.

Another thud reverberates upstairs.

‘Sorry about that,’ Harper says. ‘Dexter’s room is just above us.’

‘I hope Thomas isn’t destroying your house.’

‘I’m just happy that Dexter’s found someone to play with. It’s important, isn’t it? Connections with people. Jamie was always saying that.’ She smiles, scrutinising Kate’s face. Mentioning Jamie must surely unnerve her. ‘I don’t know about you, but I’m more of a lone wolf myself. Sometimes I find dealing with people…hard work. Shall we go in the living room?’ she says, standing and tucking her chair in. ‘It’s more comfortable on the sofa. And the boys could be upstairs playing for quite a while.’

Harper leads the way into the large lounge, where the two huge bay windows still don’t have curtains. The walls are dark red – Florentine red, the estate agent had informed them – and filled with family photos, that Harper only put up this morning. She can barely look at them, but notices Kate staring at the largest one in the middle – a wedding day canvas of Harper and Jamie, confetti floating around their heads. Blessing them. Cursing them.

‘That’s Jamie,’ Harper says. ‘He was a special man. That’s why I married him. In it for the long haul, until he was so cruelly taken away.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ Kate says. Her skin seems paler since they came into the lounge. Then her eyes seem to fix on the vase of white lilies over the fireplace, and her face drains even more.

Harper wonders what Kate is apologising for. Sleeping with Jamie? What else did she do to him?

‘I can’t even imagine what you’re going through,’ Kate continues. ‘And I know that getting divorced doesn’t mean there isn’t still a special bond there.’

Harper stares at her. ‘Divorced? Oh, no – Jamie and I were very much together. I kept my maiden name because I don’t believe women should have to take their husband’s name. And Jamie didn’t mind Dexter having my surname.’

Kate’s face pales. ‘Sorry, I…I don’t know why I thought you were divorced. I must be thinking of someone else. Work’s been so hectic lately, my mind’s all over the place.’

Silence surrounds them. Is this some game she’s playing or did Kate really believe Jamie was divorced? Either way, Harper can’t underestimate this woman. ‘I can assure you that Jamie and I were very much together. I’m not saying it was perfect – what relationship is? – but Jamie was my…soulmate.’ She bites her lip. ‘I know that’s cringy, but that’s honestly how we felt about each other.’ No one will understand the things that tied them together.

Kate points to the large canvas wedding picture on the wall, effortless smiles stretched across Harper and Jamie’s faces. ‘He clearly felt the same,’ she says, her voice too animated.

Harper glances at the photo, tries to ignore the wrench in her gut. ‘I believe so.’

‘I’m so sorry about what happened. I…I read about it.’

‘I thought you didn’t know?’

Kate hesitates. ‘I didn’t know the man I’d read about was your husband. But I’d read about what happened.’

‘There hasn’t been much written has there?’ Harper says. Kate is tying herself in knots and sooner or later she’ll slip up. ‘Not that newsworthy unless it’s a young woman or child. Who cares about a man in his thirties? Someone who’s not considered vulnerable.’ A single tear snakes down Harper’s cheek.

Reaching into her bag, Kate pulls out a small packet of tissues and hands one to Harper. She almost doesn’t take it – she doesn’t want anything from this woman. ‘I read that he was found in a flat in Richmond,’ Kate says.

Harper nods. She knew it was only a matter of time before Kate would begin to ask questions. Harper will play along for now. ‘Yes. It’s a property we rent out. We were between tenants and had just done up the flat. It needed a lot of work. Jamie sometimes stayed there if he’d been out and didn’t want to disturb us coming home in the middle of the night.’ She dabs her eyes with the tissue. ‘I don’t sleep well. Never have. The slightest noise wakes me and then I’m up for the day. Now, though, I’d give anything to change that night – so that he’d come home instead. He’d still be here, then.’

‘I can’t imagine what life’s been like for you over the last week. I hope the police find who did that to him.’

‘The police have no clues. Nothing was taken. There was no break in, so it must have been someone he’d let in the flat.’ Harper studies Kate’s face. ‘Someone he knew or was expecting. But why would someone target Jamie? There’s no reason for it. He was a good person. He didn’t have enemies.’

When Kate reaches for Harper’s hand, Harper notices her glance at the platinum and diamond wedding band Jamie had given her.

‘It’s been a nightmare with the police here all the time. I had to tell the family liaison officer to please give us some space. But she still turns up every day. I haven’t been able to work since it happened,’ Harper continues. ‘I’m an HR manager for a hospital trust. They need me, and I’ve let everyone down. Without me there, the team will be struggling with the heavy workload.’

‘You’re grieving,’ Kate says. ‘It’s only been a few days.’

‘Suddenly work doesn’t seem important any more.’ Harper presses her fingertips to her eyes to stem the tears. ‘Maybe I won’t even go back. This is all really making me think I need to make some changes.’ She leans forward and clutches her stomach, groaning softly. Kate Mason is the last person who should be here, witnessing Harper’s despair, but Harper needs to see this through. Raucous laughter drifts down from upstairs.

‘They’re getting on really well, aren’t they?’ Harper says, pulling herself straighter. ‘That makes me so happy. Dexter really misses all his old friends.’

‘Thomas really likes him,’ Kate says. She finishes her coffee. ‘Have you thought about therapy?’ Kate asks. ‘It could help you through this…this awful time.’

Harper looks up. ‘No, I don’t think so.’ She pauses. ‘I tried to convince Jamie to go when he was having some issues, but he wouldn’t listen. Have you ever had it?’

‘No,’ Kate says, too quickly, too defensively. There’s something there that Harper needs to dig into. ‘But I’ve heard you can do it online now, if you don’t want to see someone in person. That works better for some people.’

Harper scrunches the damp tissue in her hand. ‘The thing is, I’m a very private person. The idea of sharing such personal thoughts and feelings makes me shudder. Jamie was the only one I spoke to about personal things.’

‘I understand,’ Kate says. ‘But?—’

‘Let’s change the subject,’ Harper says. ‘I’m finding it hard to talk about Jamie right now.’ She forces a smile. ‘Tell me about you, Kate. Do you work?’

‘I’m a vet.’

Of course Harper already knows this – she’s made it her business to find out who Kate Mason is. ‘I’ve never met a vet before.’

Kate shifts in her seat, then forces a smile.

‘I’m not really a cat or dog person,’ Harper continues. ‘Too much mess. Dexter’s often asking for a dog but…well, we are who we are, and I’m not going to apologise for that. It’s not that I don’t care about animals or what happens to them – I’m vegetarian and don’t even eat meat. I’m just not keen on sharing my home with one. And we moved a lot and that’s not fair to animals, is it?’

Kate nods. ‘It’s hard when one of you is an animal person and the other isn’t. My ex didn’t want pets, but I convinced him to let Thomas have a cat.’

Harper stares at her. ‘We didn’t have that problem – Jamie wasn’t an animal person either.’

Kate raises her eyebrows. ‘Sounds like you were a good match, then.’

For two hours, Harper sits listening to Kate make small talk about the school and the other parents, as if that’s the most important thing in her life. But Harper knows it isn’t – there is so much more to Kate Mason than the school community. And she’s going to find out what that is.

She’s relieved when Kate finally announces that she needs to get Thomas back for dinner.

‘I’ll go and tell the boys,’ Harper says, leaving Kate alone in her living room. She can guess what Kate will do in her absence: stare at the endless photos of Jamie that Harper has deliberately plastered everywhere.

Upstairs, instead of finding the boys, who she can hear are on the top floor in the spare room, Harper goes to her bedroom. She stares out of the window at Kate’s blue Mini Countryman and pictures herself throwing cans of paint over it. Blood red. To remind her about what happened to Jamie. What she set in motion. Silently she begins to count; Kate will be getting anxious when there’s no sign of Thomas and all is silent upstairs. Just a fleeting glimpse of what’s to come.

When she gets to one hundred, she leaves the bedroom and goes up to find the boys.

Kate is at the bottom of the stairs, peering up when Harper herds Thomas and Dexter down. She’s already in her coat and has her phone in her hand. Kate won’t call the police, though, not when she’s the one they will be most interested in talking to about Jamie’s murder.

‘Come on, Thomas, we need to get going,’ Kate says, handing him his coat. ‘I need to feed Lula.’ There’s urgency in her tone, and it pleases Harper.

At the door, while Thomas and Dex say goodbye to each other, Harper grabs Kate’s arm, startling her. ‘Thanks for coming,’ she says. ‘Let’s get together again. It’s been so good for me – you’ve really taken my mind off everything.’

Before Kate can answer, Thomas tugs the sleeve of her coat. ‘Can Dex come to our house? I want to show him the new football goal Dad’s just bought me.

‘That would be lovely,’ Harper says, answering for Kate. ‘How about Friday? We could order in pizza for dinner?’

‘Yeah!’ Thomas says, and beside him Dexter nods.

‘Um, maybe another day,’ Kate says. ‘Dad’s picking you up after school on Friday.’

‘Please, Mum?’ Thomas pleads. ‘He won’t mind coming later. Or I’ll just see him on Saturday before football.’

All eyes are on Kate, and surely she will cave. Seconds tick by.

‘Please, Kate,’ Dexter adds.

‘Okay,’ Kate finally says. I guess it’s fine if Thomas’s dad doesn’t mind.’

Harper hugs her, a gesture that turns her body cold. ‘Send me your address. And I’ll see you then if I don’t catch you at school.’

When Harper closes the door, Dexter rushes upstairs. She’ll speak to him later and make sure he had a nice time. They’re going to be seeing a lot of Harper and Thomas, so she wants to make sure that Dexter will be happy about that. Despite everything she needs to do, she won’t risk her son’s happiness and wellbeing; if he and Thomas don’t bond then Harper will find other ways to get to Kate. She rushes to the window in the living room and watches Kate drive off.

Things have been set in motion now, and there’s no turning back.