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THIRTY-NINE

TUESDAY 4 FEbrUARY

Kate scans the streets as she makes her way to the Tube station, retracing the steps she took earlier before being attacked. She’s on her guard this time, adrenalin pumping through her veins. When she reaches Wimbledon station, she stops at the entrance, relieved that there are still plenty of people making their way in and out.

She dials Rowan’s number and waits for him to answer.

‘Kate,’ he says, his voice still fused with kindness. ‘This really isn’t?—’

‘Something’s happened,’ she says. ‘Lots of things. Awful things. I’ve found out stuff about Ellis and I really need to talk to you. Please. Just one last time. Then you’ll never hear from me again.’

There’s a long pause, and Kate crosses her fingers, willing him to say yes.

‘I want to help you,’ Rowan says. ‘I really do – but my hands are tied, Kate. This goes against my professional code of conduct.’

She’s expected this. ‘I’m no longer your patient, so there’s no reason you can’t see me as a friend, is there?’

‘That’s still crossing a professional line. Barely a day has passed since I stopped being your therapist.’

‘I was attacked,’ Kate explains. ‘Just now. And it could have been Ellis. I don’t know for sure. I don’t want to believe it but I have to face the possibility that it was him.’

There’s a sharp intake of breath. ‘Are you okay? What happened? How do you know it was Ellis?’

‘Because now I know everything. And you’re the only person I can talk to about it. Please, Rowan.’ Kate hates begging, sounding needy, but she’s doing what is necessary.

‘I’m glad you’re okay, Kate. I hope you’ve called the police?’

‘Yes,’ Kate lies.

‘That’s good. Look, I’m sorry all of this is happening to you but I’m going now.’

‘No, please, Rowan.’

‘I beg you, Kate – please don’t call me again.’ He lets out a deep breath ‘Or I’m the one who’ll have to call the police.’

Rowan ends the call, the silence he leaves behind deafening her.

Daniella Hess looks as glamorous as she did both times Kate’s seen her at Rowan’s practice. Her long black maxi dress skims her body, and her hair hangs in loose waves around her shoulders. She doesn’t say anything, and there’s no hint of recognition on her face as she waits for Kate to explain who she is.

‘Sorry to disturb you. Is Rowan home?’

Daniella frowns. ‘No. He’s not. Can I ask what this is about?’

‘I’m a patient of his. And I really need to speak to him. He said he tells all his patients that if they’re struggling and need him in an emergency, he’ll be there for them.’

Daniella sighs. ‘Yes, that sounds like Rowan.’ She studies Kate’s face. ‘Are you okay? Can I help you with something?’

Kate appreciates this offer, but she doesn’t have time for Rowan’s gatekeeper. ‘Thanks, but I just need to speak to Rowan. He can always calm me down when I’m having a panic attack.’

Daniella checks her watch. ‘Look, he shouldn’t be too long so do you want to come in and wait for him?’

Kate hasn’t expected this, and she’s touched by Daniella’s kindness. She contemplates refusing this offer – she can wait across the road and catch Rowan when he turns up – but she’s safter inside Rowan’s house, with his wife; outside there are too many shadows for someone to lurk in. ‘Thank you,’ Kate says, stepping inside.

Daniella makes her coffee and they sit at the kitchen table. It’s a huge room with a leather corner sofa and large granite island in the middle. It suits Daniella, but somehow Kate can’t picture Rowan here amid this luxury.

There’s an awkward silence, until Daniella is the first to break it. ‘I remember you,’ she says. ‘The other day when I went to meet Rowan at his practice.’

‘I didn’t think you recognised me,’ Kate says. ‘Why would you? Rowan has a lot of patients.’

Daniella nods. ‘Have you been seeing him long?’ she asks. ‘Oh, actually, I’m not supposed to ask that. It’s none of my business. You don’t have to tell me anything.’

‘I’m sure it’s fine if I want to tell you, though,’ Kate says. ‘It’s been just over two years.’

Daniella nods. ‘A long time.’

‘He’s really helped me,’ Kate says. ‘Oh, that sounds like such a cliché, but it’s true. I didn’t know what a void I was living in until Rowan helped me see it. He helped me find myself.’ Kate studies Daniella’s face – it’s kind, but there’s fierceness underlying it. ‘You’re probably wondering why I went to him in the first place.’

‘No, really, it’s none of my business,’ Daniella says, glancing at her watch.

‘It looks like you’re going out somewhere,’ Kate says.

‘I’ve got time.’

Kate takes a deep breath and tells Daniella all about Graham White, the whole truth; how for years she told everyone that she was responsible for killing him, because she’d thought she was protecting her friend. And Daniella seems to listen without judgement, sympathy etched on her face.

‘My God – that’s awful! Does Rowan know this?’

‘Not the truth about Mona. I only found out today. I haven’t had a chance to tell him yet.’

‘Is that why you’re here?’ Daniella asks.

‘I need to get everything off my chest,’ Kate says. ‘It feels good just to tell you, but I still feel as though there’s a virus inside me I need to flush out.’

‘Yes, I imagine it’s cathartic finally speaking the truth after all these years, and?—’

The front door opens and they hear footsteps in the hallway.

‘That will be Rowan.’ Daniella stands up. ‘In the kitchen,’ she calls. She turns back to Kate. ‘Actually, I’d better go and warn him you’re here.’

But it’s too late – Rowan strides into the kitchen, his face falling when he registers that Kate is sitting at his kitchen table.

Daniella springs up and kisses his cheek. ‘Kate was desperate to talk to you,’ she explains. ‘I’ll leave you two alone to have a chat.’ She leaves the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

Rowan waits a moment then rushes to the table. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’ he hisses. ‘You can’t be here. This has gone too far now. I’m calling the police.’ He reaches into his pocket for his phone, but Kate springs up and grabs it, shoving it in the inside pocket of her coat.

‘Kate, I’m going to need my phone back, okay? Just hand it back to me and we can talk. I promise.’

Kate stares at him for a moment, acknowledging the fear in his eyes; Rowan doesn’t know what she’s capable of. He doesn’t trust her.

And he’s right not to.

Kate pulls out the kitchen knife that’s been in her pocket since she left Harper’s house, and stares at the blade.

Rowan backs away, glancing at the closed kitchen door. But Daniella warmed to Kate, she can tell, so Kate’s confident she’s in another part of the house. ‘Kate, what are you doing? Please, I’m truly sorry for what’s happened to you, but this isn’t the answer. Please give me the knife. Or just put it down on the table, and we can talk.

Kate moves closer towards him, relishing the fear in his eyes; it fuels her. ‘Sit down, Rowan. And don’t think for one second that I’m going anywhere.’