Page 12

ELEVEN

2013

It’s past one a.m. and Jamie hasn’t come home. Harper paces their tiny flat, listening for the sound of his key in the door. Her swollen stomach feels heavy and tight, ready to thrust her baby out any day now. Her due date is a month away but the baby will never hold on until then, she’s sure of it. And she’d told Jamie that morning that she felt the baby might come any day; he’d hardly paid attention, consumed with something else that’s been clouding his mind for months now.

Rubbing her stomach, she grabs her phone and calls Jamie again. Straight away she gets his voicemail: Hi, this is Jamie. Leave a message and I promise I’ll get back to you.

With a sickening lurch in her stomach, Harper ends the call, immediately texting him again. Where are you? Getting worried. The baby feels weird.

He’d said he was going for drinks after work with a few colleagues, but even if he stayed until closing, he should have been back by now. And Jamie never turns off his phone. The baby kicks so forcefully that Harper has to sit. ‘You’re sensing my anxiety, aren’t you?’ she says aloud, rubbing her stomach again as the baby thrashes beneath her hand. She’s read every book she could find about what to expect during pregnancy, and how to nurture and care for her unborn child, so she knows she needs to get a grip on her fear. ‘I am calm,’ she says, taking a deep breath. ‘I am calm.’ But the bubbles in her stomach are still there, ignoring the messages her mind is attempting to send.

She flicks through her phone until she finds Sam’s number. She’s not sure if he’ll know anything about Jamie’s whereabouts, but he’s the only one of his friends whose number she knows.

‘Hello?’ Sam’s voice is heavy with sleep.

‘Jamie hasn’t come home,’ she says without preamble.

‘Oh.’ There’s a brief pause. ‘Jamie?’

‘Yes. Jamie. This is Harper. He went out with friends after work and he hasn’t come home. I’m worried – he’s never done this before.’

‘Oh, look, um, I don’t know what to tell you.’ Sam’s voice fades, as if he’s holding the phone away from his ear.

‘Have you heard from him today?’ Harper asks. ‘I know how close you are. Did he mention anything?’ Harper’s words are gushing out of her; she’s not convinced she’s making sense. And all the while her stomach stretches and throbs.

Silence again, so intense that Harper is sure she can hear her own heartbeat.

‘This is awkward,’ Sam says. ‘I actually haven’t spoken to Jamie for about a year now.’ His words echo around the room.

Harper’s chest tightens and she struggles to catch her breath. She thinks of all the times Jamie has said he’s meeting up with Sam, all the times he’s been glued to his phone, messaging his closest friend. They’re in contact daily. See each other every week, at least. ‘But…I don’t understand. He met up with you last week.’

There’s a deep exhalation before Sam speaks. ‘Look, I don’t know what he’s been telling you, but Jamie and I haven’t communicated at all over the past year. Our friendship…let’s just say there hasn’t been one for a long time. I’m sorry.’

Harper’s breath catches in her throat; she can’t find any words, despite a thousand thoughts stampeding through her head.

‘I need to go now,’ Sam says.

‘Wait! What happened?’

‘I really think you need to talk to Jamie about that,’ he says.

‘I’m eight months pregnant!’ she shrieks. But it’s too late, Sam has already ended the call.

An intense burst of pain erupts in her body. She clutches her stomach, groaning, as a gush of liquid trickles down her legs. She looks down, and finds herself staring at a river of blood.

Harper opens her eyes, and for a brief moment she doesn’t know where she is. And then, with sickening clarity, it all comes back to her.

Beneath the crisp hospital sheet, she feels her stomach – flatter now, devoid of life. And then she turns to see Jamie sitting by her bed, his eyes red and swollen.

‘The baby,’ Harper says, though she already knows from the aching emptiness in her body.

Jamie shakes his head. ‘She’s…she’s gone, Harper.’ And then his tears come thick and fast.

Watching him, it all floods back to Harper. How she couldn’t find Jamie. The lies he’s sold her. ‘How long was I there before they found me?’

Jamie hangs his head. ‘I don’t know. They think not long. I got back around two and found you. But they said even if I’d been at home and could have got you to the hospital sooner, she wouldn’t have survived the birth.

Harper shakes her head. ‘No!’ she screams. ‘I don’t believe that. She would have been fine! You did this!’

And in that moment, she knows she will never forgive Jamie for their daughter’s death.