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THIRTY-SEVEN

TUESDAY 4 FEbrUARY

‘What do you mean by that? Who did you love?’

Kate needs to hear it from Mona’s mouth. The truth. After all these years.

‘Graham,’ Mona says, sinking onto the floor and drawing her knees up to her chin, childlike and vulnerable.

That’s when Kate understands everything, the murkiness clearing away and leaving a bright light for her to follow. ‘He didn’t rape you, did he?’

Seconds tick by and all the while Kate fears the answer she’s about to hear. It changes everything. On the floor, Mona shakes her head.

‘And you let me take the blame for his death.’ Anger rages inside Kate and she forces deep breaths to keep it at bay. But still her pulse races. ‘The only reason I covered for you back then was because I thought he’d raped you! And then when I wanted to tell the truth, you forced me to keep quiet. For years people think I killed a man. And now, after everything you put me through, it was all based on a lie!’ Kate stares at the woman who as teenagers she would have done anything for. ‘Why did we break into his house, then? What did you want revenge for? Did he dump you? Is that it?’

Mona’s voice is barely audible. ‘No, that’s not it.’

‘What? I can’t hear you.’ It’s getting harder for Kate to keep her rage contained.

‘I offered myself to him on a plate, and he turned me down. Basically told me I was little girl and made me feel this small.’ She gestures with her fingers.

Kate struggles to understand what she’s saying. ‘So Graham White didn’t touch you at all? He never went anywhere near you?’

The shake of Mona’s head leaves Kate seething. How easily she destroyed an innocent man’s life. ‘But why did he kidnap us?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Mona whimpers. ‘It just got out of hand.’ She falls silent.

‘Talk, damn it! Why did you tell me he raped you?’

‘Because I…I was obsessed with him.’ Briefly Mona looks up before hanging her head again. ‘We did meet in that park. And I saw him there a few times. We’d chat. He was really kind to me. Friendly. No one had ever been like that to me before.’

‘ I was!’ Kate screams.

‘I mean no boys. Ever. They just used me and threw me away.’

‘Because you let them!’

‘I don’t need a lecture from you!’

Kate resists the urge to grab Mona and shake some sense into her. ‘You owe me! My whole life changed because of you! I could have gone to prison! Everything I’ve ever done has been tainted by Graham White’s death, by people thinking I killed him, when you’re the one who did that to him!’ Kate presses her palms against her temples. ‘Did you kill him on purpose? You told me he’d tried to kill you and it was self-defence. Was that a lie, too?’

‘It was self defence! I didn’t want him dead – I loved him!’ Mona shakes her head. ‘I tried to make him like me, but he wasn’t having any of it. He told me to stop and then he stopped going to the park except to play football with his mates. I was jealous and rejected and I couldn’t handle it.’ She looks up at Kate. ‘I’m so sorry.’

Kate edges back. ‘He abducted us because we broke into his house,’ she says, her voice quiet now.

‘I think he just wanted to stop me doing anything else. I…I sent his girlfriend a letter. The day before. It must have tipped him over the edge and he wanted to shut me up.’

‘You told me you weren’t going to do that. What did you say to her? More lies!’

Mona hangs her head. ‘I told her I’d been seeing him, and that I was fifteen.’

‘Why wouldn’t he just go to the police?’ Kate asks. ‘And tell them what you’d done?’

Mona shrugs. ‘He was probably terrified they wouldn’t believe him. Accusations like that don’t wash off easily. His life would have been ruined even if it never went to court. He had a business to protect. And once people get a whiff of a child abuser, they make their lives hell, don’t they?’

‘Jesus, Mona! That’s so screwed up! You ruined his life, and then you killed him.’

‘It was an accident!’

‘Do you expect me to believe that when you’ve lied about everything else?’ Kate’s chest tightens. All these years she’s taken the blame for her friend, protected her because she’d thought Mona was the victim of a paedophile. ‘You forced me to cover for you,’ Kate snaps. ‘Remember? I was only fifteen – I wasn’t thinking straight. You told me your life wouldn’t be worth living if people thought you were responsible for someone’s death and I let you talk me into it. You made me feel bad because you’d had such a troubled life and mine had been happy up to that point. I felt awful that you hadn’t had a break in life.’ Kate shakes her head. ‘But what you did to me after all that was even worse.’

2006

Kate hasn’t seen Mona since the night she killed Graham White, but every day regret has seeped into her body, spreading like cancer. She should never have gone along with Mona’s suggestion for Kate to take the blame – she didn’t want to, but she’d been too numb with shock to think rationally. And it was the flood of guilt Mona unleashed on her that cemented her decision.

Now, though, it’s time to put things right. Kate can’t do this to her mum any more – can’t let her go on thinking her daughter is capable of taking someone’s life, even in self-defence.

Her mum’s at work this morning, meaning Kate doesn’t have to lie about where she’s going. She’s already warned Kate to stay away from Mona after what she did with Kian; her mum knows nothing of Mona’s involvement in what followed.

It’s not even nine a.m., so Kate’s sure Mona will be at home, still in bed. She was never good at waking up before lunchtime. And Mona’s mum will have left for work hours ago.

Kate rings the doorbell, then stands back to look up at Mona’s window, the blackout blind shutting out daylight.

Four times she has to buzz. Then six, seven, eight. Finally, Mona’s face appears at the window, scowling. It’s a shock seeing her again after three years. A painful eternity.

Mona pulls open the window. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘We need to talk. Now.’

‘I’m sleeping. And there’s nothing to say. We agreed not to contact each other.’

Wrong. It was Mona who dictated that’s what should happen. Kate naively went along with it, no questions asked, no time to consider what she was agreeing to.

‘Let me in, Mona – or I’m going straight to the police.’

Mona’s eyes widen but it takes her a few seconds to close the window. And another long minute before the front door opens and she stands there, her arms folded defensively. ‘What are you waiting for, then? Are you coming in or not?’

The house smells musty, uncared for. Mona’s mum is too busy to clean, and Kate doubts Mona would ever think of running the vacuum cleaner around the place.

‘What do you want, Kate? Why are you here?’ Mona doesn’t invite her further in, but lingers in the hallway in her short pyjamas.

‘I’ve changed my mind,’ Kate says. ‘We need to tell the truth about what happened.’

Mona’s face drains of colour. ‘No…what are you talking about? We can never do that, Kate.’ She grabs Kate’s arm and leads her to the living room, where the sofas are covered in so much stuff that there’s no space to sit.

‘We agreed,’ Mona continued. ‘You said you’d do it for me.’

‘I…I wasn’t thinking straight. And now I am.’

‘It’s been three years, Kate. You can’t just turn around now and say you’ve changed your mind. We’ll be…we’ll both be arrested. For perverting the course of justice or something. Are you crazy?’

Kate perches on the arm of the sofa. ‘I’m so far from crazy, Mona. I’ve never seen things more clearly. I want out of this lie. I came here to let you know that I’m going to the police. And I hope you’ll see that it’s the right thing to do and come with me.’

Mona stares at her, then shakes her head. ‘I will never do that, Kate. I’ve got my life to think about. And I’m seeing someone now. I really like him.’

With those words, Kate sees just how disturbed Mona is. She killed a man, yet there she is getting on with her life, in a relationship with someone. While Kate hasn’t been able to even look at a guy since it happened. Kate’s body blazes with anger.

‘I don’t care!’ she screams. ‘I’m going to the police!’ And she will – even though it will be hard dealing with them after last time. This time will be different – this time it’s to clear her name.

Kate turns to leave but Mona grabs her wrists.

‘You’re not thinking straight. And I won’t let you do this, Kate.’

Kate wrestles out of Mona’s grasp and makes for the front door.

‘I’ve got evidence that will prove you did it!’ Mona shouts.

Slowly, Kate turns. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I’ll show you.’ Mona runs upstairs, coming back with something in her hand. ‘Look at this.’ She hands Kate a photo.

Kate stares at it. It’s Kate – in Graham White’s flat, trashing the place. But still she asks Mona what it is.

‘Exactly what it looks like. Evidence of you stalking Graham White.’ Mona snatches the photo back. ‘And if you even think about going to the police, I’ll show this to them. And I’m sure I can find some other evidence if I put my mind to it.’

‘I hate you,’ Kate says, because right now that’s all she can think of to say.

‘If you ever go to the police, or tell a single person the truth, I will wreck your life, Kate. I don’t care if it’s two years or twenty years from now. If you ever have kids, I’ll take them away from you. I’ve already killed, haven’t I? Don’t think I won’t do it again if I have to.’

‘You… you… wouldn’t,’ Kate stammers.

‘Not worth the risk finding out, is it?’

Kate doesn’t stay to hear any more; she runs from Mona’s house. She never wants to set eyes on her again.

NOW

‘I did what I had to do,’ Mona says. ‘Surely you understand that by now? If the truth came out then my life would have been over.’

‘ You’re the one who’s been doing stuff to me,’ Kate says. ‘Sending dead flowers. Getting inside my flat. Leaving notes on my car.’

Mona scrunches her face. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Why would you do that when I’ve never said a word to anyone. I was too terrified because you’re so unstable. And I have a son.’

‘I haven’t done anything to you,’ Mona says. ‘I’ve kept my distance and tried not to think about you. Until now.’

‘And even back then, you planted that seed about me killing Graham on purpose! And I was too scared to challenge you.’

‘ I was scared too,’ Mona says. ‘I thought people would find out the truth. I…I just said stuff to make them think it was you, so that they’d never even consider for a second it could have been me.’

‘No one even knows you were there,’ Kate hisses. ‘You didn’t have to say anything at all.’ Crushing silence descends on them as everything unravels. ‘Did you attack Faye?’ Kate demands.

‘No!’

‘Were you trying to silence her in case she discovered the truth? She was good at that, wasn’t she? I’m sure if she kept digging, she would have found out the truth, or at least come close to it.’

‘No. That’s not possible. We’re the only two who know.’

‘Graham White’s girlfriend knew. You just said you wrote her a letter telling her he’d been seeing you. So she knew.’

‘But she never said anything to the police. I’ve thought about that a lot – and I think it’s because she didn’t want people to think she’d been in a relationship with a paedophile. That’s the only thing that makes sense.’

Kate recalls Jennifer’s comment all those years ago about knowing Kate was with Graham. At the time Kate had no idea what she was talking about but now it’s clear she was talking about Mona. She was probably disgusted that the man she loved could do that. ‘How could you let Jennifer think her partner was capable of that? You’ve ruined so many lives, Mona!’

‘Don’t you think I know that?’ Mona screams, shrinking back against the sofa.

‘Who’s Jamie Archer?’ Kate says. ‘Don’t lie to me!’

‘What? I don’t know.’

‘You’re lying.’ Kate scrolls through her phone and shows Mona a picture of Jamie.

‘He’s the man you were having an affair with. I met his wife – she told me everything. She’s convinced it was you.’ Mona’s lips form a half-smile. ‘Maybe we’re not so different after all?’

Kate slams her fist down on the sofa, right by Mona’s head. ‘Don’t you ever compare us. I’m nothing like you.’ But as soon as she’s said it, Kate realises this isn’t true. She’s been as much of a liar as Mona has.

Kate forces deep breaths. ‘So you don’t know him?’

‘How would I know him? He’s got nothing to do with me.’

‘But he might have something to do with Graham White.’

‘How? That was all years ago? This guy looks around our age – what could he have to do with it? I think you’re just desperate, Kate. Maybe you need to look closer to home.’

‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I mean that maybe you’re the link to everything here. Not Graham White.’

It’s late evening by the time Kate leaves St Albans and makes her way to Ellis’s house, with sleet pattering against her windscreen.

Ellis has given her a door key, but she rings the bell, determined to show him that she’s not settling in here, that this is a temporary arrangement.

What she’s not expecting to see when the door opens is Harper, smiling at her and letting her in, as if it’s her own house.

‘What are you doing here?’ Kate asks.

‘Ellis had an emergency and had to go out. He tried calling you but you didn’t answer. Apparently, Thomas begged him to let Dexter come over so he took me up on my offer of watching Thomas while he’s…doing whatever he needs to do. He didn’t like the idea of me being here, but I guess whatever he had to go and deal with was more important.’

Kate pulls out her phone, and sure enough there are three texts from Ellis and a voice message. ‘I must have accidentally turned my phone to silent.’ She can’t think what kind of emergency Ellis would be having; none of it sounds right.

‘This is our chance,’ Harper continues, ushering Kate inside and closing the door. ‘I can stay down here and keep an eye out in case he comes back, and you can have a root around. Start with his laptop. There’s got to be something on there.’

Kate bristles, annoyed that Harper is dictating what she should do. She brushes past her and follows the sound of the boys’ voices to the living room.

‘Hey,’ she says, forcing her voice to sound cheerful.

‘Mum! Dad said Dex could come for dinner. His mum’s making us pasta.’

‘That’s great. I’ve just got some things to do, okay?’

In the kitchen doorway, Kate watches while Harper busies herself with the boys’ dinner. Still not convinced she can trust her, Kate reminds herself she needs to stay vigilant. Especially after what she’s just learned about Mona. Graham White’s death was so senseless now and Kate will never forgive herself for being fooled by her. Too many lies have been told, and she still doesn’t know who killed Faye. Or who’ll be next.

Upstairs, she slips into Ellis’s bedroom and closes the door, surprised to find his laptop open on the bed. She rushes back downstairs and asks Harper if she’s been up there.

‘No. I literally just got here with Dexter. Ask him if you don’t believe me. All I’ve had time to do is take off my coat and find the pasta.’

Kate heads back upstairs, and brings the screen to life, surprised to find he’s still using the same password. She checks his email first, opening his Gmail and scrolling through. Nothing stands out. Just some spam and some from friends. His mum. A couple from Maddy. And then a name catches her attention that has no place in Ellis’s inbox.

Jennifer Seagrove.

Sent two hours ago.

Sweat coats Kate’s forehead as she clicks on it.

Hi Ellis,

I hope we can find a way to work this all out. Your wife is a liar and you need to put a stop to her. It’s just getting worse. End this. Before it’s too late.