Page 61 of The Cruelest Chaos

If I could’ve justbeen brave.If I could’vesaid something worth saying.If I could’ve suffered through the hunger. Forgotten the beer. If I could’ve not been starved for something more than food.

Maverick leans over me, his chest to my back, his lips against my ear. He’s not inside me, but his cock is so hard, so hot, I know he’s not going to wait much longer. I’ve been here before.

His fingers are at the back of my neck, he’s holding the belt so tight around my throat. I can’t breathe.

“Ella,” he whispers in my ear. “Be a good girl.” His breath is soft against my skin, soft and warm. “I’ll take care of you if you’re good, you know that, don’t you?”

This isn’t a game.

Is this a game?

“If you’re not,” he continues, stroking his fingers down the side of my wet face, “if you’re not good for me…” he trails off, and I wonder if he’s going to say anything at all. But then he finishes his sentence. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

Am I really scared? Is this really fear?He doesn’t mean it. But I think about what he said on New Year’s Eve. About beating a woman to death with a hammer.

No…

For some reason, jarring me from my thoughts, he loosens his hold on the belt and I gulp down air.

“Tell me why I should stop,” he says softly.

My head is spinning with his words, my chest tightening, my mind racing.

“Talk to me,Ella.”His words are more urgent, almost begging. Pleading. “Tell me your secrets.”

“I-I don’t want it,” I force myself to say. “Not there.”

He laughs against my cheek. “Never been fucked in the ass before?”

I swallow, my throat sore. “I have,” I confess. I feel his body tense at my back. “I just…” I don’t know what else to say. He might be god, and I might fall at his feet, but this way? Don’t gods want willing submission? They don’t want to force their subjects to their knees…do they? Isn’t that why we have free will?

Do I have free will here with him?I’m not so sure anymore.

He’s quiet, only the sound of our breathing in the room. And then he groans against my neck, his teeth scraping my skin so I canfeelthe sound in his throat, like it’s coming from his soul.

“Fuck,” he hisses, his brow pressed against my shoulder.“FUCK!”

Tears pour down my face even as I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to hold them back, fisting my hands on the back of the couch.

What happened to him to bring him to me?

Is it like what happened to me?

Are devils made? Was I born empty?Was he?

As if he’s reading my mind he says against my shirt, “What happened to you, Ella? Why do you let me treat you like that?”

I don’t pick my head up from the couch.

He reaches under me, clamps his hand over my mouth and jerks my head back. “You’re gonna have to start talking soon, baby.”

Baby.

“I can’t take this silence. It makes me want to hurt you more.”

Chapter Twelve

I waketo the sound of laughter.