Page 116 of The Cruelest Chaos

I know he’s ignoring my comment but there’s nothing to say about it.

“You’ll be a good dad,” I offer. I think that’s true. Probably overbearing and overprotective, but I know that as many screws as he may have loose—like we all do—he’ll be better than our fathers. He’ll do things differently. He’ll love with his whole heart, and he won’t force them to choose between love and duty. He won’t let them get girls entangled in a game that could cost them their lives. And if it is a girl, he’ll never push her away.

He’ll be good.

Better, at least, and that’s a start.

“I doubt it,” he says indifferently. “But she’ll make up for it. She’ll be perfect. Sheisperfect.”

You’re suffocating her. She misses Jeremiah. Let her talk to him. Let her go. Let her live. Let’s get out of this. Let’s run away from it.

Find her letters.

“She is,” I agree. I can almost feel his eyes shooting daggers into the side of my head but I don’t care. Sid is perfect. Perfectly fucked up, just like the rest of us.

“You ready for Noctem?” he asks with an edge, ready to change the subject.

“Yes.”

“What do you think it’ll be this year?”

I shrug. Usually, it’s psychedelics, lots of pot, a cave or a castle or an abandoned building with no civilization for miles. The 6 drop us off for three nights, pick us up as the sun rises on the fourth day. We’re supposed to have bonded. Faced down some of our demons. Not killed each other.

We’ll see if that last one holds true this year.

“You giving up the girl before or after?” Lucifer presses when I don’t bother trying to answer his previous question with words.

Maybe he does know a few things about me after all.

“You letting Sid stay home? You trust her?” I counter.

He’s quiet a minute, an engine revving at the strip. From the sounds of it, I think it’s Ezra’s. Hope he doesn’t crash into the trees beyond the runway.

“I trust her,” Luce finally answers. “I just don’t trust anyone else with her.”

Classic answer of the abuser, but I can’t really talk, so I keep my mouth shut and hate both of us for it.

“So what’re you going to do with her?” I turn my head, still leaned against his leather seat, to face him. He barely lets her leave the house. He still hasn’t got her a car. I don’t believe for a second he’ll feel okay leaving her for three days, not with the shit Jeremiah pulled at the bar. Things have gotten worse since then. They’ve fought more. Thrown things.

I know all of this, and he has no idea.

He’s looking at me, smoke coming out of his mouth. He tosses his cigarette without taking his eyes off of me. “Extra guards. And maybe if you wanna play nice, you could have Ria come chill with her.”

There’s a challenge in his words, and I deserve it. I’m lying to him about so many things, and I don’t feel great about it. He doesn’t know I had Ria. Doesn’t know I lost her.

Only Ella knows that.

Only Ella knows every fucked up part of me.

I don’t answer him.

“You know they’re going to be looking for her as soon as it’s over.” Lucifer cracks his knuckles. “Maybe even while we’re there.” His tone is ominous, and I know he’s not trying to force my hand, but he’s right. They probably will look for her.They might have already found her.And I’m too much of a selfish prick to do anything about it.

My stomach churns, thinking about what the 6 might do while we’re away; to Sid, to Ella, and to Ria if they haven’t found her already. I keep reminding myself Elijah is better than Lazar, but every Council meeting shows me they’re all the same.

And my father, now that Lazar is out of the way, is the most toxic of all of them. Maybe we should just kill them all and get this shit over with.

The words are on the tip of my tongue:Run away with me. Let it go.