Page 50 of The Beach Holiday

THEN

Even in the dark I could see Cupcake’s eyes had lit up when I produced the cigarette and the matches.

He held his hands out with glee.

‘I need to light it for you. I can’t really give you an entire box of matches,’ I said, putting the cigarette to my lips. It had been a long time since I had smoked a cigarette.

I heard a rustle behind the bars of Cupcake’s prison. I looked through the gaps and saw a man had pushed himself right against the bars of his own cage. He had made himself a bed on some leaves. He was looking down in his lap. I felt sorry for him.

‘Hey,’ I called to him. He nodded back at me. I was happy just talking to Cupcake for now. It was easy discourse.

When it was lit, I handed the cigarette through the bars to Cupcake. He sucked it and held the smoke inside, a satisfied smile creeping across his lips until his whole face was full of joy. I heard groans of protests coming from some of the other cages.

‘Tell them I’ll bring more tomorrow,’ I said to Cupcake. He nodded but continued to smoke the cigarette. I didn’t speak to him for five minutes as he smoked it down to the nub. I found a spot on the ground next to the cage.

Cupcake shoved the butt into the earth.

‘Thank you.’

‘So what did you do? To find yourself here.’

Cupcake shook his head. ‘What did any of us do? No trial, no justice. Just this. Locked up.’

‘Avril said . . .’ I started.

Cupcake looked serious. ‘We all know what Avril says. But do you believe her?’ He jerked his chin out and widened his eyes.

I looked shamefully at my feet. I was here tonight because I was too scared to stand up to Avril, and I didn’t know the answers or the truth. I only knew what she had told me. But here were fifteen men all locked up. What was I to think?

Cupcake sat down close to the edge of the bars.

‘I’ve had a lot of time to think in here and sometimes...’ he grabbed the bar with his hand ‘...I get very angry. But what can I do?’ He looked up at me with pleading eyes.

‘I don’t know what to say,’ I said pathetically ‘I’m sorry. I...’

‘I get it – you’re scared,’ Cupcake said.

I felt my hackles rise. I had been scared of Bruno, but I had got away. If I was brave enough to do that, I was surely brave enough to face this scenario head-on. Avril had lied to me from the beginning, about where I was headed, about Clara, about who I was sharing the island with.

‘So what will you do, Sadie?’ Cupcake’s voice filtered through. ‘You’ve been given a job now, no? Look after us, poor silly men.’

‘I have been assigned the task of checking in on you regularly.’

‘But not sitting here and chatting with me.’

‘Probably might be frowned upon.’

‘By Avril, your boss? And you do everything she says?’

‘No,’ I said quickly.

‘I can hear a faraway beat. Another party tonight?’ Cupcake looked into the distance as though he might be able to see what he could just about hear.

I didn’t mention the men arriving or the way the girls had been draped over them when I left, or my fear for James and his companion.

‘Yes, they like to party.’

‘And you? You’re not a party animal?’

‘Oh, I’ve been known to throw a few shapes from time to time.’

Cupcake laughed then, and I wondered how it felt to be locked up and not able to go anywhere for years.

Yet still be able to laugh that way. I thought about Clara then and how she would have made him feel.

Did she give him the hope that he needed to get through a day?

When I glanced around at the other men, they all had a glassy look in their eyes.

Some were just lying there, not moving. I felt a stab of sadness in my gut, and it rose up into my chest.

‘We used to sing. When we first arrived. Quite the camaraderie here,’ Cupcake joked. But a bitter tone to his voice gave away his true feelings. This man hadn’t given up; he was pissed off. He wanted to be free.

I wandered into camp the next morning. Mary clocked me first, and then Precious and Kali.

The mothers looked at me and the feeling seemed to spread until there was a moment when every person in the camp turned and acknowledged me.

But not with a smile or a hand raise – they looked at me as though I were an outsider.

And I felt it. Not only in the brief, nothing looks, but it was in the air.

It was all around us. I knew that something had shifted.

My lack of time in the camp had been noted.

I remembered how Clara used to disappear so often in the mornings, and the argument she had with Avril.

Avril must have known she had got close to Cupcake, and I could already see how that had happened.

Had she been planning on setting him free?

Had Avril got wind of this? I couldn’t think the thought, let alone consider putting any sort of plan into action.

I had to consider my own safety. And not this uncomfortable feeling in camp; maybe it was time I considered a way to get myself out of there.

‘I hope you’ll be playing by the rules.’ Kali’s words came back to me.

I was supposed to keep an eye on things down there.

Not get cosy with them. But already I could see what Clara had seen, why she had wanted to spend so much time in Camp Z.

Cupcake was an alluring character. And the more I considered him and the situation, the more doubts I had about why he was there.

‘Missed you last night,’ Avril said, a hint of something in her voice that didn’t sound as though I had been in her thoughts in a good way.

‘I was tired.’

‘Have you been to Camp Z?’

‘I checked on them again last night.’

‘You only need to go once a day. Give them their food and water rations,’ she said as though I should know all this information.

‘Right okay, I’ll start that as of today.’

She looked thoughtful. ‘And Adi, he...’ I hadn’t mentioned to Avril that Cupcake had been holding on to Adi when I had arrived the day before yesterday. Already I knew I didn’t want to make things worse for him.

I told her he had been caught in the mimosa bush.

‘Did you see him?’ Avril sounded concerned.

‘I didn’t,’ I said and she seemed okay with this.

‘We should get those cut back a bit maybe.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘If it’s worth it,’ she mumbled afterwards, and I didn’t ask her what she meant by that.

I wanted to get away, to get up to Camp Z, and as it was first thing my duties were to feed and water them. After a fitful night’s sleep I knew I needed some straight answers. Someone had to tell me the truth, and I had a feeling it could be Cupcake.

I ate breakfast with the camp. James and his friend weren’t anywhere to be seen and I presumed they were still sleeping.

I hoped they were still sleeping. There was a sullen feeling over breakfast, and it seeped into my veins.

I didn’t like it, and I was glad when I could excuse myself and go back to my cabin and open another page of the journal before heading to Camp Z.

Journal entry

I am feeling sad. I am feeling sick. I know what is wrong with me, but I can’t talk about it with anyone.

I heard there is a witch doctor on the next island; they help with all sorts of problems, and maybe they could help me with my problem.

Maybe they could make it go away for good and then I can carry on with island life as if nothing ever happened.

I just need to find the confidence to go.

It’s a short trip of about an hour, but what if something went wrong?

What if I didn’t come back? I couldn’t risk my life.

I can’t even call home, I can only imagine what they will have to say.

I wish I could just talk to someone about this.

I am held here by the ties I have. I will forever be bound by this one act.