Page 36 of The Beach Holiday

NOW

I have begun to repeat to myself over and over that I am in a psychiatric unit. It had been written down several times for me, but now, the chanting in my mind has begun. It is becoming part of a daily mantra. I am in a psychiatric unit.

They must know all about the pictures I have drawn and what they mean. Maybe we’ve had that conversation already, and I just can’t remember. I can see the images in my mind, the wardrobe stacked with drawings.

By the time I am due to have my next session with Dr Bhaduri, I am terrified this is it. I am going to be arrested for my crimes. I have gotten away with it for too long.

I sit down on my usual chair, slightly to the right of Dr Bhaduri’s, and wait for him to begin.

Each week it is different. Today I can tell he has something important he needs to say.

Why don’t I get rid of all the drawings?

Why did I stack them in the wardrobe? That was not the right thing to have done.

I look around the room in case someone else had slipped in unnoticed and they are about to arrest me.

But the atmosphere is as calm as it is each time I have been here.

Dr Bhaduri clears his throat and begins speaking.

‘Following on from last week’s session where we explained to you, again, where you were, there have been some uncoverings regarding your friend.’

I feel my heart thud in my chest. It is all over, my time here, nestled amongst others who had forgotten, who are lost in their minds. This was the beginning of the end for me. I couldn’t have done something so terrible and remained living in such comfortable conditions.

‘Sadie, while in the care of your parents, you spoke of nothing except your missing friend, Avril. Your parents had never met Avril before. So there have been several checks run on one Avril Quinn, and several checks run under different variations of the name. We haven’t been able to link her to any social media accounts.

You claim you had been living on an island with this woman.

We’ve assisted the investigation into this woman who you claim was the leader of a commune, and we can conclude it has come back unsuccessful.

There is no record of any woman, meaning that your friend, whom you say you were living with and were very close with, may never have even existed. ’