Page 54 of Somewhere Only We Know (Healing in Cincy #4)

JAX

THREE YEARS LATER

“ A re you sure we have enough space for everyone?” I ask as I look at our dining room with a now very critical and a bit of a self-conscious eye.

The large twelve-seater dining table is made up with plate, silverware, a runner, and candles.

Moody wallpaper contrasts beautifully with the oakwood dining table and the area rug underneath ties all of the color together.

“Yeah. The room is done to your specification,” my husband says from his spot at the counter while he chops up a basket-full of vegetables for tonight’s dinner.

Nate’s right, although I’ll never outright tell him that because I love keeping him on his toes.

He’d find me standing in the threshold everyday after the room was finished because I loved the way everything turned out.

“I have something for you.” He told me one night after I finished up my last meeting.

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” I asked distractedly while scrolling through social media. A sheet of what I guessed are blueprints, covered my phone and it took me a minute to place them before I looked up at Nate. “This–is this…”

“The blueprints and a 3D print for the house you dreamed up when we were in college? Yes, it is.” He admits and drops next to me on the couch.

I looked at each room on the paper in awe. He remembered everything. Down to the built-ins and landing from one end of the house to the next. I remembered him telling me he had these drafted up, but seeing them in hardcopy form is still an out-of-body feeling.

“Nathan Alexander, if I wasn’t already married to you I would drag you to the courthouse.”

“Good to know.” He told me and leaned over, kissing me on the cheek.

“So why are you showing me these now?”

Nate threw his arm over the back of the couch and leaned into me.

“I want to build a home with you, Bee. A life. A place where we can hear our kids running and laughing upstairs. A place where we can host our families and friends. A place where you and I can grow old and gray together. This house is your dream and you’re mine. ”

I look over at him with tears in my eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bee.”

“So do we go practice making babies now?”

“I thought you’d never offer.” Nate says and stands up, tossing me over his shoulder and walking to the bedroom. Our joint laughter echoes through his house as he goes down the stairs to the bedroom where he keeps his promise and we practice making babies for the rest of the night.

“Yeah. I do have good taste. ”

Nate snorts. “Come try this. I need to know if it’s missing anything.”

I scrutinize the dining room one last time before walking the handful of steps to the kitchen. My wine glass finds a spot at the end of the kitchen island and I slide my hand in the back pocket of Nate’s jeans. He holds his hand out with the spoon and I test what he’s making.

“Maybe more garlic?”

“You have impeccable taste.”

“I know.” I say and tap him on the butt.

The sound of forks tapping and scrapping on plates fills the dining space.

A lot has changed in these few years, but one thing has remained the same.

We’ve all shown up for each other. We’ve healed in ways beyond our wildest imaginations.

Sure, we’ve lost a couple of people along the way.

But we’ve gained so much to make up for those losses.

A throat clearing at the end of the table has us all coming up for air from our food.

“I have some news,” Kamryn says from the other end of the table and I narrow my eyes at her. She looks at Mason before looking back at the rest of us and I think I know where she’s going with this. “I’m pregnant.”

“Shut up!” Sarah and Emily say at the same time.

“How far along are you?” Sophie asks.

“Twelve weeks.”

“Is that why you’ve been treating her with kid gloves?” I ask my brother-in-law.

Kamryn and Mason had begun trying to conceive fairly quickly after they got married. I know my sister would never admit to it, but every negative test wore her down. Apart from losing Liam, I had never seen my sister so defeated.

“I told him not to,” Kamryn whines.

“Since we’re sharing news,” Sarah says.

“Not you two too.” Bryce groans and his girlfriend gives his neck a squeeze.

“No. We eloped.” Riley perks up.

“Why?” Kamryn asks, sounding a little like she’s on the verge of tears. Which is highly possible due to the hormones.

Sarah looks at Riley and they share a look. “We didn’t want the big wedding. We wanted the two of us and our parents in attendance. Plus, the justice of the peace.”

“Well, congratulations!” We all cheer.

I look around the room at my family and chosen family.

Years ago I could never picture this. I could never picture being in a room with those I love unconditionally.

Where we can come together at least once a month, when schedules allow, and have dinner or lunch together.

I sit back in my chair and swing my leg over Nate’s thigh.

He gives me a wink before joining in conversation with Mason and Adam. This is a good life.

Four Years Later

“Daddy!” I hear through my office door and smile at the greeting as three voices greet Nate.

Soon after my sister announced she was expecting, Nate made it a goal to start having kids as soon as possible.

It took us a while after I had my IUD removed and seeing the negative tests over and over, broke me.

I almost told Nate I didn’t want to try for kids anymore because it was just another reason that I failed.

He held me as I cried. Confused why we weren’t pregnant .

“Hey, Bee. If this is not our time, it’s not our time. We’ll keep trying.” Nate said to me after one of my many breakdowns over a negative test.

“But this is supposed to be the easy part,” I cry.

Nate rocks us back and forth on the hard bathroom floor. “Your body needs time to reset.”

I remember the days leading up so vividly.

A production company finally approached me for my podcast, because they liked me and what I had been doing with my show.

My numbers were better than ever and the guests I had sparked deeper conversations with those who tuned in weekly.

But my joy was snuffed that next morning.

My period was late again. Later than it had ever been and I was riding on cloud nine.

I thought, finally . This is it! Because all I wanted since Nate and I got married was to have his babies.

But the negative test staring back at me was like it was laughing at me.

My husband, my caring and in-tune with my body husband, constantly assured me that it would take time for my body to regulate the hormones after having been on birth control for so long.

Deep down I knew that. But when you get so many negatives, it’s hard to look for the positive.

Nate took control of everything. I always joked that he should’ve gotten a degree in women’s studies because I learned so much about my body from him that I finally stopped stressing over my set timeline to get pregnant.

Well, he worked his magic because on vacation we conceived.

Seeing a positive test after so many negatives, I was convinced I was hallucinating.

And now we have three beautiful babies. My husband likes me pregnant and he’s very close to getting that fourth baby he talked about all those years ago if he keeps this up .

Sully paws at the door, begging to be let free. Her face is lightly coated in sugar-colored fur and her gait isn't as strong as it once was. But every time I’m in my office, she’s right by my side. I think she just wants a little slice of quiet from our lively bunch outside.

“Come on, Sully girl. Let’s go see Natey.” Her tail wags slowly and together we walk down the hallway to where chatter greets us.

“Hi, Miss Sully.” I hear Nate greet her.

Leaning on the threshold that leads into the living room, I see our son Samuel with his curly hair, tucked into Nate’s side as he holds the bottle for our daughter, Eden.

Who doesn’t really need anyone to hold her bottle, but Nate has spoiled her.

Our three month old, Ivy, is still asleep in her bassinet and won’t be up for hours. For a little one, she loves her sleep.

For a while I didn’t think this was possible.

Before I gave Nate a second chance, I thought my time had run out.

But this–my husband, my kids, it all felt like an illusion.

This house I live in with a career that fills up every cup I hold out is the most real thing I could have ever wished for.

I’m so grateful I let my sister drag me to that baseball game, because if I would have resisted, I would have missed out on my life with Nate.