Page 4 of Somewhere Only We Know (Healing in Cincy #4)

JAX

“ J ax?!” I hear called out when my sister enters my house. Sully’s nails echo as she rushes down the stairs and to the door to greet Kamryn.

“In my room!” I call out to her.

The adjustment period when you move somewhere new takes getting used to.

Somedays it’s still weird being in a new space to call my own.

It took some work to train myself not to head to my old apartment as that was where my career launched and where I lived for five years.

But then all I have to do is remember the bad and that helps me to redirect to my new safe place.

“Are you ready?” She asks, calling up from the living room. A squeaky toy is squeaked in quick succession as Sully asks for her to play.

“Just about. Will you let Sully out and then we can walk over?”

“Yep. Let’s go silly girl,” I hear Kamryn coo.

As soon as I finish up in the bathroom, I look in the mirror at my outfit.

I decided to not rock the boat with what I wear, so I have on a black mini cotton skort that hits mid- thigh, a red bodysuit, white hightop Converse, and a black baseball hat with a dainty baseball embroidered on the front.

The red thankfully goes with both teams. Unlike my sister, I never ruined my curl pattern.

But for the sake of the summer, I’ve pulled my hair into two dutch braids that lay over my shoulders.

Knowing the stadium's stance on bags, I transfer the essentials to a phone sling and pop my phone in the holder last. The gold chains of the sling are cool in my hands, but when I loop it over my body the pieces instantly warm up on contact.

I walk out of my room and head down the stairs right as Kam comes back in with a happy Sully. Remembering my patterns, I pull up my phone to text Sophie.

Me: Hey, it’s Jax.

Me: From the dog park.

Why I am so awkward?

Me: Are you going to the game today?

Sophie: I am!

Sophie: Please tell me you’re coming too.

Me: My sister got us tickets.

Sophie: Perfect.

Sophie: Let me know when you’re here and we can hang for a bit.

Me: Sounds good.

“Ready?” I ask my sister although I can clearly see that she is if her tapping her foot is any indication.

My sister has mastered the art of sporty attire.

It helps that she’s a fashion designer and a former WAG.

While we’ve been in Cincinnati for the last few years, that’s not stopped her from wearing the opposing teams merch on the rare occasion that they’re in town.

Her black distressed shorts, Philadelphia jersey, and Air Force Ones is what she went with today.

“So ready to crush them!”

I snort and fill up Sully’s water bowl then grab the house key. “Easy, tiger. How’d Mason feel seeing you wear another team?” I ask as I lock up the front door and hop down the front steps.

She lets out a wistful sigh. One full of love for her husband and I’d be grossed out if I wasn’t beyond happy that my sister got her happily ever after. “My husband doesn’t get jealous often. But him seeing another team on my chest really–”

Scratch that. I’m still grossed out. I hold my hand up to stop her. “Okay, I get the picture. I mean, I don’t but…can you not?”

Kamryn cackles as we jump onto the sidewalk towards the stadium.

Silver Lining to moving is that my house is close to the baseball stadium.

Well, if you count crossing the street a few times and walking under freeway underpasses close, then sure.

But even when I’m not headed to a game that Cincy is playing at home, I can now pour myself a glass of wine and sit on my back patio and listen to the faint sounds of the crowd cheering.

So, yes. The roundabout way to the stadium makes heading to the games a breeze.

“How are you holding up?” Kam asks and loops her arm through mine.

I let out a breath and look forward. We’re getting closer to the ballpark and fans pour in and out of the bars or out of friends' apartments, laughing and talking animatedly .

“I’m…adjusting,” I say the word slowly. “Yeah, that’s the word. I’m still adjusting. Having Sully helps too.”

“Has he texted you?”

I sigh. The he my sister is referring to is my ex. “He did at first. But after the first week of constant texts, I blocked him.”

“Good.” Kamryn says and gives my arm a squeeze. “I’ve missed you.”

I look over at my sister. “I never left.”

“You know what I mean,” she tells me.

Yeah. I do know what she means. While Kamryn and I were never best friends, not only because of the two year gap between us and her going states away for school, we always had each other to count on.

But because my sister didn’t know what she wanted to do until later on in college, while I always knew what I wanted to do.

Then the divide between us grew with her losing Liam and my tumultuous relationship with Trent—Kamryn and I were so disconnected from each other.

We tolerated each other as siblings and eventually with me working with her.

But in the last year, we’ve built up a true sister-bond.

“Well, now we have the chance to get back what we had. But, way better.”

“You bet your ass we do.” Kamryn says and wraps her arms around me.

We chat and laugh the rest of the way to the stadium. She bounces off ideas for game attire for women since most of it is catered to men. If it’s one thing, my sister is always going to find a way to work even when she shouldn’t. Fans flood the entrance and our pace slows as we join the lines.

Kamryn grabs my hand and takes me off to the booths. “So I know we’re early, but we also have field passes. ”

“Have I ever said you’re the best sister ever?” I ask her rhetorically when we’re at Will Call.

“You know I haven’t heard that in a very long time,” she teases.

“Well I’m only telling you once.”

She rolls her eyes and I take a moment to take in the joy on this sunny and cloudless day.

I hear the distant sound of the crack of a wooden bat hitting baseballs, the music from the stadium as a warmup song pumps up those of us waiting to get inside, and the beeping sound of tickets being scanned.

This is what I’ve missed. This is what I didn’t realize I missed.

My ex really wasn’t big on sports which was crushing to me because growing up in Philadelphia I was surrounded by sports.

I can’t remember a time in my childhood where we weren’t at a football, baseball, basketball, hockey, or soccer game.

We breathed sports in Philly. But I pushed my obsession for the game as a fan to the side to appease him.

When I came to the first home opener, I felt like I had a sign on my head that read “newbie to the game” and everyone was watching me. That clearly was all in my head though. Now I’m able to enjoy the game like every other seasoned fan.

My excitement reaches new levels when we get our passes from Will Call and my steps are light in a way that almost has me bouncing.

“Are you excited for the game or something?”

“Don’t ask dumb questions,” I tell her. “I am more excited to see them warmup.”

“That was always your favorite part.” Kamryn holds her hands out like she’s squeezing their butts.

“And you’re the older one,” I sarcastically say.

Her laughter echoes off the tunnel's walls as a security guard leads us through the dugout and to the field. Now that we’re closer to the field, I can feel the vibrations of the ball being hit off the bat reverberating through my chest. The smack of the pitcher's ball hitting the catcher's glove with a solid thwack. It’s a feeling and sound I’ve loved since I was a kid.

The sun beats down on us again when we step out of the tunnel from the dugout and onto the field.

“This look on you is incredible,” Kamryn boasts as she takes a picture of me.

“You’re one to talk. You haven’t stopped smiling in the year since your wedding. It’s weird.”

“It is a weird feeling for me, I won’t lie. I didn’t know if I’d have that.”

“I always knew you would. Despite my original reservation.” I tell her with a hip check and look back out over the field to pay attention so we don’t accidentally get smacked by a wayward ball.

When Mason reappeared, I was skeptical to say the least. My sister was coming off a successful Fashion Week run and I was worried how his reappearance would affect her.

But it turns out my worries were for nothing and Mason turned out to be her number on champion. “So do you know anyone who’s playing?”

“Actually, I do. I found out that Chance got traded here a few weeks ago, so it’ll be good to see him today.”

I turn and look at Kamryn. “Weird. The girl I met at the park is engaged to someone who got traded here a few weeks ago..”

“Really?” My sister asks and turns to meet my gaze.

“Yeah. Small world if it’s actually him. But you must be excited to see him, right?”

Before Mason–and after, there was Liam and his college team.

While I now know Liam was broken, it wasn’t until after he passed that Kamryn realized he hid the darkest parts of himself from her.

My sister lost her ex-boyfriend almost six years ago in a car accident.

His former teammates came to the funeral and lashed out at her claiming she should’ve been the one to fix him.

They blamed her for something beyond her control.

Chance was among those who blamed her. And that was when I truly lost my sister.

She shut down and shut me out and on one of the few days after the funeral, his parents stopped by her place to drop some things off for her.

Apart from the ring she wore, she never spoke of what else was in the box.

But whatever it was caused her to retreat further into herself.

Has she forgiven them? Has she even talked to any of them?

“Wait, have you talked to him since, you know…the funeral?” I don’t know why I whisper that last part. But it almost feels like talking about that time is a guaranteed mood-killer.

“Chance reached out a couple of years ago. Even though I put that day behind me I think he had been hanging onto that guilt for the way he treated me.”

“Guilt and grief make people react differently,” I say from personal experience and look around the field.

“That it does,” Kamryn says with a sigh and looks out onto the field. “Oh! There he is.”

“Kamryn Rawlins.” Chance says as he picks her up in a hug. “How’ve you been girl? It’s been a long time.”

“Way too long, in fact. And it’s Kamryn Brooks now.” She holds up her left hand for him to see her engagement ring and wedding band.

His eyes bug out, as does everyone else’s when they see the size of her ring. “What? You and Mason?”

“Mm hmm. For a year now.” I can see it’s taking everything in my sister to not jump up and down.

Watching my sister as a fashion mogul is different from watching her interact with friends and talk about her husband is a different character.

She’s looser with how she holds herself.

But not too loose as she knows eyes are on her.

“Wow congrats! You deserve it,” he tells her earnestly.

“Thank you. And what about you? You’re playing for the Major League now. I always knew you had it in you.”

“Thank you. It’s still a pinch-me moment. Oh, and I’m engaged now.” He tells her with the biggest smile on his face.

“Jax was just telling me about a girl she met at the dog park and we connected the dots assuming it was her. Is she here?”

He looks around the empty seats and then towards the outfield where fans try to get a free ball from the outfielders. “You must have met my Sophie. She should be here soon. It’s good to see you, Jax.”

“You too.”

“I do remember her telling me about meeting you.” He looks over his shoulder and we see his Coach waving him back in. “Well, I gotta get back. We should get drinks after the game. Bring Mason.” He points this request at Kamryn.

“He’s at the office, but I’ll text him.”

“You still have the same number?” He asks as he walks backward.

“Yeah. And bring your fiancé. I’d love to meet her.” My sister replies.

“Will do. I’ll shoot you a text.”

“Cool. Bye Chance,” she says and we watch him return to his warmups.

I shake my head bemused and we turn to head back to the dugout. “How is it that you don’t get flustered around athletes? ”

“Really? Do you not know who my husband is?”

“Tru–” I start to say, but the word trails off as I feel my body burning from the heat of someone’s stare and I look up to see familiar eyes on me. It’s like seeing a ghost. Someone I never expected to see after he up and left our final year of college with only a semester left.

“Jax? What’s wrong?”

My voice gets stuck in my throat the longer he and I continue to stare at one another from across the field. He still looks the same. Although, that could be my imagination playing tricks on me.

“Nothing,” I finally tell her and look away from him. “Let’s go get food and watch the rest of the warmups from our seats.”

My body continues to burn as we leave the field. And it’s not from the sun. No, that burn is reserved for the boy I knew at eighteen, who I fell in love with at twenty-one, the boy I almost gave my virginity to, and the boy who texted me over winter break and never came back to college.