Page 10 of Somewhere Only We Know (Healing in Cincy #4)

NATE

PRESENT DAY

“ S o, what was it?” Bryce pushes and I kind of want to throttle him for not being able to read the room. “Or who was it is what I should be asking.”

“She was my best friend in college,” I tell the group. And I don’t miss Jax chugging down the last of her beer.

Bryce slaps his hand on his chest. “Friends to lovers. A true classic. My sister is going to love this.”

“Are you a romantic, Bryce?” Kamryn asks in a teasing way. Maybe not really searching for an answer, but she’s about to get one regardless.

“Are you kidding? The trust that’s already built up. The comfortability between two beings. You can’t get that anywhere else.”

“But that’s unrealistic,” Jax pipes up and her words just shoved a dagger in my chest. “It doesn’t matter how much trust is between two people. All it takes is one moment or one text to destroy it all.”

Bryce looks on the verge of tears and despite all of the teasing he’s going to make someone very happy. “But what about the second chance? ”

She leans forward and sets her empty glass on the table. “I don’t think it’s realistic for everyone. Sorry, Kam.”

Her sister nods and eyes her sister like she’s a stranger.

“Damn, girl. You’ve been burned,” Sophie chimes in.

“Two times, too many,” Jax admits and I want someone to hand me a shovel so I can start digging my own grave. She clears her throat with a cough mixed with a laugh. “You know, I forgot I have a meeting with my manager. Good game today, guys.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Kamryn asks as Jax abruptly stands. She’s so close to me, but so completely out of reach.

She shakes her head. “No, you stay,” she urges and hesitates with her next move, but pushes on. “Bye, guys.”

Jax leaving abruptly sends weirdness through the group.

And once she’s out the door, it takes everything in me to not run after her.

But I’m not that person for her anymore.

Maybe she has a new person she leans on.

Someone who stays, someone who is willing to meet her halfway, and that someone is not me.

It hasn’t been since I sent that damn text message.

“What don’t we know about your sister?” Chance asks after no one has said anything for an awkward few minutes.

Kamryn crosses her leg over the other and swings her foot. “My sister is as complicated as a Rubik’s Cube. You may think you’re given the right moves, but unfortunately she’s something that you can never solve. Trust me, I've been trying to figure her out for the last few years.”

That’s an understatement , I say to myself.

“I don’t know much about what happened in her college years, as I was mixed up with my own stuff, but her last relationship was not good.”

Chance sits up. “Who do we need to straighten up? ”

I look at Chance and then over at Kamryn hoping she gives a name. I don’t resort to violence, but anyone who hurts Jax deserves to be taught a lesson.

“He’s a nobody. Just a waste of space who used my sister’s connections to get seen.”

“How long were they together?” Sophie asks.

Kamryn draws a design in the condensation on her glass. Possibly stalling telling us her sister’s business. “Three years too long. But they were more off than on. It was toxic.”

I bite my tongue and silently do the math. What happened in the three years after college? Surely I could look everything up, thanks to modern technology, but that seems way too intrusive for a guy like me. No, I want to know about Jax the woman. Not what a generic internet search will tell me.

“Huh,” Bryce chimes in. “Can we loop back to Natey?”

“Please, no.” I groan and sit back in my chair.

“How long had you known her?” Bryce asks, ignoring me.

I look over at him and he cheeses in return. I lift my hat off my head to stall and resituate it. “We met on the first day of college.”

“Babies,” Sophie coos.

“That is cute,” Bryce agrees with an exaggerated nod of his head. “When did you tell her you had feelings for her?”

I sit back in my chair and look around at the group waiting for my answer. “Towards the end of our third year.”

Thinking back to that time, had I just buried my feelings for her, leaving wouldn’t have been as hard as it was.

I mean, it still would have been hard. But then I wouldn’t have had the bonus hardship of a relationship.

I never went into our friendship with less than honorable intentions and if all we got to be were friends, I would have gladly accepted it for what it was.

But even when Jax finally reciprocated my feelings, I still never rushed her.

“Why so long?” This question comes from Kamryn.

One thing my parents taught me was to always look someone in the eye.

Not only as a form of respect but so that they knew you were speaking directly to them.

So I turn my head to look at Kamryn and answer her question.

“Because she saw what happened with her sister and best friend at the time. How confessing feelings at the wrong time can ruin any solid friendship.”

I don’t mean to spell out that the girl I’m talking about is Jax, but I can see when it clicks for her. Kamryn’s entire demeanor changes. And it’s as if she’s gone into mama-bear mode to protect Jax, but also wanting to push her sister to happiness. I’m not sure which one I would prefer.

“Okay…” Bryce starts and then looks at the time. “It’s getting late so I think it’s time we wrap this up.”

Wordlessly, I nod and am the first to get up from my chair to head inside to pay my tab. The only thing I’m looking forward to is heading home and getting ready for tomorrow’s game.

“Good luck tomorrow,” the owner says as I cash out.

I drop a $20 in the tip jar. “Thank you.”

I don’t bother saying goodbye to anyone else. So I push out the door onto the street hoping I can leave before I’m stopped.

“Hey!” A voice yells out to me moments later.

Fuck! Stopping, I turn and see Kamryn stomping her way over here.

“Nice try. We’re not done talking. So you’re going to take me to my car,” she orders in the way Jax used to.

We hold our stare and it’s clear she’s not going to let up. “Fine. Where to? ”

“My car is at Jax’s place.”

Because of course it is. I drop my head back and decide now is a good time to curse that we’re in the same city. Cincinnati of all places.

Stepping back a few paces, I motion Kamryn to follow me. Silently, we walk up the short hill to my truck. And because I’m not a total douche, I open the door for her. Rounding the back, I exhale roughly before hopping in the driver’s seat.

“You’re her Nate,” Kamryn says when I start up and give a swift nod. “I may not have been as attentive when I graduated college, but I still listened when my sister told me about this guy friend of hers. Which was not a lot, might I add. My sister is not as open as I am.”

We hold eye contact until I force myself to look away. “Which way?” I finally ask before I pull into the street.

“She’s at the other end. So take a right at the third street,” she says and sits back in the passenger seat. “Wow. You really did a number on my sister.”

I swallow through the lump in my throat. “I didn’t mean to leave the way I did.”

“You said your dad was sick?”

“Yeah.”

“And how is he?”

I know Kamryn doesn’t mean it in a rude way. “He passed away before I graduated.”

The doctors could never figure out how or why a seemingly healthy, middle-aged man could pass away so fast. One minute he was going to his weekly appointments and the next he passed away in his sleep.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“Thank you.” I say and flip the turn signal on and slow to turn. “You may think I left Jax and never thought of her. But you’d be wrong. She’s all I’ve thought about since I left. But I don’t regret going home and spending those unknown final moments with my dad.”

Kamryn is silent but instructs me to take another right. “I want to be mad at you. My sister–she helped me through my grief of losing Liam while still trying to get over you. But I also want to commend you for putting your family first. I guess that’s one thing you and my sister have in common.”

I glance over at Kamryn and see she’s blinking away tears for what her sister went through. I never so much as looked at another girl my final semester. And when I got drafted, I focused on baseball. Meanwhile, Jax never left my mind.

“Turn right at the next street and then she’s at the new builds.” Kamryn instructs.

I do what she says and tighten my grip on my steering wheel. “I never got over her.” I confess.

“Had your dad not gotten sick, do you think you two would be together?”

“Yes.” I answer with zero hesitation and slow down once I get to the new townhomes and whistle. Jax is a complete stranger to me so I have no clue what she does for a job.

Had my dad not gotten sick, we would have graduated together.

Those plans we made would have come true.

I mean, who knows if Jax would have followed me to wherever I was drafted but I know we would have stayed together.

She loves being around her family so she may have stayed home and just traveled to meet me where my games were being played.

But I do know, in the depths of my soul, that she and I would be married by now.

Maybe with a kid or two. The thing about futures is that to operate, they need wrenches.

That’s what happened with us. A wrench was thrown and I have no idea how to fix the damage .

Kamryn points to the last unit and I roll to a stop when I pullover. “My sister settled with her ex.”

I look around her toward the front door and then at Kamryn. “What do you mean she settled?”

“Jax loves love. She always has. You probably know this. And I think she was constantly searching for what she had with you in other people. That led her to someone who was the complete opposite of you in every aspect.”

“I didn’t want that for her,” I say and I realize my voice has come out tight.

“I can see that,” she says and looks at me before looking out the front windshield. “In a perfect world–one where you and Jax can live in peace, would you be with her?”

I nod my head.

“Then fight for her. My sister is so used to being the one to fight for everybody else and for what she wants that now it’s time for the roles to reverse. She needs someone to fight for her. And I think, just from being around you, that you’re the person who’s going to fight for her.”

“How do I do that? She wouldn’t even look at me,” I speak and don’t know if I accurately masked the hurt. While I know I hurt Jax. Her looking through me hurt even worse.

Kamryn unbuckles her seatbelt, lost in thought.

“I was the same way when I got back together with my husband. Must be a familial trait because we wear our hurt like they’re masks.

Okay, she’s going to hate me for telling you this, but she has a podcast, Life Not Simplified .

You should give it a listen and see if you can reach her that way. ”

“Okay. Thank you,” I tell her as she opens the door. Movement from behind the curtain in the front room shocks me.

“No. Thank you. Now I finally know a little more about my sister.” Kamryn hops down from the truck. “Hopefully, I’ll see you around.”

I lift my hand in goodbye and wait for her to walk inside.

Before I pull off, I pull up the podcast app and type in Jax’s channel.

With over fifty episodes to choose from, I scroll to the bottom and press play.

With one last glance at Jax’s house, burning it into my memory where she lives, I look behind me and pull off to head home.