Page 49 of See the Stars

Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars.

SERBIAN PROVERB

‘ I wish you’d let me pick you up from the airport.’ Hugo took Alice’s bags as she stepped into the flat. ‘I could have hired a car.’ She, Matt and Berti had stayed on in Hawaii for the rest of halfterm for a few glorious days of sunshine, relaxation and stargazing.

‘The train is quicker,’ she said. She looked around. ‘Where’s Basalt?’

‘Oh, he was sleeping in the bathroom,’ said Hugo. ‘I closed the door so as not to disturb him.’

‘He doesn’t usually like it in there,’ said Alice. ‘It gives him flashbacks of that time he slipped into the tub.’ She opened the bathroom door and Basalt shot out, his tail fluffed up as though he’d been fighting. He zoomed behind the sofa, his place when he was upset.

‘He wasn’t asleep,’ said Alice, her eyes on Hugo.

‘He must have woken up when you came in.’

‘Did you lock him in there?’

‘Of course not,’ said Hugo dismissively. ‘So come on, tell me all about it.’

‘I’ve missed you, Basalt,’ said Alice, bending down at the back of the sofa. ‘I’m sorry I went away, but I’m home now. You’d have liked Hawaii, there was a lot of very good fish.’ She held out her hand to the cat, who tentatively gave it a sniff.

‘I’d have liked Hawaii too,’ said Hugo. ‘Maybe we should go there on our honeymoon?’

Basalt shuffled out from behind the sofa to rub his face on Alice’s. She kissed him back, then sat on the sofa, exhaling with the pleasure of finally being comfortable after a long flight. Basalt jumped up onto her lap with a loud purr.

‘Great news,’ said Hugo. ‘I think I’ve swung it for you with your boss. I told Frieda to tell him you had COVID and of course then he couldn’t insist you come in.’

‘I didn’t know you had Frieda’s number.’

‘She gave it to me at your Christmas party. Remember?’ Alice didn’t. ‘Anyway, I even logged into your computer a few times to make it look like you were working from home.’

‘That’s elaborate,’ said Alice.

‘You’re welcome.’ He smiled, then took the place next to her on the sofa, putting his arm around her. ‘We can go back to normal now,’ he said. ‘You can get back to work, we’ll plan the wedding.’ He smiled and squeezed her shoulder gently. ‘You’re where you belong.’

Alice felt Basalt dig his claws into her legs. She’d been so wrapped up in the comet that she hadn’t given much thought to what came next.

But now she could see it as clearly as an orbital path.

Back at work every day. Long hours. Stress. Cigarettes and alcohol and endless coffees just to get through the weeks. Exotic and expensive holidays to try, in vain, to unwind while emails continued to pour in on her phone. Yes, she thought, looking at Basalt. A cattery while she was gone.

A wedding. A beautiful dress with an unforgiving corset.

A venue that cost tens of thousands to hire for five hours and was covered in flickering fairy lights and imported flowers, where they would sip their choice of red or white wine from rented glasses and eat sautéed salmon and dauphinoise potatoes.

Perhaps they’d step outside and there’d be fireworks, the mini explosions obscuring the already light-polluted sky.

‘Are you OK?’ asked Hugo. ‘You’re very quiet.’

Hugo. He was kind and handsome and she liked him. But that was all. Theirs was not a love that burned like the stars. And maybe she did deserve more than that. Maybe they both did.

‘This isn’t where I belong,’ said Alice, her voice slow and deliberate as she thought through what she was saying.

‘What?’

Already she could feel herself calming as she allowed the words to leave her body. ‘It’s wonderful,’ she continued. ‘You are wonderful and I’ve been so lucky to have all this. To have you. But it’s not going to make either of us happy, not really. I can see that now.’

Hugo’s hand left her shoulder and she watched as his body tensed up. ‘Alice, you’re jet-lagged,’ he said. ‘You’ve been through a lot and I don’t think you know what you’re saying. Why don’t you go take a nap, then we can talk later?’

‘I’m not right for you,’ said Alice. ‘I’m sorry.’

He turned to face her. He opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped for a moment and sneezed instead.

‘Even my cat is wrong for you.’ She paused. ‘You’ve been fantastic, but I think—’

‘We just need stronger antihistamines,’ said Hugo, rubbing his nose. ‘That’s all.’

‘That’s not all,’ said Alice. ‘We’re like the star Proxima Centauri and its exoplanet, Proxima Centauri B.’

‘What?’

‘Proxima Centauri B is tidally locked,’ she explained. ‘It should be in the habitable zone, but because the star’s gravity is so strong, it doesn’t spin on its axis, so one side is always hot and one side is always cold.’

‘Alice, I think you do need that nap.’

‘They are two things that should work together but don’t. It’s just not right.’ She looked at him, willing him to understand. He looked back at her, his face blank. Berti would have understood her immediately. She thought for a moment. Perhaps Matt would too.

‘We’re not right for each other,’ she said, her voice gentle.

‘But we’re great together,’ he said. ‘We’re happy.’

‘I’m not sure we are,’ said Alice. ‘Not really. I’m sorry.’ She stood up. ‘It’s not fair on either of us. We both deserve more.’

‘Thanks for letting us stay here,’ said Alice, putting her bag down on her brother’s sofa. ‘It’s just for a bit, while we sort out what we’re going to do about the flat. It didn’t seem right to ask Hugo to leave.’

‘You’re welcome, sis,’ said Eddy, putting the cat box down. ‘For what it’s worth, I think he sounded kind of smug.’

‘He was lovely,’ said Alice. ‘You think all southerners are smug.’

‘That’s because they are.’ Eddy laughed. ‘You were becoming a bit smug yourself,’ he added. ‘You got out just in time.’

‘I did,’ said Alice. She bent down and opened Basalt’s box. He hissed at her and stayed put, cross at enduring another ignominious journey across the country.

‘I found some cat food on special,’ said Eddy, shaking a large box of dry food.

‘Oh, he won’t touch that,’ said Alice. ‘Mum boiled him some fish to settle his stomach after a long journey.’

‘Even your cat is spoilt,’ said Eddy. ‘He won’t be getting any of that treatment here. Not from me.’ He paused. ‘Mum would really like to see you, though. I think you should visit her.’

‘Maybe,’ said Alice. She sat down, reaching a tentative hand into Basalt’s box to try to stroke him.

‘I really do appreciate you letting us stay.’ She appreciated more than that about her brother.

He was different to her. He didn’t care about comets or stars or maths, but that didn’t matter.

He cared about her, and he was family. He was a good person and she could rely on him.

But he was her brother, so of course she didn’t say any of that. Instead, she scooped Basalt out of his box and put him gently down on the carpet. He tentatively sniffed the air, remaining close to Alice while he scoped out his new environment.

‘No bother,’ said Eddy. He smiled. ‘Actually, I’m not here all that often now,’ he said. ‘So you won’t be in the way.’

‘Things are going well with Jennie then?’ asked Alice.

‘The best. I even think Berti can tolerate me now. Of course, being your brother helps. Glory by association.’

‘Glad to assist,’ said Alice.

‘And Mum’s been great with him too,’ said Eddy. ‘We’ve only been together a little while, but she’s already treating him like a grandson.’

‘I can imagine.’

‘Our mother is a good person, Alice,’ he said, his voice soft. ‘And she loves you.’

Alice nodded. She loved her mother too. But she had loved her grandfather more.

The doorbell rang. Basalt ran to the door. Eddy followed. ‘Don’t let him out yet,’ called Alice, getting up to follow them.

She stopped. Her mother was standing in the hallway, Basalt purring in her arms.

‘Did you invite her?’ Alice asked her brother, not at all crossly.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Sheila. ‘I’m not stopping.

I’ve just come to bring some provisions.

’ She gestured to three large tote bags next to her.

‘A couple of casseroles, and some boiled fish for Basalt. I know how it settles his stomach after a journey.’ She put Basalt down.

He sniffed at the bags and meowed hungrily.

‘I’m pleased you are doing what’s right for you,’ she said to Alice. ‘It’s your life, and I want you to be happy.’

Alice and her brother looked at each other as Sheila closed the door behind her. Basalt began pawing at the bag with the fish.

Alice thought about anger and where it had led to. She remembered the comet, spreading across the sky. Then she thought of her mother. Sheila didn’t care about the stars, but she had always cared about Alice. She’d made mistakes, but she’d made sacrifices too.

Alice knew that she herself had been far from perfect – as a daughter, as a sister and as a friend. With both Sheila and Zelda, there’d been something about her that had made them hide the truth. Perhaps she had been too exacting, too single-minded, too unwilling to forgive people their mistakes.

But she had to forgive herself if she wanted to be happy. And she had to forgive others too.

She had to learn to take risks again.

With her mother, she still had a chance. A second chance.

Second chances shouldn’t be missed.

She got up and went to the front door. Her mother was sitting in the car, starting the engine. Alice walked up to the car and peered in.

Her mother wound the window down.

‘Cup of tea?’ Alice said simply.

A smile of pure happiness spread across Sheila’s face. She knew what the offer meant.

‘I’d love one,’ she said, turning off the engine again. ‘I’m parched.’

Alice lay back on the grass, staring up at the night sky. She could see Pegasus and Cassiopeia, and there was Orion’s Belt, all stars that had guided sailors for centuries.

‘Betelgeuse is bright tonight,’ said Berti. He was also lying on the grass, his head next to hers but his feet angled away, as if they were spokes on a wheel.

‘It’s because of the internal nuclear reactions,’ said Matt, from her other side. The third spoke. He was holding her hand, and she could feel the heat of the contact through her whole body, simultaneously giving her goosebumps, and providing protection against the chilly night air.

‘Everyone knows that,’ said Berti.

‘Not everyone,’ said Alice. ‘And it’s good to go over old ground.

Truth be told, I’m a little nervous about going back to university.

’ She was restarting her PhD as a mature student at York University.

This time it wasn’t about who got the credit or the glory.

It was about the science. And the stars.

‘You’ll be ace,’ said Matt, gently squeezing her hand. Alice felt the tingle that she always did when they touched.

‘You will be,’ agreed Berti. ‘There’s no one cleverer than you, except for me. And I’ve only just turned fourteen, so you have a head start.’

‘You’ll grow,’ said Alice.

‘Of course I will,’ said Berti. ‘My self-prescribed astronaut training regime is kicking in already. A high-protein diet and moderate physical activity three times a week has meant that I’ve gained six pounds in the last three months.

Most of it muscle.’ He smiled. ‘Even Danny has left me alone. A break from bullies is an unexpected and very welcome side effect of my new career path.’

‘I’m pleased,’ said Alice. They lay in silence for a moment, interrupted by the sound of Basalt merrily prowling in the undergrowth for mice.

‘I’ve got some news too,’ said Matt. ‘You remember that job I applied for?’

‘I knew you’d get it,’ said Alice, turning away from the stars for a moment to look at him.

‘He hasn’t said he has,’ said Berti. ‘He just asked you if you remembered him applying.’

‘I have got it,’ said Matt. ‘I’ll be working on the plans for a new wind farm just outside York.’ He smiled. ‘It’s pretty exciting.’

‘Now you have a job, you could afford to move out of Mum’s spare room,’ said Berti. ‘It’s getting a bit cramped, what with Eddy around so much.’

‘I could,’ said Matt.

‘Yesterday I had to wait twenty minutes to have my shower, and the bathroom floor was soaking.’

Matt looked at Alice. ‘Perhaps I could find a new flatmate?’ he suggested.

‘Perhaps,’ said Alice. She smiled. ‘A student might be good.’

‘A student would be a terrible choice,’ said Berti. ‘They would be messy, keep irregular hours . . . and they might not pay their rent on time.’

‘Wise advice,’ laughed Matt.

‘You want a young professional really,’ said Berti.

‘Or a mature student,’ suggested Alice.

‘That’s a bit of a long shot,’ said Berti. ‘A mature student would probably . . . ’ He trailed off. ‘Oh,’ he said. Then he smiled. ‘You’ll need somewhere with a garden,’ he said. ‘For Basalt. And a spare room for when I visit.’

They slipped into silence again, punctuated only by the gentle rustle of leaves as Basalt continued his hunt.

Alice looked at the stars, navigating to the place where her grandfather’s comet had passed.

There was nothing there now, just a patch of empty blackness.

P/Thorington would be approaching Jupiter, drawn by the gas giant’s gravity into a loose orbit before it began its long journey back towards the sun.

‘It feels like we’ve all found our place on this planet of ours,’ she said, reaching to take Berti’s hand too. ‘And it’s got a great view of the stars.’