Page 34 of See the Stars

‘No,’ said Alice. She could feel her heart beating loudly in her chest at the prospect of lying. ‘No,’ she said again. ‘Nothing like that.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I just . . . don’t feel ready yet.’

‘You have another doctor’s note?’

‘Not yet. I could talk to my consultant and maybe—’

‘No need. We’ve all had doctor’s notes at one time or another,’ said Angus, waving away the idea as if swatting a fly. He narrowed his eyes. ‘I think I know what’s going on here.’

‘You do?’

‘I do,’ he confirmed. ‘And I think a raise would help. That certainly sorted me out when the doctor wanted me to take some time off.’ He smiled at the memory. ‘I should have paid him commission. That piece of paper is the world’s best bargaining chip.’

‘No, it’s not that . . . ’

‘You didn’t need to resort to these tactics, you know,’ said Angus. ‘I was going to give you one anyway in your next review. Still, good to know you’re keeping me on my toes.’

Alice hesitated for a moment. She could feel her heart beating harder in her chest, and remembered the feeling of concrete on the back of her head four weeks ago. The stars swimming around the night sky overhead.

‘No,’ she said. ‘This isn’t a . . . ’ She stopped. Shit. What was the word? ‘Thing we’re going to argue about,’ she managed.

‘Everything is a negotiation,’ said Angus. Negotiation. That was the word she’d been looking for. She hadn’t lost a word for weeks, and here it was happening again. Things hiding in the recesses of her mind when she needed them.

She looked away from the screen. Basalt had jumped up on the table and was making his way towards the laptop as if preparing for his Zoom debut. She smiled and stroked him. He looked hungry.

‘What’s that? I can’t see you.’

Alice blinked. She tried to angle her laptop away so that Angus didn’t get a view of her cat’s bottom. ‘It’s not about the money,’ she said.

Angus laughed. ‘Good one. Always a great idea to break the tension with a joke. You’re more of a player than I realised, Alice Thorington.’

‘I’m not playing, and this isn’t a game,’ said Alice.

She gave up trying to shoo away Basalt, and he went to the camera again, bumfirst this time.

‘I would like to have more time off. Please can I just add some holiday to the end of my sick leave? I have ten days saved and I’d like to use it now.

I know this isn’t much notice, and I’m sorry, but I really must insist.’

‘Please move that animal of yours. I’m seeing something I would rather not.’

Alice picked up Basalt and put him on the floor. He jumped up onto the windowsill and glared at her.

‘Please, Angus,’ she said. ‘Just two more weeks.’

Angus studied her. ‘Fine,’ he said. ‘Just this once. We’ll keep the dreadful temp on.

’ His voice softened. ‘Listen, Alice, I know I’m tough, but you are one of the most dedicated analysts I’ve ever worked with and you’ve never asked for anything before.

I know you’ve been very unwell. Take your two weeks, not a day more, then come back shipshape and ready for anything. ’

‘I will,’ said Alice, relief flooding through her. ‘Thank you.’

Alice sat on one of the chairs they’d set up next to the tripod, holding a cup of tea close to her for warmth.

Berti was peering through the telescope, wrapped in a coat that looked like a sleeping bag.

The night was cold but clear and the moon was only displaying a small sliver of itself in the sky. Perfect conditions.

‘Do vertical sweeps,’ she told him. ‘There’s some research from Japan that suggests the human eye is more likely to perceive things when looking top to bottom, rather than side to side.’

‘OK,’ said Berti.

Alice watched Basalt, who was thrilled that they were outside with him and was rubbing himself on the base of the tripod.

‘Bother,’ said Berti. ‘It’s out of alignment.’

‘Come on, Basalt,’ said Alice. ‘I think it’s time for you to go in.

’ She reached down to scoop him up, but he was having none of it, and shot off across the garden.

‘That should keep him away for a bit,’ she laughed.

‘There’s nothing like the threat of being put inside again to keep him from bothering us. ’

Berti leaned away from the telescope. ‘You do know your cat doesn’t understand words?’ he said.

Alice thought a moment. ‘Yes,’ she said.

‘You’re right, in a way. Unlike dogs, cats, even Basalt, can’t interpret human words.

They probably understand as much from us as we do from their meows.

But couple it with body language and eye contact and even tone of voice, and I think he gets the drift.

’ Since she’d done her orbit calculations, Alice felt the scientific part of her brain was flourishing, like a muscle that was being flexed once more.

‘That makes him better at understanding people than me,’ said Berti.

‘What do you mean?’

He blinked several times. ‘I never know what people mean from their body language. I never have done. Even the term “body language” makes no sense to me. Mum had to explain it. She drew me some pictures of people pulling funny expressions and doing weird things with their hands with an explanation of what they meant, and I memorised them. And don’t get me started on tone of voice . . . ’

Alice looked at him. ‘Zelda used to say the same thing,’ she said. ‘That “body language” was an oxymoron to her. A contradictory statement.’

‘Who is Zelda?’

Alice bit her lip. ‘She used to be my best friend.’

Berti smiled at her. ‘But that’s me now,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Bad news for her, great news for me.’

Alice didn’t reply.

‘Come on then,’ said Berti. ‘Your turn to look through the telescope. I’ve done the first sweep.’

‘How’s the hunt coming along?’ Matt said as he came up the garden path. Alice looked up from her telescope.

‘Much better,’ she said. ‘Now we’ve got that final data point.’

‘Alice thinks it will appear in the next two weeks!’ said Berti. ‘So you need to tell Mum I’ll catch up on my sleep after that.’

‘Five minutes more,’ said Matt with a smile. ‘Then we get going.’

‘Use them wisely,’ said Alice, stepping away from the telescope so Berti could look. She went into the shed. Matt followed her. ‘Can I have a cup of tea?’ he asked.

‘OK,’ said Alice. She stood well back from him. The time she’d spent with Hugo reminded her that she had a fiancé, and a lovely one at that. She needed to keep Matt at a distance.

As she busied herself with the kettle, Matt sat down slowly and started flicking through the logbooks. ‘Hugo seems like a nice enough guy,’ he said, echoing her thoughts.

Alice looked up. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘He is.’

‘And he’s a science teacher.’

‘That’s right.’

‘He’s very pleasant,’ said Matt.

Alice poured the tea. ‘What is this?’ she asked with a careful laugh. ‘Hugo appreciation day?’

‘No,’ said Matt. ‘I’m just saying he’s nice.’

Alice picked up her mug, unsure where he was going with this. She had to be so careful that he didn’t get the wrong idea. The right idea , said a small but rebellious voice in her head. ‘He is.’

‘And lucky too,’ said Matt, ‘to have someone as special as you.’

‘I’m not so special,’ said Alice.

‘You are,’ said Matt. ‘Of course you are. You’re not like anyone else, Alice. That’s why I like you so much.’ For a moment he looked directly into her eyes and she into his. They were a deep shade of blue, like Neptune.

She felt flushed just from the eye contact. She looked away. She shouldn’t be feeling this way.

‘But you’re going to go back to London,’ he said.

He reached out his hand for a moment, then seemed to change his mind and drew it back.

‘To your lovely boyfriend, and your nice life.’ He hesitated, then took a deep breath.

‘I don’t suppose there’s anything anyone could do to encourage you to make a crazy decision, and stay here instead? ’

Alice knew what he was asking her, and a small but clear voice inside her brain told her that it was what she wanted.

But she couldn’t give in to it. She simply couldn’t.

‘I only have two weeks of extra leave,’ she said, avoiding the question. ‘I’ll lose my job if I don’t get back.’

Matt didn’t reply. He was staring into his mug now as if communicating with his tea.

‘Berti will miss you,’ he said, his voice soft. ‘When you go. It will feel very quiet without you here.’

Alice nodded. ‘I’ll miss Berti too,’ she said, looking straight at Matt. She thought of the touch of his hand on hers, and the flicker of electricity that always passed between them.

‘It’s not just Berti who’s enjoyed spending time with you,’ said Matt, his voice careful.

‘I’ve really enjoyed spending time with him too,’ replied Alice, avoiding what she thought he was saying. ‘It’s the best time I’ve had in years,’ she added, realising the truth of her words.

‘Doesn’t say much for recent years,’ said Matt with an awkward half-laugh.

‘No,’ said Alice, taking a sip of her tea, just for something to do with her hands. ‘I suppose it doesn’t.’