Page 46 of See the Stars

For the wise man looks into space and he knows there is no limited dimension.

ZHUANGZI

‘ H ere we go!’ said Berti as the plane started to gather speed on the runway.

‘The engines are so loud! The upthrust will make us airborne within seconds.’ He paused a moment, and Alice felt the incline change as they took off.

‘That’s it,’ shouted Berti, banging his hands on the armrests in excitement and kicking the seat in front.

‘We’ve left the earth. Next we’ll be climbing through the clouds until we reach the stratosphere.

’ He turned from the window for a moment to look at Alice.

‘We’ll be stratospheric!’ he exclaimed. ‘This is the best half-term ever!’

‘Not so loud, Berti,’ said Matt from the aisle seat on the other side of Alice.

Jennie had insisted that Berti could only come if his uncle was there too.

Alice hadn’t mentioned to Hugo that Matt would be with them on their trip to Hawaii; her fiancé had been upset enough that she was jeopardising her job for what he’d started calling an ice cube in the sky.

‘Some people might be trying to sleep.’ Matt’s hands were gripping the armrests and he’d turned a funny colour.

His eyes were firmly scrunched shut but he did not look at all restful.

‘How could anyone sleep when there’s all this to see?’ declared Berti, his face pressed against the cabin window. ‘I’ve never seen the earth from above in real life before.’ He paused, then shrieked as the plane wobbled a little. ‘A cloud! We’re going through a real cloud!’

Alice looked at Matt, whose knuckles had turned white. Despite herself, she felt a wave of affection for him. She had to resist the urge to reach out and take his large, tense hand in her own. ‘You didn’t tell me you were afraid of flying,’ she said instead, keeping her hands firmly in her lap.

‘I’m not,’ said Matt. He opened his eyes briefly, then thought better of it and closed them again. ‘I’m afraid of crashing.’

‘But you were in the army,’ said Alice.

‘The army. It’s ground-based. There’s a reason I didn’t join the RAF.’

‘But didn’t you have to fly all the time?’

‘Flying over and into war zones did not make me more relaxed on aeroplanes,’ said Matt. ‘Can we talk about something else?’

‘Sure,’ said Alice. She shifted in her seat, rolling her shoulders back and trying to get comfortable.

She was very aware of Matt’s leg inches from her own.

‘We change planes in LA,’ she said, to distract herself.

‘And our flight to Hawaii gets in at four p.m. local time. We’ll be able to check in to the hotel and freshen up before we head to the observatory for sundown. ’

‘And you’ve got permission to use the telescope?’ Matt kept his eyes closed as he spoke, but his grip looked a little looser, as though some of the circulation was returning to his hands.

‘Yes,’ said Alice with a smile. ‘It’s not the biggest one at the top of the mountain – that one is all computer-operated and is booked up for months – but there is a more traditional telescope partway up that we can use.

It’s such good seeing there that it should be more than ample for our needs.

My old PhD buddy Callum is a research fellow at the university there.

He’s arranged it all.’ She thought a moment.

‘I’m looking forward to seeing him, actually,’ she added.

‘Is he an old boyfriend?’ queried Matt. One eye peeked open.

‘Not really.’

‘Not really?’

‘We were close at times,’ she confessed. ‘And his research on galaxy dynamics was interesting. I’d like to see where he’s taken it.’

The plane made a noise and Matt braced himself back against his seat.

‘That’s just the landing gear retracting,’ said Alice. ‘It’s nothing to worry about.’

‘I know,’ said Matt through clenched teeth. ‘I am a trained engineer. It doesn’t stop it being terrifying, though.’ He paused. ‘Ignore me for a few minutes,’ he said, ‘while I do the breathing exercises Jennie gave me. See how Berti is doing.’

Berti was happy to oblige, his face still pressed against the window.

‘Clouds look different from the top,’ he announced.

‘Fluffier. I’m not sure what the scientific explanation is, but I’ll look it up when we land.

I can’t decide whether I prefer being over clouds or clear sky, because I love seeing clouds but then I love seeing the earth too.

It’s so different from up here. More planet-like, somehow.

The topography is more obvious.’ He looked briefly at Alice.

‘Maybe it would be quite something to see the earth from space after all,’ he added.

‘And it turns out I’m very brave with heights. ’

‘Are you reconsidering your decision not to be an astronaut?’ she asked him.

‘I am rather,’ said Berti. ‘This flight might have done the future of space travel an enormous favour.’

Alice smiled. ‘I’m glad you’re enjoying your first aeroplane ride,’ she said. ‘Wait till you taste the food.’

‘Does food taste different up here?’ asked Berti.

‘She was being sarcastic,’ piped up Matt, after he’d let out a deep breath. ‘Airline food is notoriously awful. Although there is a scientific reason food tastes different on aeroplanes.’

‘The lack of humidity,’ said Alice. ‘The lower air pressure, even the background noise, it all has an effect.’ She paused. ‘But yes, I was being sarcastic. Sorry, Berti.’

‘Sorry?’ said Berti. ‘You’ve taken me on my first ever plane ride and we’re travelling to Hawaii to discover a comet and now I have a taste for flying I’m going to be an astronaut. You can be as sarcastic as you like about everything, for ever, as far as I’m concerned.’

Alice laughed. Even Matt managed a half-smile.

‘You too, Uncle Matt,’ said Berti. ‘Mum wouldn’t have let me come unless you came too. I won’t forget it.’

Matt reached across Alice’s lap and took his nephew’s hand. Alice looked at his arm. She could see his muscles under the skin. She looked away, out of the window.

‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.

’ The plane juddered slightly as it hit some turbulence, and he snatched his hand back and used it to grab his seat.

‘Well,’ he added, ‘I’d have happily missed this bit.

But I can’t wait to see the look on your faces when you find that comet. ’

‘ If we find the comet,’ said Alice. She still wasn’t sure.

She’d run her calculations carefully, but they were only as good as the source data, and already it had revealed one mistake.

There could be more. Plus, comets were unpredictable.

The data could be perfect and it could still be gone, disintegrated by the sun or absorbed by Jupiter’s gravity.

Then there were more earthly problems: the plane might be delayed, the night might be too cloudy, the telescope could be broken . . .

‘ When we find the comet,’ said Matt, his voice insistent. ‘I’m not going through a seventeen-hour flight for nothing.’

Alice turned to him. ‘Thank you for coming,’ she said. ‘You didn’t have to.’

‘Yes I did,’ said Matt. ‘We’re going to find that comet and we’re going to claim it for you. And your grandpa.’

The plane juddered again and he suddenly clasped her hand.

Alice tried to remove it, but he was gripping too tightly.

‘It will make everything worth it,’ he said as his fingers dug into her own.

She could feel little semicircles of pain from the ends of his fingernails, but also a gentle heat creeping into her whole body at the contact. ‘Everything.’

*

At the hotel, Alice had told Matt and Berti to get some rest while they could, but she found she couldn’t follow her own advice. She was too wired with excitement, as if electrical currents were passing through her. So she showered away her journey, changed her clothes and went to explore.

She’d grown used to nice hotels in recent years. They couldn’t afford to go on holidays when she was a child, but she and Hugo had started taking two or three big trips a year, plus more romantic weekend breaks, albeit interrupted by constant interactions with the office.

The office. She hadn’t even told them what she was doing, just sent a hasty email saying she couldn’t make it in.

Although she hadn’t lied, the implication was that she was sick, and she felt guilt rising in her.

She remembered the extra workload she’d taken on when colleagues had been ill.

Until recently, she’d barely taken a day off sick in years.

For a moment she thought about what she was doing.

Disappearing from work, without leave, to fly to Hawaii.

It was not the sort of thing she did, not the sort of person she was.

She was far too responsible, far too careful, far too controlled.

And yet here she was, standing in her flip-flops and sarong outside her hotel room. She’d done it. She hadn’t even found the comet yet, but already, strangely, it all felt worth it.

She took a deep breath and looked around her. Jennie would tell her to enjoy the moment. The hotel was decorated with bright local artwork, which she admired as she sought access to the outside world.

It felt like a labyrinth, and she passed the buffet restaurant several times before she finally spotted an exit. She pushed the heavy door open and stepped out.

The air was warm and humid. It smelled like an expensive candle Hugo had bought her at Christmas, but instead of coming from scented wax, she recognised frangipane blossoms blowing in the breeze. She followed a path that wound around the pool, past lush tropical gardens and down to the beach.