Page 44 of See the Stars

Astronomy compels the soul to look upwards, and leads us from this world to another.

PlATO

‘ I bought you a cappuccino,’ said Frieda, from across the desk. ‘Welcome back.’

She reached out and took the cup, feeling the familiar warmth in her palm; a promise of the energy surge that she needed. ‘Thanks.’

‘It’s so good to have you back,’ said Frieda, settling behind her computer.

Alice could hear her but not see her over the screen, which was how they had interacted for years.

But today she found it strangely discombobulating.

‘Are you reading old emails? I wouldn’t bother.

Just delete the lot.’ Frieda leaned to one side so Alice could see her face for a moment. ‘A fresh start.’

‘Yes,’ said Alice. She took a breath. This was her life. She’d chosen it.

It was more than she deserved.

And it didn’t have to be stressful. Stress was all in her mind. A coffee would be fine, everything in moderation, that was all. The doctor had said she was ready to come back to work.

And she was.

She highlighted the emails from the last month. Her finger hovered over the delete button, but that seemed reckless. Instead, she created a folder labelled ‘Save’ and put the lot in there, just in case.

‘Alice!’ Angus entered the office, still chewing on a miniature Danish pastry that had clearly been swiped from a corporate breakfast meeting. ‘Good to see you. Fit and well, I hope?’

‘Fighting fit,’ said Alice, with the most enthusiastic smile she could muster.

‘Great stuff. I thought we’d get a piece out today on the market activity. You do the analysis; Keith will pull together the report. We’ll put your name and photo on it so our clients can see you’re back, then schedule some follow-up meetings.’

Keith looked up from his screen. ‘I’m actually up to my eyeballs in—’

‘Make it happen,’ dismissed Angus as he walked into his office. ‘Great stuff.’

The door closed. Keith got up and came round to Alice’s desk. He crouched down so they were at the same height. ‘I’m pleased you’re OK,’ he said. ‘You had me worried when I found you.’

‘Thank you. I’m fine now.’ She smiled. ‘How’s your son?’

‘Doing great,’ said Keith. ‘Or so my wife tells me. I haven’t seen much of him for a while. I’m always back after bedtime. Still, we have to pay the bills, don’t we?’

‘We do,’ said Alice. She looked at his tired face. ‘I can write the report,’ she said. ‘You get on with what you need to.’

‘Really? Because I do need to get this presentation finished.’

‘Yes,’ said Alice. ‘And thank you again,’ she added. ‘For calling the ambulance.’ The word was easy to say now; she could hardly believe she’d struggled with it at the time. Lying on her back on the pavement seemed light years ago. ‘You saved my life.’

‘You’re being dramatic,’ laughed Keith, standing up again, his knees creaking. ‘But you’re very welcome.’

Alice blinked. The numbers in front of her were swimming.

Fine. Not a problem. She rolled back her chair and looked out of the window. Not to see the stars, she didn’t need that. It was just to change the focus, give her eyes a rest.

‘Smoke?’

She looked at Frieda. ‘Maybe just some fresh air,’ she replied.

Frieda grinned at her. ‘Of course,’ she said.

They went down in the lift together and Alice followed Frieda to their old spot. They weren’t allowed to smoke outside the front of the building, so it was around the corner by the bins, out of sight of any visiting clients.

Frieda offered Alice her packet. ‘No thanks,’ said Alice. ‘I’ve quit.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I’m just here for a break.’ She took a deep breath of smoky, slightly rancid air. ‘I need to look after myself, the doctor said.’

‘I give it a week,’ said Frieda, lighting up.

‘And that’s generous.’ She took a puff and coughed.

‘God, that’s good.’ She looked at Alice.

‘I’m so pleased you’re back. Turns out things were going to shit without you here.

Did you know that one of my clients is thinking of selling their holdings in . . . ’

Alice tried to listen, but the conversation fluttered away from her like a bird.

She thought back to what the doctor had said to her when she was in hospital.

Her lifestyle. Surely everyone in the City lived like she did.

Wasn’t everyone at risk of a stroke? Frieda smoked much more than her.

Angus worked longer hours. Keith was trying to juggle his career and a family.

That couldn’t be easy. It was the life they’d chosen, all of them. It had its risks; it had its rewards.

‘ . . . do you agree?’

Alice looked at Frieda, no idea what she’d been saying.

‘Yes,’ she said, trying to sound confident.

Frieda frowned at her. ‘Are you sure? Because usually you—’

‘Do you like it?’ asked Alice, cutting her off.

‘Like what?’ asked Frieda.

‘The company. The work. The cigarettes to make it through the day. The alcohol to make it through the night.’

Frieda frowned. ‘I like the fags,’ she said finally. ‘And the booze. The work I have to do to afford the fags and the booze.’

‘But would you want the fags and booze,’ said Alice, ‘if you loved what you did?’

‘Anyone would think you’ve had a near-death experience.’ Frieda grinned, then spoke more seriously. ‘You have a good life, Alice. A well-paid job that you’re good at. People respect you. You have a lovely, kind fiancé. You’re lucky. We all are.’

Alice nodded. It was all true. Yet she couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t right for her.

‘Give it a week or two,’ went on Frieda. ‘You’ll be too busy with your spreadsheets to be thinking like that.’

Alice nodded. ‘Maybe,’ she said.

‘So where did you go once you got out of hospital? You extended your leave. Bahamas, I hope?’

‘Bahamas?’ asked Alice, the idea sparking something far back in her mind. ‘No, Yorkshire.’

‘Really? How come you look so refreshed?’

‘Do I?’

‘Like you’ve been at a five-star resort,’ said Frieda.

Alice smiled. ‘I did have a good time,’ she admitted. ‘For the most part.’ She paused. ‘I almost found a new comet.’

‘Really? I thought that shop had gone online only now.’ Frieda laughed. ‘I must say, you really don’t know how to have fun.’

‘Not that type of comet,’ said Alice. ‘The ones in the sky. Huge balls of ice and rock hurtling through space.’

‘Oh, like meteorites.’

‘No. Those are different. Meteors are rocks from space that have entered the earth’s atmosphere; they don’t become meteorites until they hit the surface of the earth. Comets are made of ice and dust and they orbit the sun.’

‘Sure.’ Frieda took a final puff, then dropped her cigarette to the floor, stamping out the light. ‘Come on, let’s get back,’ she said. ‘No rest for the wicked.’

Alice put her key in the lock to her apartment. It was eight o’clock, early for her to be home, but she felt exhausted, as though her whole body was made from lead. It was to be expected. Day one. She wanted to change into her pyjamas and curl up in bed.

She pushed open the door. Basalt wound his way round her legs, his affection almost tripping her over. She bent down to pick him up and they entered the kitchen together.

The table was laid, with a small vase of flowers and a candle burning. Alice could smell coq au vin, Hugo’s speciality. ‘It might not compare to your mother’s cooking,’ he said, coming over to greet her with a kiss. ‘But it comes with candlelit romance.’

Basalt hissed at him and Alice put the cat down. ‘That’s so sweet,’ she said, wishing that she could just slip into bed. ‘And just what I need.’

‘I thought so,’ said Hugo, looking pleased with himself. ‘You sit down and I’ll bring you a glass of wine. One will help you relax.’

‘OK,’ said Alice. She paused. ‘I’ll just freshen up.’

She and Basalt went through to the bedroom.

She opened the blinds and took a moment to look out at the view.

She couldn’t even see Polaris, and the building opposite blocked out Orion’s Belt, which would be low in the sky tonight.

She sat on the bed and Basalt jumped onto her lap, starting to make himself comfortable.

She looked longingly at her pyjamas, hanging on the back of a chair.

‘Not yet,’ she told him, pulling herself up again. ‘I have to eat dinner first.’

‘Are you sure I can’t do anything to help?’ asked Alice. She’d been sitting at the table for almost an hour and could barely keep her eyes open. She’d already finished her one glass of wine.

‘Not a thing,’ said Hugo, pounding a bunch of herbs with a knife in a way that was sending little green pieces of leaf all over the kitchen. ‘You’re in for a treat.’

‘I can’t wait,’ said Alice, reaching for the wine bottle.

Just a drop to keep her going till dinner.

Maybe a snack, too. She got up and grabbed a large bag of the expensive crisps they kept in the cupboard.

It was a struggle to open the thick foil, but she managed it, taking a few for herself and offering one to Basalt to lick.

They tasted strange, of herby chicken and mustard, and were so thick that they scratched her palate as she bit into them.

Basalt abandoned his on the floor, sneezed, and then batted it under the kitchen cupboard in disgust. Alice took another sip of wine to wash away the taste, then refilled her glass again.

She was just swishing the wine around, contemplating pouring some more, when her phone rang.

‘Your mum?’ asked Hugo. ‘Send her my love, but you’ve only got five minutes till dinner is served. She’ll understand.’

Alice looked at the phone. It was a Yorkshire number, but not her mother’s. She picked up and went into the bedroom, Basalt hot on her heels. ‘Hello?’