Page 98 of Saving the Rain
He’s got a strip of bacon pinched between two fingers, forgoing silverware completely like a heathen, and stalls with it midway to his mouth. Gaping back at me with something flickering across his eyes.
I pick my fork back up and keep my attention on him as I chew slowly.
Kayce sets the bacon back down and wipes his hands on a towel, swallowing hard. “Well... uhhh... you don’t have to stop, you know. Not because of me or anything. I’m used to being around the others when they’re having a few cold ones.” As he says the words, he starts squirming. My golden boy who has no idea the lengths I’d go to if it meant keeping him protected. And now, in this new connection between us, to support him in being happy.
Pushing off my stool, I’ve already finished my last mouthful as I cross the kitchen island. Walking around, I step into him.
With one hand, I brush a few strands of hair off his forehead. “If you think I would choose a drink over you, snowflake. Then you’re sorely mistaken.”
Those pink spots on his cheeks deepen, as he stares back at me. Then, a faint little smirk plays on his lips as he watches me get ready to go into town and do a pick-up run for supplies that both he and the ranch will need.
“Nevernotobsessed with me, huh?”
I can’t help the way a smile makes an appearance when I recall that mischief in his voice. The sight of him sipping his coffee and the glint of turquoise flickering back into his eyes, with those blond strands of his all ruffled after showering together.
He’s managed to retain a brightness to him that many people growing up in his circumstances would have lost—myself included. I mean, I don’t know if I ever had the humor and the personable nature he so effortlessly possesses. I’ve never known a time when I wasn’tthe quiet one. It just got bashed into me over and over that I needed to stay that way. So I guess, I never got the opportunity to find out whether I liked to crack a joke, or laugh from somewhere deep in my belly.
Being with Kayce? He shows me a different way of being.
Something brighter.
I’ve loaded everything and slide my ass behind the wheel when my phone starts buzzing. To be honest, being up at Devil’s Peak with no cell service has been a dream for someone like me.
What I’m expecting to see is Tessa or Beau’s contact. I’m anticipating them getting in touch about something urgently needed atwork, or to confirm what time I’ll be back tomorrow. However, when I glance at the screen, there’s no name.Unknown Number.
I decline the call straight away. While the chance is only slim to none, there’s every possibility it could be my father, and I’m not ever gonna take that risk.
While I’ve got my phone in hand, I quickly check to see if Kayce has messaged me, but there’s nothing new there. He’ll be out with the horses, and hopefully will have gone for a ride like I encouraged him to today. No doubt in my mind, I’d prefer to be there with him like yesterday, but knowing he can do it on his own will settle that inherent tinge of worry.
Especially since I won’t be there.
I fucking hate thinking about it. Not just that I won’t be at the ranch with him, but any thoughts of the future and how this is going to work between us. All that mind-chatter blasts me the second I give it a chance to rise to the surface.
As much as the sense of relief washes over me when I start the truck and begin making my way back to the Peak, I still don’t know how this is all going to work out. With Kayce unsure how to tell anyone, and in the longer term, there’s only a matter of time before Colt and Layla come back. It’s not like I can stay here indefinitely, and if he’s not willing to open up to others aboutus...then that leaves everything up in the air. We can’t stay secluded away on top of this mountain wrapped up in each other in secret.
How is life gonna look?
And more importantly, how will this delicate thing we have together learn to survive when it’s no longer hidden in the shadows?
Will it flourish, or wilt?
Chapter 40
In no world did I think I’d be picking up takeout from The Loaded Hog, carefully sidestepping conversations about why I’m walking out of here with enough food for a small army, and giddy at the prospect of a sleepover with my stepbrother.
The guy, I’ve come to realize, I want to wake up next to every morning.
The cowboy who owns my heart... even if I’m too shit scared to admit that to him, or anyone else.
Not one single part of me is ashamed, or worried about coming out. In fact, that feels like the least of my concerns within my group of friends. I’m so thankful I’ve got incredible people surrounding me. What absolutely petrifies me is the notion of opening up my fragile heart. There’s a very real risk that if I do finally dare to step out onto the wafer-thin ice—allowing Raine to get close enough—he could decide to abandon me.
A soul destroying moment, when the other shoe might drop, sending me plummeting into the deepest, darkest of waters.
Yeah, that word strikes a nerve most ruthlessly of all.Abandonment.
Jesus, even just sounding it out inside my head, as I juggle thecardboard box full of food out to my truck, makes a chill run down my spine.
I’m so fucking terrified he’s gonna leave me that it’s left me frozen as if I’m stuck in the middle of a white-out. My body goes rigid, and my veins turn to ice, and the grim reality is that I don’t know how to do any of this.