Page 104 of Saving the Rain
It’s overwhelming in a wonderful, unbelievable sort of way.
“You want extra cheese, or a normal amount that won’t clog your arteries?” He rummages in the fridge while the giant omelet for two starts sizzling. Goddamn, that buttery, caramelized smell is insanely mouthwatering. Ok, maybe he was right about the whole eating before driving back up the Peak situation. If it weren’t for this, what he’s making, I probably wouldn’t stop to eat anything until dinner time.
“Just make whatever you want.” I drag a hand through my hair and have to hide a mile-wide smile when he lets out a heavy sigh, secretly rolling his eyes in an adorable way. He promptly adds double the amount of cheese I know he would normally have if it were his own.
Raine flips the omelet and clears his throat. “Take a look at this.” He picks up his battered phone and swipes something open. When he slides it across the wooden table so that I can read what waits for me on-screen, it’s an email. “See what you think.” His voice is all rumbly and extra gravely with sleep, and I raise an eyebrow at him before he turns his back on me to plate up our eggs.
My focus flies back and forth across the few short lines of text. It might be early, I might still be feeling rough and barely half-awake, but what is written there—plain and simple and devastating at the same time—makes my heart lurch into the back of my throat.
“What do you reckon?” Raine hands me a plate. His expression is unreadable, as it so often is, and the only hint of anything I get is the way his eyes flicker briefly between the phone and my gaze.
I swallow the massive fucking lump that just appeared out of nowhere.
“This looks like a job,” I croak.
“It’s the ranch I used to work for.” He hovers, not sitting, not eating, and I’m feeling that flopping sensation in my belly. Not the good kind. “They’ve asked me to come back urgently.”
“I can see that.” My tongue feels numb. He was in Canadabefore coming here. God knows how far away in the back of beyond. That’s ranching for you.
“The pay is too good to turn down. Besides, Beau will be back any day, and I was only ever on a temporary contract here.”
I push eggs around my plate, now having zero appetite, even with how amazing this looks and smells. Because all I see when I look at that perfectly golden omelet is that I’m never going to have Raine making me breakfast again.
“What do you think?” He slides into a chair opposite mine, but I can’t look at him.
“It doesn’t matter what I think.”
He scoffs. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shake his head. “That’s bullcrap.”
“You need to do what’s best for you.” I run my palms up and down the thighs of my jeans.
Raine chews a mouthful thoughtfully, eyes boring into my skull the whole time. Meanwhile, I sit here feeling about two inches tall. Like all the wind has been let out of my sails. I’ve been left flattened and discarded by the side of the road.
“And what if that involves you, huh?” His voice has got just enough bite to it that I flick my eyes to meet his, and my pulse kicks up. “What if my first thought was to ask them if there were other positions available, because I want you there with me?”
Ringing intensifies in my ears. I feel more than a little light-headed.
“I—I can’t go anywhere. I gotta stay here. You know I can’t let my dad down.” I’m ransacking my brain, trying to find words that fit the feelings coursing through my veins. I don’t want him to go; that’s what my brain is screaming, but at the same time, that murky, dark recess of my mind shouts at me gleefully.Told you so.This is what was inevitable. He’s too good for me, and the truth was always going to come to light that he deserves better.
I’ve still got shit to make up for. I owe my dad, and I can’t hold Raine back.
Everything feels hot and prickly and I can’t believe this is happening.
The love of my fucking life studies me with his usual quiet steadfastness. “No. I don’t believe that’s the real reason.” He’s calm and assured when he speaks. Not giving me a single clue as to whether this feels as tumultuous for him as it does for me.
Flustered words tumble out of my mouth. “What do you want from me, Raine?”
“I want you to start thinking about your future. Your life. What is it thatyouwant?”
“Maybe I don’t know what I want.”
“How about you stop running for five minutes and think about it properly.”
Is his voice cold? My pulse is thudding so hard, I can’t tell for sure. But I swear to god he’s closing up, freezing me out, because that’s exactly what I deserve. He’s already written me off.
He would have every right to. Who wants to be with someone as messed up as me?
That hot and clammy and nauseous feeling sets up camp in my stomach as I struggle to find words. When I do, they’re clunky, awkward, not anything approaching what I actually want to say. But that’s what falls out, and I’m unable to bite them off or swallow them down. “Look, I can’t be the reason you get held back, ok? You don’t need to be responsible for me and how much of a mess I am.”