Page 107 of Saving the Rain

This fucking cowboy. Determined to fight me to the bitter end.

“Am I? Who am I supposed to be in love with then, huh?” I narrow my gaze, and my voice dips into a low warning. Like fuck I’m gonna fall for anyone else in this life.

Once again, my golden boy, with all the charm in the world, is speechless.

This time it’s the last. This time, when I kiss him, it’s the final one. It’s all too brief, and I wish everything could play out with a different melody. I swallow back the pained groan that threatens to rise up when I gently brush a goodbye over his wet lips.

When I step back, it feels like a clamp seizes my heart, putting so much pressure there my chest is going to damn well explode. “It’s you. I don’t know if you’ll ever trust that. But I guess I understand a little too easily why you wouldn’t. Those walls are hard to let down, which is why I also know how hard it is to hear me... to believe me, when I say that I love you.”

With my confession hanging in the crisp fall air, I turn on my heel. That’s all it’ll be. It’s all it can be for us until Kayce figures out how he intends to move forward.

As I open the door, I pause and level him with a look across the truck roof. “Maybe one day you’ll let me love you the way you deserve.”

Getting back into my truck, I start the engine and watch him through the rearview as I pull away.

I wish he didn’t let me leave.

Chapter 44

My days have a wretched, despondent emptiness to them, the likes of which I’ve never known before.

There were times when I would get wasted, blackout drunk, and avoid reality for weeks on end. Even then, it didn’t ache deep in my bones like this. Not having Raine in my life feels like the worst kind of hollowing out, a gaping cavity in my chest that used to be filled with the warmth of his presence.

Every morning when I look at my phone, when I check my messages, there’s a hopeful prayer lingering on my lips where he last pressed his against mine.

Please remember me. Please come back to me.

I re-read back over the messages I sent him in the days after he left. After I pretty much crumpled in on myself and felt like a ghost floating around the ranch, lost and drifting along aimlessly. It took everything to put it into words and tell him, because it felt all too little too late. If he hadn’t already blocked me, it felt like he’d take one look at what I was saying and laugh. Carelessly casting me aside after seeing me send a stupid little message. Why the hell would he care, when I should have been bold enough to say it to his face and out loud.

There are so many things I should have done differently.

I’ve thought about what you said every day.

I’m a better person because of you. Because you taught me how to fall in love.

I didn’t know how to tell you at the time, and I’ll regret that moment for a fucking lifetime. That day, I was an idiot and I froze, so here’s me saying it now.

I love you with everything I’ve got to give.

It’s selfish of me to expect you to ever come back, and that’s the kicker. Maybe I’ll just have to love you from afar.

Blowing out a shaky exhale, I swipe out of the message thread—a deserted place where he hasn’t read or replied to my words—and dial the number I’ve been putting off reaching out to this entire time. Someone I haven’t spoken to in what feels like forever, yet is undoubtedly who I need to have this important conversation with.

One person at a time.

The line is filled with static, as I sit in my truck with the hot air blasting and a coffee cradled in one hand, parked up on the side of the road in the dark.

I’ve driven down into Crimson Ridge under a carpet of stars and a moonless night, but it’s only as far as needed in order to reach cell phone coverage, then I’ll be hauling ass back up to the top of the mountain as soon as this shit is over and done with.

“Is everything ok?” My dad’s voice is gritty with sleep when he answers after half a dozen rings. “Are you alright?”

“Look, some of us are out here putting in a full day’s work, alright? And you’re still snoring.”

“Excuse me for nearly having a goddamn heart attack because you’re calling me out of the blue. What’s going on?”

I hear the line jostle, and mumbling in the background. My dad must cover the speaker, because I hear him rumble a quiet reply—something aboutgoing back to sleep.

“Sorry for waking Layla up.” I wince and take a sip of my coffee. Probably shouldn’t be having another cup this close to midnight, but I don’t sleep much these days anyway. I’d rather be alert driving backup the mountain road in the dark, especially considering the weather due to roll in.