Page 64 of Saving the Rain
But then, Raine’s movement catches my eye. He stands up and takes a last glance at the fire, giving it one of those familiar penetrating assessments. The kind that is oh so very good at stripping me down to my very bones whenever one of those looks lands my way.
I used to detest that look. Now, I feel like I’d do just about anything to be on the receiving end of it again.
He drags a forearm across his brow, then crosses the room to the small kitchenette. On the outside, his demeanor is impossible to interpret. Guarded body language I’ve always struggled to understand; he’sjust so damn wary at all times. While I’ve always had the inclination to make myself likable, and mold to any crowd I’m in, Raine has always been closed off.
Something about that, about knowing that he’s even invited me to step through that doorway—that he didn’t shove a shotgun between my teeth and order me to leave his doorstep—has me shifting my weight from foot to foot. It’s nothing to do with my busted leg, either. In fact, right now, I’m not even sure my brain registers my knee at all.
I’m snared in his silence. Waiting for the tiniest flicker of something to make its presence known. With heart pattering away inside my chest, I’m terrified of what he might be thinking.
“You want a soda or something?” Wrapping one fist around the handle of the small fridge, he grunts in my direction. With his other big paw, he threads fingers through his curls, dusting them back off his forehead in a way I feel like I’ve watched him do a thousand times, yet never truly appreciated what that movement does to his figure.
Reaching up with one arm puts his broadness on full display. A heady showcase of his back, the thickness of his torso, and the solidity of that bicep. All of him is perfectly highlighted as soft fabric cinches and folds to encase his body.
“Uhh. No. I’m ok.” Quickly averting my eyes, I drop them from the spot where his dark hair brushes against the collar of his shirt. Which is a mistake, because that only makes me stall at the sight of his ass, and so help me in my newfound identity, but my body flushes from head to toe.
This is so wrong. We’ve kissed, he’s made me blow my load all over myself twice now, and yet somehow, this feels like I’m stepping into even more dangerous territory. Because those other times were sudden, desperate moments. Rash decisions made while swept up by a compulsion neither of us could walk away from. And here, now, I’m seeking something entirely different from that.
Or maybe it’s what I’m here to search for, yet again.
He’s become my sun, and without him, I don’t know which way to turn. I’ve wilted even in the space of a single day without him nearby, and it’s frightening to acknowledge that I’m more strung out by this man than I dare admit.
Raine scrubs a hand over his jaw, then closes the fridge. Instead of pulling anything out to drink himself, he turns and leans his ass up against the counter next to the small sink.
“Your knee.” He folds his arms, glittering dark eyes boring into my soul.
He’s breathtaking, and I don’t know if this is a realization that has come about as a new piece of information, or I’ve known it all along and just shoved any of those feelings so far down I forgot they existed.
“Fucked.” My throat is tight.
Raine’s expression stays harsh, no secrets unwittingly revealed. That strong jaw remains tense, and his gaze drops to the knee in question before dragging up my body and fuck my entire life, I feel like I come alive. A trembling sort of terror takes hold at the prospect of having him look my way so openly.
“You can work? Ride?”
Dipping my chin, I stand there without a clue what to do with my hands. In fact, I don’t know what to do at all; maybe just melting into a puddle on these floorboards might be my best course of action.
“At the ranch, yes... but... rodeo is done for me.” It’s a struggle to get the last part out without succumbing to the thick layers of emotion that drag up the back of my throat, clinging onto those words.
The fireplace cracks and sparks as the weight of my confession lingers. I take in a deep breath through my nose, before letting it out. Fuck this. Fuck everything. I’m just so goddamn tired.
Rubbing a palm over my nape, I can’t face him anymore. My eyes fall to the side, feeling the shame flood in for coming here. For not being strong enough to handle this on my own when that’s what he would do. My stepbrother deals with everything in his life alone, without needing to go running to others for help.
As I try to wrangle the way my body is reacting to being here with him, amid the uncertainty of what my future is gonna be now that I can’t do the thing I’d been so goddamn heart-set on achieving, I feel him step in front of me.
Raine fills my vision, and tilts my chin up to look at him. When I follow that feather-light touch, I’m met with his deeply furrowed brow and angular cheekbones highlighted by the fire’s glow.
“You said you didn’t want to talk about it. That no one could know.” A muscle tics in his jaw. “And yet, here you are.”
Those words have an edge to them. Something dangerous, considering the state I’m in.
“I’m sorry.” My eyes bounce between his, searching for any clue as to what he’s thinking. “I just don’t even understand what is going on for me.” It comes out as hardly a whisper.
“Why are youhere, Kayce?”
I remain as quiet as a mouse, but surely he can hear my heart hammering away inside my chest now that he’s standing so close. There’s no possible way to respond to that. Or at least, not anything I should dare breathe life to.
“What I think is... there’s an answer to that question you don’t want to admit out loud.” Raine knows how to read me like a goddamn book, and I don’t understand the thrilling, weightless sensation that knowledge brings. He sees me, the worst parts of me, but it’s me all the same.
“Doesn’t it scare you?” I wet my lips, and that’s the moment we drop from altitude. It’s like my ears pop, and my stomach fills with fluttering wings.