Page 110 of Saving the Rain

So, I send Raine the photo. Something I’ve started doing lately, even though I’m pretty sure he’ll never check his Instagram—or worse, he’ll outright ignore my messages, as he has every right to do. Iadd a little text with it. Hoping against all fucking hope that maybe there will be a day when he appears back in my life again.

Snow’s here.

I wish you were, too.

With a sigh, I leave my phone plugged in at the kitchen counter, then gather up my mug. I’m gonna possibly need this entire coffee pot for this. As I make my way to the office, each step is punctuated by me quietly hyping myself up. Being my own one-man fucking marching band to get the words straight and my head in the right place.

I’m at peace with this decision. If anything, once I was able to open up to a professional—someone who had nothing to do with rodeo or Crimson Ridge, or any of my life here—it was easy to look at what I’d achieved with some perspective. There are a fuckload of people out there who will never get to ride a bronc, let alone compete, and I’ve been a lucky enough son of a bitch to do both.

Hell, I can still spend the rest of my days on horseback if I want to.

I’ll take that as a fucking win.

Settling into the rickety chair my dad keeps in here, it squeaks and protests when I sink down. I pick up the handset for the radio and flick onto the right channel before speaking.

“Hayes Ranch, come in. What’s your twenty?”

The line crackles and pops while I take a sip from my mug and wait.

“Go ahead. Wes, here.” The familiar deep voice of one of Chaos’ older brothers, Westin Hayes, comes through.

“Eyes on Chaos?”

There’s a pause. “Kayce. Good to hear from you, man. You good?”

“Toasty warm up here on Devil’s Peak. You know how it goes.”

“I’ll check his status. Stand by.” I smile to myself. Wes is about as grouchy as my dad. The two of them are more similar than they’d ever admit, except in this case, the second oldest of the Hayes brothers has taken over running their family ranch. He’s not that much younger than the eldest, but Cam has been Sheriff for years now. So, the mantleto take charge of their family property fell on Wes’ shoulders, with help from the others.

“Shit-for-brains is out covering the south pasture. Hit him on channel forty-two.”

“Copy.” I flick the receiver over and ping Chaos.

“Fuck face,” he answers, voice slightly distorted by the crackle of the radio.

“Miss me?”

“Heartbroken. Tormented. Every day is a tragedy without you in my life, Wilder.”

“As it should be.” I let go of the handset button for a moment and gather my thoughts. It’s not ideal doing this via radio, but it’s not like I can pick up the phone and call him.

“What’s up? Cam’s the one doing welfare checks on your ass, so I know this isn’t about the roads or shit like that.”

“You sittin’ down?” I grumble, before taking a deep breath. “I’m not coming back to rodeo after winter. Or ever, actually. My knee is too fucked up. Also... in some more recent developments, that I don’t know how to explain without just going ahead and saying it... I’m gay.”

The words rush out before I let the static hang in the air, filling the tiny office with the anticipation of his reaction. I’m not worried as such, but I kinda hate that it’s taken me this long to tell him.

In my fist, the radio unit hums and whines before bursting back into life.

“Say again? Did we just transport to dueling banjos territory? Dueling dicks? Where the fuck you been hiding this juicy detail, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, turns out, I’m into guys now.” I’m laughing to myself, wishing I could see his face. “And apparently my gay compass has been broken since day one... because I kinda only want Raine.” As his name passes my lips, I wince. It hasn’t gotten any easier to say it. Even after telling Brad and Flinn, Sage, my dad—no matter how many times I tell the people who mean everything to me, it still stings that I can’t tellhim.

The line stays quiet, and I suddenly feel like I need to add on the next part hastily.

“It’s not as if I’m out here secretly obsessed withyouor anything. You don’t have to worry about that.”

There’s another long goddamn pause before Chaos’ voice echoes over the radio. “You aren’t? I’m kinda disappointed. This is me pouting.”