Page 105 of Saving the Rain
“Kayce . . .” He sighs heavily.
“No. I think you should take the job. You should go.” I’m on my feet and moving toward the door with my keys and my phone and needing to escape right fucking now. “They’re giving you a great opportunity. I think you should take the chance to do this, and do what’s best for you.”
His shadow looms large at my back as I shove into my coat and boots.
“And where does that leave you? What’s best for you?”
“I’m ok here. I’ll be fine.”Lies. All lies.
Raine inserts himself between me and the door, arms folded as he studies my spectacular meltdown in real-time. Yeah, I’m such a fucking loser, and this is the precise moment he’ll see all that. He’ll realize that by leaving Crimson Ridge, he’s dodged a bullet.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” The way his voice dips into that low hint of warning makes my pulse race. “Quit dancing around the thing you wanna say, and just say it.”
“Don’t you see? This is how I break things.” I spread my hands wide, gesturing around the room and then between the two of us. “I take something good, and I fuck it up every single time... so... so... I think you’re better off without me.”
A noise like a warning comes out of him. “That’s not your choice to make. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me.”
“Maybe not, but maybe I can decide for both of us.” Jesus, the acid burning the back of my throat is impossible to swallow down, and I want to sprint away, hide, throw myself off the cliff edge that I’m racing blindly toward just so I can plummet into freefall and not feel a goddamn thing.
“I know what you’re doing,” he says quietly.
“Well, that’s wonderful.”
Raine steps into me. And I hate this. I hate that I’ll never again get the side of him, the man who cares and heals the parts that have remained wounded for so long. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve ruined everything and managed to destroy the only bright spot in my life.
I’ve fallen in love and successfully made him hate me, all in one fell swoop.
“Go on then.” His brows furrow together. “Push me away, snowflake. Make sure to really light the match and set it all on fire. All because you don’t believe you deserve anything, when you actuallydo.”
“Raine... don’t...” I can’t stand here any longer with him looking at me like that. Giving me those beautiful, dark eyes that pierce me like a hundred arrows with just one glance. I’m too weak. I’m too pathetic. “You deserve so much better.” When I finally get something out, it’s a feeble effort, and I see his lip curl.
“It’s ok. I’m hearing you loud and clear with yourmaybe we should just end thisbullshit routine.”
“It’s probably for the best... I’m messed up, and you don’t need to be dragged into my crap. Look at last night. I came in here with all myshit... ruined your evening... dragged hell after me once again. You keep on having to take care of the mess I cause. But I won’t do that to you anymore. There’s no way I could live with myself constantly being this fragile goddamn thing exploding like a bomb all over your life.” The words keep on coming, pouring out of me, and I just want to shove them all back down. Somehow swallow them, hide them away, and rewind time to a few minutes ago when I hadn’t detonated the charge right in the middle of everything.
“I’m nothing but bad news.” Stepping around his bulk, I can’t look him in the eye. There’s no way I’m strong enough to endure what I might find there. Knowing he can’t stand me is one thing, but seeing it in his gorgeous features—witnessing that deadened look as he takes in the sight of my pathetic state—leaves me crumbling to pieces.
My focus stays lowered as I reach for the door handle. This is for the best. I’m doing us both a favor. I’m helping him more than anything by telling him to take the job, to move on with his life. He’ll realize that. He’ll thank me.
“I’m the fuck up you don’t need to worry about anymore, Raine. You and I both know you’ll be far better off without me weighing you down.”
Chapter 43
Slamming the truck door behind me, it closes with such ferocity there’s every chance the damn thing might buckle inside the metal frame.
I know he’ll be with the horses.
My strides are long and determined as I round the hood and step into the barn. Large iron letters spellingDPRset against cedar planks loom overhead.
Sure enough, Kayce comes into my line of sight immediately, barely two paces inside the entrance. He’s carrying a shovel, wearing his usual faded hoodie with the hole in the bottom hem, cap pulled down over his blond hair, boots looking as if they’re going to fall apart any day now.
“No one else is ever going to treat you the way I do, and you know it.” I bark at him as my steps chew up the short distance between us.
Kayce’s big blues grow wide as his head whips around to see me advancing on him.
“W—what?” he stammers. Eyes bouncing all over me, taking in the sight of my clenched jaw and shoulders stiff with tension. The whole way here, I was trying to figure out what the hell to say to him. How to handle such a violent tempest of emotion, the likes of which I’ve never experienced before. I’m crawling out of my skin, angry athim, our circumstances, our pasts that have broken him so badly that he can’t see a good thing when it’s shoved right under his nose.
“Fuck you, Kayce.” I stop short of reaching out for him. I can’t bring myself to touch him, even though that’s all I really want to do right now. But there’s not enough time for that. I’ve barely got enough time to make a detour all the way up this godforsaken mountain. “What are you playing at? You don’t talk to me for nearly a week? Wanna be with someone else, or what?” Folding my arms across my chest, I feel my nostrils flare as I give him both barrels.