Page 93 of Saving the Rain
Chapter 37
“You’re gonna give me a complex staring at me like that.” Kayce grins and rolls his eyes at me. “I mean... I know you’re obsessed and all...”
Shaking my head, I keep swiping the brush over Ollie, who I’m almost certain has gone to sleep on me mid-grooming. If a horse could start snoring on demand, this one would achieve that feat at any time of day.
“I looked into options for your knee.” I try to keep my voice as even as possible. Knowing full well that it’s a topic Kayce still hesitates to talk about, having more or less accepted there’s nothing more to be done. While that might be the headspace he’s in, I hate that there isn’t something tangible to still explore.
“Oh.” He concentrates on the bucket he’s filling up real goddamn hard. “You don’t have to do that, you know.” One shoulder lifts and that spark that was in his tone from a second ago deflates like a flat tire.
“I know I don’t. But that’s for me to decide, and I want to help if I can. It might not be anything, but there are specialists out there to talk with.”
He stays quiet, and the only sounds come from horses munching hay and the trickle of water running into the bucket.
“Thank you.” I can already hear thebutthat will be coming. “There are still a few things I gotta get my head around with it. Doesn’t change the fact that I won't compete in rodeo again, no matter what I do.”
“It hasn’t been too painful?” Kayce is pushing himself hard around the ranch. Preparing for winter and all that entails. He thinks I don’t see the occasional wince, or way he absently rubs it while he’s sitting on the couch at night scrolling on his phone.
“Nah, it’s feeling strong.”
“Those exercises are helping?”
He nods and shoots me a sly grin.
“Youaredoing them, aren’t you?”
Kayce signs a crisscross over his heart and then gives me a wink. Little shit. That isn’t exactly an answer, but I’m not gonna push him either as he turns and walks off in the direction of the tack room.
I’ve been up here at Devil’s Peak Ranch with him for the past few days. Ever since Halloween, after our night together, it’s been hard to let him up and leave. While Kayce slept tucked against my chest, I lay awake listening to his soft breathing and realized there would only be a matter of hours before our lives would be back to the cold reality—dropping him off to his truck before dawn, to the day-in and day-out of taking care of cattle and horses and all his other commitments up here while Colt is away.
While I fundamentally hate the concept of calling in a favor and felt like shit for sort of lying about the reason I needed a few days off, Storm and Briar are covering for me at Sunset Skies. Of course, Beau had already been nagging me non-stop about taking a break, so he pretty much fussed over me like a proud mother duck when I called to let him know what was happening.
“Take all the time you need.”
God, but if it doesn’t just feel so damn right to be here, and that goes some way to assuaging my initial reluctance. It’s given me and Kayce a chance to just be together in a way that has an ease to it. The sort of daily flow that isn’t rushed or secretive or fraught with impending knowledge that one of us has to go.
Getting to actually wake up together that first morning,when I could turn my head and see his disheveled blond hair on the pillow next to mine, with his thick lashes settled over those perfect cheekbones, almost felt like I was still dreaming. So much so that I had to tug him in close, just to feel his warmth and inhale a long drag of his scent; to let myself believe that he was truly there.Not two seconds from running away.
We’ve been able to cook meals and watch movies and just... I don’t even know what you’d call it, but it’s about as close to being in a relationship as I’ve ever been. There hasn’t been anyone I’ve ever felt called to spend this much time with, and I still catch myself occasionally in awe that it’s Kayce. That he’s the one I’m doing something as simple as pouring a cup of coffee for, so that he can take it out to the barn with him.
Storm and Briar are looking after things under the vague premise that I needed to help Kayce out with some jobs up here on Devil’s Peak. Not exactly a lie, but not the whole truth about why I’m here by any stretch of the imagination. As for when he might get around to telling anyone or letting himself fully open up to his friends, his dad—I’m not pressuring him to do anything right now.
Would it be preferable if we didn’t have to act like there was something wrong or shameful about the two of us getting together? Sure. But I know, even to the most liberal-minded of people, the fact they’ve only ever been introduced to us as stepbrothers, it would be a hell of a thing to turn around five minutes later and hit them with the double-whammy surprise that Kayce prefers men. And to add to that, well, apparently, I preferhimto anyone else on this planet. Yeah, it makes my head spin off its axis... so, I can’t imagine it would be simple to lay out on the table for anyone else to understand.
Occasionally, I catch Kayce with that look in his eye, the one that tells me he’s thinking hard about what that moment might be like. Even though he told me that Brad already knows the tiniest fraction of detail, about discovering himself sexually, that’s a long, long way from the rest of the chips that have fallen into place over recent weeks.
As I watch him walk toward me, I can’t help but slide my attention down to the length of his stride. It’s become something of a habit, to watch for any subtle hint he might be favoring his leg in some way.Trying my hardest to discern if the golden boy I’m finding myself so consumed by, with all his jokes and playfulness, is suffering underneath that facade he puts on so well.
“My eyes are up here, you know.” Kayce snaps his fingers at me and lets out a low chuckle. “Keep looking at my junk like that, and I’ll start to suspect you’re only after my body.”
He leans a shoulder against the wall and coos away to Ollie. She flicks her ears and gives her tail a swish in ahelloto the person she reserves hearts in her eyes for. Kayce really is so in tune with all these horses, and I can’t help but feel my chest swell with a whole lot of pride whenever I see him at work out here.
The kid might have a mom determined to shit all over his life, but he’s managed to keep his heart... that’s what these animals know. They can pick up on the faintest of subtleties.
A horse is a better judge of character than damn near any other creature I’ve come across.
“I know you’re secretly planning away over there.” His blue eyes crease just a little at the corners when he watches me from beneath the peak of his cap. “Guessing you’ve looked at the options for a specialist in meniscus surgery?”
I dip my chin. “And I take it you’ve been up late at night doing enough online research to last a lifetime.”