Page 84 of Saving the Rain
Something flickers across his face for a brief second, but then his lips curve into a grin, followed by a shake of his head. “Promise. I’ll make a trip to town.”
With a jerk of my chin, I let him know I’m starting to walk to my truck, not exactly sure if he’s gonna follow, but it makes something glow a little warmer in my chest when he falls in step with me.
“So... I’ll see you at the thing Hayes is putting on?” I venture as we cross the gravel yard. While I don’t know if he has thought about the fact we’re still going to be running in the same circles, it feels like I gotta rip the bandage off. No sense in pretending we won’t be seeing each other in public, where I can’t exactly pin him to the wall and nibble on his ear until he starts squirming.
“The Halloween party at the Hog?” Kayce laughs, and he’s still got a dreamy kind of grin on his face when he pauses and watches me walk around the other side to the driver’s door. “Please tell me you’re gonna dress up. Do they make delicate little fairy wings and a tiara to fit someone your size?”
I let my tongue run over my lower lip and study him from across the roof of the truck. “My size, huh?”
Kayce’s blush deepens.
Waving his hand in my direction, those long lashes of his flutter and he shakes his head before tucking both hands into the front of his hoodie. “God, you are too smug for this time of the day. I don’t even need to know what time it is to know I haven’t had nearly enough coffee to deal with you being cocky.”
As I open the door, I watch him dig the toe of his boot into the gravel, then dart a hasty look up to meet my eyes.
“Thank you for coming up here.” His shoulders slump a little, and I know he’s dropping back into that uncomfortable place—the one where talking about events and the Hog means that we’ve suddenly collided with the reality of the outside world. “Even though I know...”
It sure as shit looks like he’s backpedaling now on all those sentiments about enjoying howgoodit feels to be together.
“We don’t have to call this anything, Kayce,” I say. Keeping my focus narrowed on him.
Kayce gnaws on his bottom lip. “I think the only thing we can call this iscomplicated.”
“You sure got that right.”
“Raine—when we’re down at the Hog?—”
My brows knit together. Yep, there it is. Kayce once again realizing he’s in limbo where opening up about his sexuality is concerned. There’s nothing I can do; it’s gotta be his journey. “Don’t worry. It’s fine. I’ll keep my distance. You don’t have to stress out about any of your precious rodeo friends finding out anything.” Yeah, that probably comes out with more snarl to it than I intended, but I never promised I was good attalking.
“Wait... you’re upset with me.” Big blue orbs stare my way.
A heavy sigh leaves my chest. I should have known that he’d freak out before I’d even left the ranch. “I’m really not. But I have to go. And I don’t need to be caught in the middle of some dick-induced crisis you’ve got going on.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then what, Kayce?”
His Adam’s apple dips. “I just... I don’t know if I’m ready to tell anyone aboutanything. I haven’t even properly told Chaos, or Brad, or even my dad about my knee. What am I gonna do, drop a bombshell that I’m finished with competitive rodeo, and then tack on the end that I’m gay?”
“Well, I’ll make it real easy for you,” I grumble.
“Raine... please, it’s not that I’m embarrassed or anything.”
“Sure seems like you might be.” I raise an eyebrow at him.
Kayce is already on the move, crossing to my side of the truck. “Look... can you just put yourself in my shoes for a moment? I’m trying to get my head around a lot of really big fucking changes right now.” There’s the faintest hint of a tremor in his voice, and I hate that for him. I hate how similar we are in that regard. We’ve both been fucked up from day one when it comes to learning how to trust others.
Tilting my head to one side, I reach out and cup his jaw. Liftinghis focus to meet my own, I give a little shake of my head. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
He goes completely still. Lips parted.
“Don’t act like that’s the weirdest thing to ever come out of my mouth.” It’s a rough grunt I offer, doing my best.
“You just apologized. Just like that.”
“Yeah, and?”
“You never...” From how shell-shocked he looks, it certainly puts into perspective how long we’ve been out of each other’s lives. He doesn’t know the version of me who has had a chance to do a little bit of healing. There are still a lot of scars there. I’m still the world’s worst person at knowing how to put crap into words... but I’m better now than I used to be.