Page 65 of Remiss

“Wait! Aunt Meggie, wait. Please. Suppose I arrange a visit with you and Rule?”

“Of course, because I can’t do anything without permission, right, son?”

“No, I didn’t mean that!”

“Save it. I’m not interested in your help. If you want to talk to Axel, that’s fine. Donotgive away our location. Or else.”

The silence following Mom’s abrupt hanging up unnerved CJ and was as bad as his self-pity, fear that he might never seeher again, and anger that she’d left. Hearing Axel tear CJ apart left him even more angry and sad. One thing his little brother was right about was CJ’s need to respect everyone. On the other hand, when he was a kid, he’d been hell on wheels, too. Axel might change his perspective once he matured.

Dad walked woodenly to the nearest chair and dropped into it, his mouth tight and his face drawn. The dark circles around his eyes indicated how little rest he’d had in the hours since they discovered Mom’s departure.

“Ax is right,” Ryder said quietly, still standing near the bar and staring at Diesel’s phone. “We can’t go to the club as much.” He swung his gaze to Dad. “Right?”

“You can’t fuckin’ come unless your ma give permission,” Dad said, pain woven into each word he pushed out. Leaning forward, he dropped his head into his hands. “She had you lil’ motherfuckers on a schedule.”

“We don’t even need beer,” Ransom decided. “Not if it means Mom stays.”

“I can’t fuckin’ believe Megan left me,” Dad said tiredly, and his voice cracked.

“She’ll come back, Uncle Christopher,” Ryan said, reminding CJ of his presence. “Or if you want to go to California, I’m sure you already know where she’s at.”

“I can’t,” Dad whispered, and raised his watery green gaze, glancing between them before finally settling on Diesel. “Your ma ain’t in a forgivin’ mood. If I fuckin’ ride to Cali, she gonna know you gave up her location.”

Bleakness settled into Diesel’s expression and his shoulders slumped. “Go, Uncle Christopher,” he said softly. “I broke Axel’s confidence, too. I…” He paused and shrugged. “Go. I’ll live with the consequences of my actions.”

Dad thought for a moment, then shook his head. “She need time to figure shit out. I pushed her to this and I ain’t goingto win no fuckin’ points with her by crowdin’ her.” His nose reddened and he blinked. “Megan love me. She comin’ back.”

“As Hell Goddess or Sweet Angel?” Ransom asked.

“She could be motherfuckin’ Satan and I ain’t givin’ a good fuck.” Dad scrubbed a hand over his face. “If she want me to kiss her fuckin’ feet every fuckin’ day, I will. If she want me to kill Johnnie, Cash, Digger, a priest, a nun, and a doctor, I will.WhateverMegan want when she come back, it’s hers. If she want me to blind myfuckinself so I ain’t everseein’another bitch, I’ll pluck my fuckin’ eyes out.”

It might’ve been funny if Dad wasn’t dead ass serious.

“What about another Jo?” Ryder questioned. “I m-mean a new baby?”

Dad covered his face. “If she want ten more lil motherfuckers, Ima put ten more in her. I just…she can’t have the fuckin’ surgery right now while she’s so fuckin’ upset. She might regret that and then start hatin’ on me all over again.”

“Maybe you should talk to Aunt Jordan?” CJ suggested, finally finding his voice. “Explain the situation. Apologize to her and ask her to talk to Mom.”

“We were all so unfair to her, Dad.” Ransom sniffled. “And now she’s gone. She came to check on me Wednesday night because of my nightmares and I told her that Dad had already come in. She looked so sad, but I didn’t say nothing because I thought she knew we were on her side.”

Shame crossed Dad’s face. “Ain’t no sides, son. And I’m so fuckin’ sorry I made it seem that way. I shut your ma out and we all payin’ the fuckin’ price.”

Ryan cleared his throat and shifted from foot to foot. “Do you think we can call Axel back and see if he’d bring the phone to my mom? The house isn’t the same without her and Harley.”

“I’ll tell Ax to call you, Ryan,” Diesel promised. “He probably won’t let you talk to Aunt Zoann but you can ask him about her.”

“Thanks. I-I’d like that.” He looked at Dad. “What do you want me to do with the coordinates? Tell Pops or anyone?”

“No, boy,” Dad responded. “Keep it to yourself for now.”

“Okay,” Ryan croaked, then started out the door. He halted and turned. “Can I say hi to Kaia?”

Bishop stood. “I’ll show you his room.”

Once Ryan and Bishop departed, CJ took a seat across from Dad and leaned his head back, starving and exhausted. A dull ache plagued his temples, bearable if Mom was there, fussing over him.

Something she hadn’t done since before she gave birth to Jo.