Page 61 of Remiss

“Ax, I have a question for you,” Diesel asked, suddenly on the verge of tears at the seriousness of the situation. The torment on Uncle Christopher’s face, the unease on CJ and Bishop’s, and the fear in Ryder and Ransom’s eyes put pressure on him to say the right thing. One wrong move would send everything to fucking hell. “Does Aunt Meggie hate us?”

“Mom don’t hate nobody,” Axel said with indignation. “Her feelings are hurt. None of us even told her about Rule. Or the fire at the rectory. We didn’t take up for her when Dad threatened to give away Gunner and Jo.”

“I beg to differ.”

“You can beganddiffer all you want, Diesel,” Axel said impatiently. “It’s the truth. We was all mean to her, but especially Dad. Do youreallythink a woman willing to fuck up her own son to save her daughter is gonna take that? Fools, I say! Fools! And what about CJ? Mom let Dad take us a lot even when she wanted us. Now, she only wants us in school. We don’t even got to make a ‘C’. A ‘D’ will do, although CJ can’t make that to stay on the team. He has to do better. And Mom loves that school shit. Volunteering. Fundraising. Watching C.’s games. Reb, Mattie, and Harley joined the cheer squad for that motherfucker and he betrayed them all.”

Shame and anger darkened CJ’s face.

“That’s not fair, Ax,” Diesel said, compelled to defend his little brother, who was suffering more than anyone imagined.

“It’s exactly fair.You’rethe hardheadedest motherfucker alive and even you knew to graduate ‘cause you can’t join the fucking club if you’re not eighteen. CJ is fucking everything up for him and Mom and Dad.

Diesel scrubbed a hand over his jaw, while Uncle Christopher walked to CJ and clasped his shoulder. “You’re being so fucking harsh on our brother.”

“I’m not being harsh enough on you, Dad,orCJ. Where are we and where are you? Mom’s trying to be happy, but I hear her crying when she don’t think nobody’s listening. Mom gave us to Dad because she knows we want to be like him. She didn’t give us to him so we could forget about her. And she definitely didn’t do it so CJ could drop out of schoolandsay a fucking Donovan could lead the club.”

“Aunt Meggie told you that?”

“Fuck no! I spied on Rebel and Mattie talking. They are both really upset. Rory’s Mattie’s brother andshedon’t want him leading the club. Imagine howMomfeels.”

“You don’t understand, Ax–”

“No, motherfucker,youdon’t understand. Let metryto explain it this way. If Dad keeps saying he needs Mom to help him be the right president, why doesCJthinkhedoesn’t need her to be the right prospect, dickface?”

They all snapped their brows together, and both Uncle Christopher and CJ straightened, some of his anger drifting away.

“Dad always says without Mom he’s nothing. Context clues tells me that means he wouldn’t be a good man, a good dad, a good husband,ora good biker. So, motherfucker,youtellmewhy CJ and Dad treated Mom the way they did and didn’t expect her to get fucking mad?”

“Valid argument,” Diesel said quietly, his misery returning as Axel’s words finally sank in.

“AndMom’s stopping her babies when I heard her tell Lolly that she wanted one more but sinceDad–” An insane amount of derision laced that word– “said she isn’t a good Mom, she’s doing a surgery. Those are operations andtheyare dangerous. Mom’s a girl and girls cry a lot and she’s been crying a lot ‘cause she got Jo out of her in a bad way and that’s the memory she will live with ‘cause Dad screamed at her and CJ called her selfish whenthosetwo motherfuckers are selfisher than she could ever be. Always wanting stuff from Mom and never giving her anything back.”

Diesel couldn’t take much more of Axel’s riot act. He looked at Ryan, hoping he’d gotten whatever he needed to pinpoint a location.

Ryan held up three fingers that Diesel counted as minutes.

He sighed. “Axel, why the fuck are you so mad when you’re there with her and we’re here in no-man’s land?”

“You should be lost in the fucking desert,” he grouched. “I miss my men. I want my special blanket and pillow. My slingshot.Instead, Winnie’s clinging to me and those bitch ass babies tipped that fucking bowl of flour over. Maybe if I could lock them in the bunk room and lose the fucking key, my job would be easier. But a man don’t have music or porn or his men. He got to watch his mama cry and his sister mope and his cousin’s woman walk around a fucking pool like she’s a nun, covered from head to fucking toe. It wears on a motherfucker.”

Diesel pursed his lips, unpacking each of Axel’s statements. “Is Harley with you?”

“If Aunt Zoann and Lolly are here, what do you think?”

Interesting. “Where’s Bailey?”

“I don’t know, Diesel. And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”

He glanced at Uncle Christopher, whose eyes were narrowed.

Diesel shifted. He glanced at the slips of paper but couldn’t bring himself to read another heartbroken question. He thought of one of his own. “So, uh, are you having fun with Mark JB, Lou, Kaleb, and the other boys?”

“What did I tell you?I’mthe only man here. Haven’t you been listening?”

“Avidly.” He was trying to piece it all together. “And Harley is covered up around the pool?”

“I think it’s ‘cause of Nardo, but I didn’t say anything. Nardo’s a motherfucker. He’s probably beating her up. I can’t prove it, so my first bomb is still for Uncle Cash.”