Page 214 of Remiss

“So, I can’t kill Johnnie? I was only gonna use five fuckin’ guns on him.”

Gross. “Umkay.” She shook her head. “Kendall, remember?”

“Rule at a psycho camp. I can send her back to one, too.”

“Oh my god, Christopher,” Meggie said, groaning. She plopped her head against the pillow, happy he’d moved his arm. She’d address that later. “Never mind. I want to talk to you about Outlaw versus Christopher.”

His look turned wary. “What about them? Fuck, my ass?”

“If Outlaw talks a certain way, then let him shine through, Christopher. If you need to skirt between the two versions of yourself, do that, too. I love your improper speech as much as I love the correct version of you. Do what you need to do to survive and to get control of your club.”

“You just fuckin’ said I ain’t able to kill motherfuckers. That’s the quickest fuckin’ way to get control of the club.”

“That’s the quickest way for you to have a club without members if you kill everyone.”

“Ain’t plannin’ on killin’ Mort, Val, or Stretch,” he grouched. “Neither Knox.”

“Eyes toward the future. Remember. And you can’t kill Diesel either.”

“That motherfucker set CJ up.”

“Let me deal with him.”

“You sure I can’t at least shoot the fuck out of him?”

Where? She almost asked, but didn’t want to give Christopher any ideas, even if she felt like shooting that idiot herself. “Let me talk to him. At least CJ won the stupid fight.”

“You know CJ need you as much as me? As much as all the boys.”

“I’m aware, and I’m here for him, Christopher. He just has to accept that I’m not a wilting flower or a brainless idiot. It also has to be his decision.”

“I fucked up with the boys, too, Megan.”

“And I’ve already forgiven you for that. I forgave you for almost everything and hoped you told me about Rule. I never would’ve left if you had.”

“I know, baby. I ain’t ever makin’ that mistake afuckingain. I can’t fuckin’ believe how much my ass underestimated what a pain-in-the-ass-lil’-motherfucker you are that put every bit of fuckin’ gray in my goddamn hair.”

She laughed and looked pointedly at his bald sides, where most of the silver had grown.

“When I had motherfuckin’ hair there.”

“Axel did a number on you.”

“Roxy did, too.”

She nodded.

“CJ goin’ to school again. He gonna get back on track now.”

“Because you still don’t want him to join the club anymore,” she guessed.

“He ain’t cut out. Axel better suited to the life.”

Meggie wouldn’t deny that. It seemed as if Axel had been born with that Caldwell gene—a killer. For the time being, she’d insist he stay in school and not make the same mistakes with him that she’d made with CJ. “Christopher, let CJ take his time with everything. Talk to him. Tell him he’s free to go to school and come to the club. See how he responds to that. It might ease him and allow him to see clearer.”

Christopher shook his head. “What if he decide he want to drop out? I can’t risk that and disappoint you.”

“I’ve been unfair too,” she said. “I wanted him to graduate high school because I didn’t. When Patricia tried to talk me into finishing up and getting my diploma, I wouldn’t have it. If CJ wants to drop out of high school and hang around you every day, then I will support him. We’re pulling him in all directions. He needs understanding and stability. From meandyou. Donotpenalize him if he wants to stay in school and donotpressure him to choose. We need to talk to him and see whathewants, then stand by him and guide him wherever he needs to go.”