Page 164 of Remiss

“I do,” she said around a little sob.

“Don’t be mean to Jana,” Meggie advised. “She seems like a really nice girl.” She cocked her head to the side. “And you have Kaia that you’d like to get to know.”

“I’m so confused,” she said hoarsely.

“You’re young, love. You will find the right man. The perfect man for you.”

“I like Kaia,” she confessed. “I just…Diesel has always been my dream.”

Keeping her opinion to herself about Diesel beinganyone’sdream, Meggie nodded.

“I guess you don’t understand,” Rebel said, sighing and tipping her head back. “You saw Daddy and never thought about anyone else. Never wanted anyone else. I don’t know how to make you understand how happy I am that Kaia and I are going steady but how crushed I am over Diesel.”

Meggie curled up on the chair. “Suppose I told you there was another man?”

“Uncle Johnnie doesn’t count,” Rebel scoffed. “We all know you’d never stoop to maggot level.”

“Johnnie wasn’t always a giant jerk.”

“Nope. Just a massive motherfucker.”

“Your uncle once held a very special place in my heart. It complicated matters so much.”

“It still isn’t the same. Daddy was always there, wanting you. Protecting you.Younever looked at anyone else but Daddy. He’s all you ever wanted, so you can’t identify how I, or any girl torn like I am, feels. Johnnie Donovan never had a chance.”

It saddened Meggie that Rebel still didn’t see her as a woman with her own thoughts and opinions, one who could understand how it felt to care about two men. Meggie had spent her life as Christopher’s wife and their children’s mom, a completely different sentiment than if they saw her asawife andamom, a person with her own agency. Conflicting feelings—understanding and annoyance—swirled in her. She couldn’t fault Rebel—or CJ—for how they saw her. Recent developments hardened her and honed this new version of herself. In time, her children would open their eyes and see her as a fighter. A survivor.

“Can I ask you something, Momma?”

Meggie lifted her head and nodded. “Anything, sweetheart.”

“Why do you stay? You’re beautiful.” Rebel held her hands a few inches apart. “Tiny. Wealthy without Daddy. You could be a baller’s wife. A politician’s wife. You could turn your back on all the women and the danger, yet you stay. Is it really love or is it familiarity?”

“I love your father. Never doubt that. I have always loved him and I will always love him.” Meggie cocked her head to the side. “Do you know the night I met him, I didn’t think I’d ever seen a more beautiful man? And the first time I heard a real laugh from him, it touched my soul. I was put on this earth to love Christopher.”

“But you left him.”

Folding her arms, Meggie nodded. “I wasn’t put here to be abused by him, Rebel. I could love him from afar but love him I would.”

“Do you regret having us? So…so many of us?”

“Never, darling.” Meggie sat up, slid to the floor, and kneed her way to Rebel’s side. “I’ve made so many mistakes as a mom, and I’m so sorry, but never think I regret you, your sister or any of your brothers. I love you all dearly,” she said fiercely. “I would die for you and I’d kill for you.”

“Okay,” Rebel whispered. She thought for a moment, then said, “If Rule won’t see us, will we come back if he ever does?”

Meggie slipped her fingers through Rebel’s hair and smiled gently. “If he won’t see us tomorrow, the moment he asks for us,we’re on the next plane. As hurt as we are, this isn’t about us, sweetheart. It’s about Rule.”

Rebel swallowed and her nose reddened. “Okay,” she whispered.

Getting to her feet, Meggie nodded to the phone that connected to their dedicated staff. “I’m going to order our food.”

“Okay. I want the steak with French fries.”

“Coming up, love.”

“Momma?”

Meggie halted.