Page 174 of Remiss

It was the first time Rule had ever seen the priest so subdued.

Maybe miracleswerereal, after all.

Everything felt uneven. Minutes were like hours and hours felt like days. After CJ turned away from his mother, he’d noted all the different things crammed into a day. Now that she was gone, he counted every second, waiting for her return.

But his days were even more endless. Especially with Axel back home. CJ had never taken himself as the jealous type. He’d always been secure in his place in his parents’ lives. They’d had so many children, he’d almost had no choice. Mom was alwaysthere, though, no matter what.

He'd always been there for her, too. No matter what. Protecting her. At one time, the terror Axel rained on Dad would’ve been CJ’s idea, his doing. Right around the time he turned ten or eleven, Mom and Dad began laying down the law, setting the rules. Respect adults. Take care of your younger siblings. Get good grades. Protect Mom. The list seemed fucking endless with little room for interpretation.

Since his overdose, though, he’d lost himself. His confidence. His sense of safety. Accepting Molly’s death was another blow. He couldn’t seem to get out of his head or his misery. Compounded by Rule’s breakdown and Rebel’s near drowning, Mom leaving was the shit topper on a sludge cake.

“Mr. Caldwell?”

At the sound of Billson calling his name, CJ straightened in his seat.

“Miss Ratcliffe is waiting for her partner.” The teacher nodded toward the lab tables.

Frowning, CJ half-turned, his gaze clashing with sky blue eyes. She waved at him. Her legs were endless in the uniform skirt and as golden as the rest of her skin.

CJ scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He’d gotten little sleep, too restless after he cleaned up his parents’ bedroom with Bishop’s help.

Axel’s deteriorating view of him hurt his feelings. He also wanted to talk to his mother. Ask her once again to come home. It wasn’t until sometime this morning that he remembered the bruises he’d seen sprinkled over his father’s body. He still didn’t know what happened because Dad hadn’t come down for breakfast.

“Mr. Caldwell, go to the lab table or go to the principal’s office.”

CJ had gone to school today because he hoped by the time the last bell ended and he got home, his mother and sister would be there. Hours upon hours of waiting for Mom’s call and scared she wouldn’t come home didn’t help his frame of mind. Yet, he didn’t want to be there either. He no longer knew where he wanted to be. Where he belonged.

A big part of him truly missed school, though CJ knew he couldn’t admit that to Dad because of his complete about face on CJ’s future in the club. Mom leaving sidelined Dad’s determination to…to…whatever. Honestly, he no longer knew how Dad felt or what he wanted from him.

Once, his entire life had been defined, laid out for him with little sayfromhim. It just was.

CJ would be the club’s president, taking on Dad’s positions. National Prez and Prez of the MC—mother chapter.

Fuck. No wonder Ryan had epic crash outs. None of their fathers ever considered that it might be a good fucking idea to wait until their sons developed personalities to see which kid fit in what position. With all the boys in the family, that would’ve been the only fair way.

Instead, it was just assumed CJ would be the next Outlaw, Rory the next Uncle Johnnie, and Ryan the next Uncle Val.

CJ wanted to be Prez. With every fiber of his being and every breath in his body. But Dad…

He bowed his head, still teetering on the verge of a breakdown.

It wasn’t as if he could talk to a counsellor. Most of his problems originated in the club around issues he could never discuss outside of that insulated world.

“Mr. Caldwell—”

CJ clenched his jaw, glanced away, so very hurt inside. “She isn’t Molly.”

Billson’s irritation slid away. “I understand.”

“You promised me I could work on our project.” It didn’t matter that she was gone. CJ would never forget her. He’d do everything in his power to honor her memory. Working on the project with another girl—even as one as pretty as Skye Ratcliffe—betrayed Molly in his mind. He lifted his gaze to the teacher. “Please, sir.”

Billson smiled kindly and placed a hand on CJ’s shoulder. “You can, Mr. Caldwell. In your spare time. Miss Ratcliffe needs a partner and I’ve chosen you. Under your tutelage, Molly’s overall grade increased. I know you miss her, but this student needs your assistance. You’re my brightest student.”

“Thank you.”

CJ still didn’t move.

“Do you have football practice today?”