Page 27 of Playmaker
Maddie
With only two days left before we leave for the Grand Canyon, time only seems to become more pressing.
In forty-eight hours Cameron and I will be surrounded by my family, and these moments of blissful serenity tangled in his sheets will all come to an end. Granted, Cameron agreed to try , but what does that mean? I’ve been too afraid to ask since he was the one who wanted to take this thing between us slowly. Is putting a label on it too fast? Is speaking of the future too much pressure?
I hate that I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to relationships, but as much as I wish I could regret not having more experience, I don’t. Waiting for Cameron was the greatest decision I’ve ever made, but there are so many insecurities I have about this being my first time with someone, and I don’t know how to shake them.
Maybe that’s why I decided to have Maya over for a sleepover tonight even knowing this is using up one of only two nights I have left with Cameron before we’re thrust back into secrecy.
Well, more secrecy than usual , I should say.
It’s imperative I talk everything out with someone who is experienced and who can lead me in the right direction as to how and when to approach Cameron about what comes after this when we go back to school.
However, I should have known better than to anticipate Maya instantly giving me advice. She seems to be stuck on the losing my virginity part, and I swear she screamed so loud I’m surprised my eardrums didn’t burst.
“Oh, this is good! Ah, I’ve waited for years to have this conversation with you! Ugh, and it sounds so romantic.” She leans forward on my bed, perched on her hands and knees. “Tell me, is he as big as everyone said he was in high school?”
“Maya!” I retort, utterly mortified.
“It’s a simple question.” She sits back on her knees, awaiting an answer.
“I didn’t want to talk to you about this to discuss the size of his dick .” But even speaking about it brings a flush to my cheeks. Forgetting what his dick looks like is something I’ll never have to worry about.
“Right. You’re scared of asking him what happens when you head back to school.” She sits cross-legged on the bed, seemingly unable to choose a position from excitement. “He said he wanted to try, and to me, that means continuing this after break ends, but all you have to do is ask him, Maddie. It’s simple.”
It’s simple to her . I’ve never put myself out on a limb for a guy before. I rarely attend parties, and I can count the number of dates I’ve been on with one hand. I’ve put my future career of becoming an oncologist ahead of every social aspect of my life. Cameron doesn’t know that’s what I’m studying to become, and neither do my parents. It was a decision I made after Stacy passed, after I saw firsthand how much of an impact losing her had on our families. Me included. A cancer specialist seemed daunting at thirteen. It was a faraway dream for me to accomplish, but it’s times like these when I feel a twinge of regret because of it.
Maya has piercings along her ear, and various tattoos lining both forearms. I take one glance at her and just know she’s lived. I’ve kept my head down because, just like Cameron, I’m trying to make Stacy proud of me, and the only way I know how to accomplish that is by helping others with the same disease she had while I wait for a miracle cure to be found.
Who would I be if I had indulged in more partying and dating? Would I be a less boring version of myself?
Reading books and studying has always been my comfort. I live vicariously through characters, and because of that, I’ve never felt the urge to live on the wild side or dabble in things that aren’t the norm for me. Why risk getting caught by police doing something reckless when I could quite literally put myself in the shoes of a dragon rider who does reckless shit at every turn? Did I mention I can experience this from the safety of my bed as well?
But sometimes I feel like something’s wrong with me because I don’t ever feel the need to drink myself into oblivion like everyone else, but I also don’t enjoy the fact that studying seems to be the only personality trait I have. I want to come out of my shell once in a while, but it’s hard when spending the night curled up with a good book instead is all the more tempting.
“Look.” Maya grabs my hands with hers. ‘He likes you, Maddie, and he’s been honest with you so far, right? If you ask and he feels too pressured, I think he’ll tell you.”
“Maybe, but do you think I’m an idiot for ignoring all his red flags? For saying to hell with it and continuing this when there’s a chance of getting my heart broken?”
Her lips form a thin line as she contemplates her answer. “I think that any relationship you enter can be deceiving. You could assume you have the most loyal guy on the planet only for him to stab you in the back. To me, him being so up front and honest is a good thing. It means he cares. However—” Her eyes soften when they meet mine. “As I said a few days ago, you should keep your guard up until he’s completely in this. I don’t want to see you get hurt, Maddie.”
I nod, my eyes welling with tears as I remember the countless tubs of ice cream and Lifetime movies we went through trying to get me to recuperate from Cameron all but exiling me from his life.
“All I’m trying to say is he’s Cameron Holden,” she adds softly. “He has a reputation, you know?”
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I know.”
Maya falls back onto my comforter, her black hair sprawled out on my pillows. “Thanks for inviting me this weekend,” she says, thankfully changing the subject. “I’m totally going to make a move on your brother, by the way.”
I wrinkle my nose in disgust. “Great. You have fun with that.”
“I will. I packed a neon-green bikini that is going to make my tan look incredible . The goal is to have him drooling like a dog.”
“I have no doubt you’re going to look amazing.” And it’s the truth. Maya is toned in all the right places, and any guy would be lucky to have her. My brother won’t last five minutes with her pulling out that ensemble. I know exactly which swimsuit she’s referring to, and my brother doesn’t have a shot in hell at withstanding her.
“You know . . .” She bats her eyelashes at me in a childish manner. “I have an extra bikini you can borrow if you’d like. It’s skimpy and the same purple as the dress Cameron ripped off you the other night. Might give him some flashbacks .”
Grabbing the pillow off my bed, I chuck it at her face. “You are a menace! The whole point is to keep this a secret. Not make it obvious.”
“Teasing isn’t making anything obvious,” she retorts. “Don’t act like you’re not going to try to get his godlike cock in you at some point this weekend.”
I almost choke on my spit. “ Godlike? What rumors have you heard?”
“Are you saying it’s not?”
Christ . Fighting with Maya is useless. She always gets what she wants eventually, so if I refuse to tell her, she’ll annoy me all night until she wears me down.
“It’s better than the rumors,” I admit with a smug grin.
“I knew it!” she shrieks. “Okay, stop me when I reach the length.” She holds up two fingers and begins to stretch them farther apart. Just to mess with her, I allow her to reach an abnormally large size.
Her eyes grow wide. “No way. You’re bullshitting.”
“Am I?” I ask with a teasing grin. Leaning over to grab the remote and the popcorn bowl, I place both between us and point to the television screen. “Enough about dick sizes. Pick the next movie.”
“ I’m sorry I’m enjoying my nonexistent sex life through you. I haven’t gotten laid in months. I’m in a dry spell that’s never going to end, I swear.”
A laugh bubbles up my throat at the image I have of my brother seeing her in the neon-green bikini. “Something tells me a vicious storm is coming your way this weekend, Maya. I suggest you prepare yourself.”