Page 24 of Playmaker

Cameron

I don’t waste time turning on the lights.

We stumble inside my house, too entranced with one another to be bothered by the pitch blackness of the living room. I use my memory of the floor plan and guide her toward the stairs, my hands roaming everywhere on her body, but no matter where I touch, it doesn’t seem nearly enough.

I don’t deserve her .

It’s a constant reminder in the back of my head, but she heard me out and still canceled the date with Mark. She wants this just as much as I do, and I’m fucking tired of suppressing the feelings I have for her. I want to take this leap of faith for us. I want to become a man who’s worthy of her, and I meant it when I told her I would try.

Maddie moans blissfully when we reach the steps. My lips are kissing down her neck, then across her collarbone, then her—

“Cam.” I’m obsessed with how she says my name—like I’m the object of all her desires. “I want this.”

It’s an effort for me to pause my kisses, but I drag my eyes to hers, hating that I can barely make out her face in the darkness. “I know, Mads. I want this too.”

“No.” Her breath is shaky when she adds, “I mean, I want you. All of you.”

If a pin were to drop in the silence thrumming between us, I’m certain I’d be able to hear it. Her virginity hasn’t been talked about, but it’s something she knows I’m aware of—at least I think. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t ready. Truthfully, I was ready in the closet when we first kissed, and if I hadn’t known she was a virgin then, I likely would have taken things much further than I probably should have.

But having these little moments of intimacy are something I’ve cherished with her. It makes me slow down, enjoy every second, and leaves me wanting for more. I want to take this next step with her, but does she ? I don’t want to rush her.

“Mads . . .” I trail off, releasing a groan when she tugs on my curls. “Are you sure you want to do this? Even after hearing all my red flags? I can’t guarantee this will work out between us. Your brother could find out, or I’ll find some way to fuck things up.” I sigh. “I don’t want you to regret this.”

She kisses me again, and it’s meant to be soft and tender, but we just can’t seem to stop. I press her against the wall of the stairs, fully consumed by her.

“I would never regret this,” she says. “If it’s not you, it’s not anyone , Cam. You’re it for me.”

Her words fuel my desire for her. Like kerosene, the lust flares to life—crackling and consuming every thought I have. It’s a forest fire burning through me, raging and begging to be released.

And this time, I’m going to let it.

The flame consumes us both when my hands find the zipper of this damn dress. I tear it down with expert precision and hear the fabric fall to the floor, and my hands land on her soft, silky skin. Her perfume, laced with vanilla, is a scent I’ve memorized.

It’s Maddie .

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Finally, we’ve somehow made it to my bedroom. My lava lamp provides just enough of a red glow as she falls onto my bed, and my mouth grows dry at the sight of her. Breasts spilling out of a black lacy bra and a scrap of silk covering the most intimate part of her will me to pounce on her, but I rein in that primal part of me and focus on those lavish heels decorating her feet instead.

“You’re fucking perfect,” I mutter, enamored with the way goose bumps rise on her skin from my touch. Her eyes speak more than her mouth ever could as she tracks my movements. She’s breathless when I hook her leg over my shoulder, my fingertips fumbling with the strap around her ankle without looking. I’m ashamed to admit I’ve done this more times than I can count, so it’s a skill I’ve learned, but Maddie is distracting when she tugs on her bottom lip, and the strap that should be easy becomes more difficult than intended.

I’m too impatient to mess with a fucking buckle on a strap. “I guess we’re leaving the heels on.”

In every fantasy I’ve created in my head over the years of this moment, the real thing is surpassing any expectation. I’m breathless when she slides her thong off and tosses it to the side. Speechless when she parts her thighs. I’m hypnotized by her after she removes her bra—at her fucking mercy when I sink to my knees on the carpet beside the bed and tug her toward me.

The locket I spent hours picking out for her in the eighth grade is the only thing she’s wearing aside from the heels, and it’s a reminder of how important she is not just to me, but was to my mom as well. She surprised me that day at the jewelry store by offering to let me pick it out, and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. Something delicate and stunning, just like Maddie.

“Yes,” she moans. My head is buried between her thighs, and I’m fighting the urge to throw my morals out the window and fuck her senseless, but I have to remember this is her first time. She doesn’t want to be fucked , nor is that what I want her to think I’m doing. I don’t know if I’ll be able to give her what she needs tonight, but I want to try.

I told her I’d try .

So I take it slow while I suck and lick her clit over and over again until she’s coming on my tongue. She arches her back, fist in my hair before she throws her head back against my pillows in a sated, messy heap.

“Oh my god ,” she whispers.

Rising from the carpet, I allow her a few seconds of reprieve and reach over my head to tug my sweatshirt off. She eyes me greedily, her teeth tugging on her—now swollen—bottom lip. Then she takes the time to remove her heels, and when they land on the floor with a loud thud, I’m completely naked before her.

There’s a moment of timidness that passes between us. I need the reassurance that she wants this, needs this, and thankfully, she gives it.

One second I’m standing, and the next she’s tugged me on top of her, my large frame covering hers on the mattress. My leg accidentally hits her knee, and we both laugh at how impatient we are.

My heart is pounding in my chest as I stare into the eyes of a girl who has been in my life for years. The girl I used to ride bikes with. The girl who had her first crush on me. And not the cool, playboy quarterback, but the old me. The nerd with a face full of braces and not a lick of confidence.

Maddie is so special to me, and I’ve never taken another girl’s virginity before. I don’t want to hurt her. I want tonight to be memorable for her—one she’ll never forget.

So, in an effort to slow things down, I kiss her tenderly.

Passionately .

My fingertips trace her thigh as she grasps both sides of my face to deepen the kiss, and I can’t help but entwine my tongue with hers, which only seems to make the kiss grow stronger. I feel her squirm beneath me, desperate for friction, and it’s taking everything I have not to get right to it.

I pull away and scan her eyes. Again, searching for reassurance. I need to verbally hear it from her lips. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“More than anything,” she replies, and the steadiness of her tone is enough for me to believe her.

Reaching over to my nightstand, I open up the drawer to grab a condom. Maddie is smiling from ear to ear, and that tightening sensation explodes in my chest, threatening to detonate me into nothing but smithereens. I’m in love with this girl, and I hate that I am. Hate that I’m petrified to tell her. Hate that I’m afraid I’ll never be who she needs me to be.

But I’m in too deep to turn back now. Maybe that makes me a selfish bastard, but I can’t help myself when I roll the condom on and hover over her. The smile on her face fades, and now she looks nervous—like it just hit her that she’s about to lose her virginity.

“Are you—”

“Yes,” she whispers. “I want you, Cam.”

I didn’t realize I was shaking until now, and it makes me feel like a complete and utter idiot. I’m acting like it’s my first time, but in a way it is. I’ve never cared about someone this much during sex. I’ve never—

She grabs my chin to look at her. “Stop overthinking. Please.”

A curt nod is all I can give, and while I support myself on one elbow, I move myself to her entrance. Her chest is rising and falling with anticipation, and my breathing is labored when I glance between our bodies and nearly finish at the sight of my cock so close to her.

Don’t overthink .

I push inside, sucking in a sharp breath at the tightness. My instincts beg me to go all the way, but I can’t. Not when her face is scrunching up from the unfamiliar feeling.

“It’s okay,” she says, biting on her lip. “I’m fine. Keep going.”

I nod and push another inch, my forehead falling into the crook of her neck at the feeling. I never knew how different this would be, and if I had, I would have made my move on Maddie a long time ago. “Oh shit ,” I moan.

Her fingertips scrape down my back when I slide out and try again. This time, she moans, and the sound is like music to my ears. My favorite symphony. A tune that will be stuck in my head like a broken record.

“Keep going?” I ask. My lips are against her ear, so I can’t see her face, but I feel her nod. I slide my cock in and out, moving a bit farther each time, and finally, after about a minute, I’m fully hilted inside of her.

And it feels like I’m home .

“Cam,” she whispers breathlessly. I pull back to see her eyes are heavy lidded with lust, eyelashes fluttering shut, and I’ve never seen someone so fucking perfect. She is mine . Even if I fuck this up between us, for tonight, she’s mine, and I’m not taking it for granted.

Her hips start to move with mine, matching my rhythm. She’s a fast learner, and my mind strays to all the positions I want to show her. I want to be the one she experiences every single one with.

Our bodies are meant for each other. We’re perfectly in sync as she rolls her hips with mine, and the feel of her has my jaw dropping open.

I can’t speak.

I can’t think.

All I can focus on is the mind-shattering experience she’s giving me. It’s comical, really. I was so stressed about making sure this is a night she’ll never forget, and yet she’s doing exactly that to me.

“Cam, it feels so good,” she pants.

Fuck .

I’m going to come .

As hard as I am, I fight the need to finish, and wait her out, ensuring she gets what she needs from me. Her legs stiffen, and her mouth is parted, so I know she’s close.

“Baby, you feel so good,” I say, my voice muffled in the crook of her neck. I can’t look at her again. If I do, I’ll come in a heartbeat. “Come for me. Please.”

“Faster,” she begs. Her fingers wrap into my hair as I pick up speed, and her soft moans turn into screams of pleasure. I drill my hips against hers, my thrusts erratic and frenzied as she nears the edge of her release, but all I can think about is our conversation at the park last week when I told her I’d never met someone I wanted to both fuck and make love to.

I was mistaken.

She was standing in front of me all along.

I’m rewarded by her orgasm and blissful cries of pleasure as her legs wrap around my lower back, holding me hostage, and as soon as that first wave of her wetness hits, I’m a fucking goner.

I come so hard I see stars.

“Oh fuck !” I bite down gently on her shoulder, filling up the condom to the rim, I’m certain. We’re a heaving, sweaty mess tangled in one another, but I never want to unravel. If it was up to me, I’d stay inside of her like this for eternity, but this is her first time, and I need to make sure she’s okay.

Gingerly pulling out, I study her face, noting the hint of pain on her features. “How are you?” I whisper. Every part of me wants to hold her close and revel in the aftermath of how incredible that was, but I need her to feel the same. I can’t celebrate anything until I’m certain she didn’t regret it.

“I am—” She giggles as she searches for words, and the relief that washes over me allows me to fully feel the effects of cloud nine. “I mean, I thought I knew what it would feel like, but . . .” She shakes her head. “It was a thousand times better than I imagined.”

I roll onto my back, sporting a cheesy grin, panting as I try to regain control of my breathing. I’m still reeling from the feel of her beneath me. Her hands scraping down my back, legs trapping me to her, my name spilling from her lips in ecstasy.

“Was it okay?” she asks, looking over at me. “I mean, was I okay?”

Christ. She put me in such a trance I haven’t even said anything yet.

I turn my head to the side and shake my head in disbelief. “That was the best sex of my life, Maddie Davis.”

Her brows fly to her hairline. “Seriously?”

I nod. “You’ve set a new bar.”

Rising from the bed, I strip the condom off and walk into the attached bathroom to throw it in the garbage. When I return to the room, I open a dresser drawer and rummage around for clothing we can wear. She still hasn’t said anything, and when I glance over my shoulder, her demeanor has shifted completely.

She notices my concerned expression before she gulps loudly and points to my sheets. There’s a couple of spots of blood on them, but it’s noticeable. “I’m sorry,” she says.

“Why are you apologizing?” I turn to face her with an armful of clothes. “It was your first time. It’s normal for that to happen.”

“I know, but—”

“Here.” I place the bundle of clothes in her arms and jerk my head toward the bathroom. “Take these and go shower. It’ll help if you’re in any discomfort. Are you in pain?” I help her stand, noticing when she grimaces and shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “Okay, while you shower, I’ll throw the sheets in the wash and grab an ice pack for you.”

“Cam.” Tears pool in her eyes before a smile tugs at her lips. “Thank you. You’re being so sweet, and I know you think you’ll break my heart again, but I mean it when I say I wouldn’t have wanted to lose my virginity to anyone else, and even if this doesn’t work out, I’m not going to regret it. It’s not possible.”

And when she closes the bathroom door behind her, I can’t help but try to swallow past the lump in my throat.

Because things with Maddie just became a lot more serious, and if I had the irrational fear of losing her before?

It’s nothing compared to the crippling anxiety I have now.