Page 61 of Pet: Torment

“Fine…but don’t laugh at me,” I say softly as I make my way back to the deeper edge of the water. Remus doesn’t speak, but I do hear his light chuckle as he places his hands under me to hold me up as he teaches me to swim.

The sound of my sobs wakes me up. It jolts me from the dream I was having, where the memory of our last day together plays in my mind. I shiver slightly, blinking the sleep from my eyes as my attention immediately drifts to the open window. I’m still in Xion’s home, but the sun has long since set, and unlike at Remus and Ezra’s home, I cannot seeLlorain the atmosphere, but I can see the faint glow of the rings coveringXyrannis.

I slowly roll away from the view, anger ripping through me as they remind me of this situation. And why my dream was so bittersweet.

“Ngh,” I groan as dull pain throbs around my lower stomach. My hands fly to the source of the pain, applying pressure to stop it. It intensifies the anger I feel. I never thought I would feelthis way. Even when I first arrived onXyrannis, I was hesitant to call this place my home. I never wanted to see it as anything more than another prison. But just like in my dreams, Remus somehow coaxed me into it.

I let myself fall into the illusion Remus had created for me. I grew so comfortable that the results of his leaving have left me feeling lost and hopeless, instead of happy. On Earth, I had hope and allies, and a purpose. Here, I only had Remus. And just when I had grown comfortable with that, he was taken from me—cruelly.

I squeeze my eyes shut, digging my face into the pillow to quiet my sobs.

Remus’s expression when he was choking the life out of me is something I had forgotten about, and after experiencing that side of him, I can’t believe I ever did. Remus’s hatred for anything weaker than him was a defining feature and the center of our “relationship” in the beginning. But without realizing it, we had moved on from that, and I hadn’t seen Remus’s anger like that in a while—not even when I “betrayed” him.

It’s even more distressing watching Ezra and Xion’s reaction to it all. They may call themselves The “Divine Three,” but that is all for show. In reality, it is Remus who controls everything. So much so, that when his memory has been wiped and he almost killed the woman both of his siblings are aware he cares for, there is nothing they can do about it. They won’t even question his reality to his face. Their mother knew this. She knows how powerful her son is, which must be why she is so desperate to have control over him.

But it doesn’t explain how my existence makes her control waver.

Remus never once strayed from his path of destruction. While my attempts may have entertained him, he never let them sway his ultimate goal—he never so much as questioned his purpose. Iknow Xion said they would get to the bottom of this, but I don’t think they can.

“Mngh…,” I groan as the pain intensifies, and I curl myself up in a fetal position. It outweighs the ache in my throat. I feel worse than I’ve ever felt in my life. And I know the removal of Remus’s bond is a huge factor in that. I not only feel alone mentally, but physically, the ache is unbearable. Even though I’m warm, I still feel cold. Nothing could sate this chill but Remus.

My eyes fly open as I realize my thoughts.

I miss him. I miss his warmth and his comfort. I miss the certainty that came with his presence. I’ve grown accustomed to him and the support he provides. I’ve even grown used to him removing any and all pain with his touch. His hugs, his gentle strokes, and even his consistent desire to push my hair away from my face were always accompanied by a tingling warmth as he made sure my body was in perfect order.

I may never have that again.

My cries grow, slowly becoming audible. I can no longer hold back my pain. And I don’t care enough to be ashamed of it, as it outweighs my desire to be strong. This is a situation I never prepared for. Now that I’m in it, I don’t know what to do to fix it.

None of us do.

If it all possible, I feel even worse than I did last night. My body is numb with pain, and I feel weaker than I ever have. Even lifting my arms has become a task. I feel like I’m rotting from the inside, and I have no will left in me.

I barely slept. The pain alone was enough to keep me up. When I was finally able to drift off, the dreams that tormented my mind only triggered more tears in my sleep. My brain has decided to latch onto any and every fond memory I’ve had with Remus. Except at the time, they weren’t fond to me. I was focused on being angry and resistant to his attempt at making peace.

If only I knew how much I would cherish those moments.

I pull in a shuddering breath as I focus on the hairpin Remus gave me on our last day together. The jewel seems to pulse with life as I shift it between my fingers, reminding me of Remus. I wish I knew why he gave this to me—why it was important to him.

Now, it is all I have left.

I’m sure the room he made for me has also been destroyed and wiped clean of my existence—Margot’s plant included. Each time I think of the state of his home—the sounds coming from the room we shared, my pit of despair deepens.

I don’t move as the door opens. I don’t have the strength.

“Iris, you need to eat something. You can’t survive on this drink alone,” Xion says disappointedly as she takes in the tray of food that hasn’t been touched over the now empty cup that once held the pink liquid Remus made me drink.

“Why do you care?” I whisper. My throat still hasn’t healed properly, so my voice comes out in a cracked whisper, audibly mimicking how I feel.

I hear Xion crossing the room, and she moves to the opposite side of the bed, kneeling in front of me. Her beauty is jarring, especially since she and Remus look so much alike, and I have to look away.

“Because no matter how I feel about the situation, you are important to my brother,” she says.

I release a bitter chuckle, slowly sitting up in bed. I flinch as pain lingers around my stomach. At this point, I’ve chalked it up to me not eating. But I’ve been starved before—it feels different than hunger pains.

Xion watches me steadily until I am sitting up enough to speak.

“He tried to kill me. I am not important to him anymore,” I say.