Page 36 of Pet: Torment
I shrug.
“As much as I can before you return to tell me what else to do with my life,” I say.
Remus makes a face, his hand moving to my cheek, and I bite my tongue to prevent a moan from escaping me as the warmth of his palm makes the frigid cold disappear against my skin. But my eyes close as I enjoy his touch.
“Because if I don’t, you will freeze to death to prove a point,” he says.
I open my eyes, looking at him in irritation. I quickly slap his hand away, shoving past him to enter the house.
“Iris, how long do you intend to pout about the effects of the bond?” he calls to me as we enter.
“Pout?” I repeat. I turn to face him and immediately wish I hadn’t.
“You think the disappointment in never being able to escape you is me pouting? Finding out that every choice I’ve made has just been you pulling the strings?” I release a humorless chuckle as I look out the glass. “You really are an emotionless being, Remus.”
“Iris—”
“No. What else about my life is a lie? Do I really have a chance to spare my brother? Or is he already dead? Even my ‘betrayal’ you so love to bring up was a farce. Youlet me leave. Then shattered everything in seconds. You always make me feel like I’m in control like I am the one who is making my own decisions, but it’s always been you. So, excuse me if I don’t want to look at you because this bond youforcedon me makes me want nothing more than to be closer to you,” I growl.
I whip away from Remus, praying that he doesn’t follow me as I make my way through the hallways. I don’t know if it’s the bond or his words to me the other night, but I feel like I understand him much better now that I’ve gotten rid of the notion of him being capable of feeling anything that emulates human emotion. He is a master of manipulation, his people included. He lets them think they have a choice by allowing them this trial. But it means nothing in the long run. The outcome was already decided the moment Iriel betrayed Remus. The result will always be what Remus desires. He said so himself.
Everything ‘human’ that Remus has shown me since arriving is because he used the bond to comprehend what I am feeling. Otherwise, the small gestures he’s shown to make me comfortable here would be nonexistent. It’s just another anomaly to add to the pile of mystery that is Remus.
I make my way into the bedroom, grunting in frustration that I can’t slam the door. There isn’t one. And Remus follows me, concern on his face as he enters the room.
“I understand that you’re upset—”
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend that you understand me. You don’t understand anything about me, Remus. You don’t care to. You just want me here at your beck and call to do what you decide,” I say.
Remus scoffs.
“I’ve always cared for you, Iris. Everything I’ve done is because I care about you. And just because I care differently doesn’t mean that I don’t understand,” he says.
I hate the patience I hear in his voice. I turn to face him, closing the distance between us as I speak.
“You willneverunderstand me. You are a heartless, emotionless being incapable of understanding anything, especially what it’s like to be a human in your presence,” I say.
Remus wipes his face of emotion as we look at one another. But I look into his eyes, what I know is the source of his emotion. The purple shines bright, swirling in a way I’ve never seen before. I release a huff of irritation, attempting to shove past him, when he grips my arm, pulling me close.
I gasp as he holds my gaze. He doesn’t say anything as he looks me in the eyes, an internal struggle appearing on his face.
“You wouldn’t punish a lion for eating a gazelle. You wouldn’t punish a cat for eating a mouse. You wouldn’t force it to learn your ways or get angry at it for not adhering to your way of life. Why do you continue to judge me by those standards?” Remus’s voice is a sharp whisper as he speaks. His eyes continue to search mine as his desperation to understand rises to the surface.
“You are punishing me for what I am when everything that I have done since bonding was to protect you from yourself. You would have been taken by your brother, used, and killed by the people you fought so viciously for. You would be dead, Iris. Dead!” he hisses.
I yank my arm from his grip, stepping back.
“Then that would have been my fate. Mine! Not what you chose for me—”
“I chose life for you because you are too stubborn and riddled with guilt to choose it for yourself,” he counters.
“Don’t confuse your desire for me with selflessness, Remus. You couldn’t take the idea of living without me—”
“Yes!” I stumble as the room slightly vibrates from Remus’s outburst. My eyes widen as he once again takes on a strange hue, his body illuminating as he speaks.
”Irefuseto live without you. You have triggered something in me I do not want to let go of. Inever want to let go of. Bonding with you was my way of ensuring you never die needlessly. Not when I had the power to prevent it. And watching you leap toyour death…I never want to feel that helpless again. I won’t,” he says.
Remus’s gaze narrows, and he takes on a personality I’m not familiar with, causing me to tremble as I stand before him. This isn’t the Remus I’ve come to know. The one who smiles and laughs at the direction of my thoughts. This Remus is terrifying. Even more so than the version of him I met in the blight.