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Chapter twenty-five

Lennon

T he tingle starts at the base of my spine, a tiny prickle of awareness that stretches slowly upward until it reaches my neck, my shoulders, its fingers curling around me until I’m engulfed in its heated palm.

I know without having to look that I’m being watched, but instead of a warm flutter a cold shiver courses through me. This is wrong . I turn, spotting Axel’s dad at the far end of the bar.

His eyes are locked on me, cold and calculating, leaving no doubt that the version of him I saw a few weeks ago was a show for Axel’s benefit.

Pasting a blank expression on my face, I approach as if he’s any other customer. “What can I get you?”

“Coors Light. And my son.”

“Can’t help with the second one.” His beady gaze watches me carefully as I put a beer in front of him.

“Bullshit. I seen you with him on TV at his event.” He jerks his head toward the screen as if I can find the proof of his words on it. “You two are together.”

“Were,” I correct. “We aren’t anymore. ”

“I don’t buy that boy, and even if I did, we both know you can still get him a message if you wanted to.”

I’d like to believe that’s true, but after the way we left things I’m not so sure. That’s why I’m getting on a plane in a few hours. He can’t hang up on me if I apologize in person.

“Sorry to disappoint, but we didn’t part on the greatest of terms. I doubt I’d have any more luck reaching him than you would.” Crossing my arms, I stand my ground, waiting to see what he says next.

“Like I said boy, I don’t buy it.” He brings the glass to his lips and gulps down a large mouthful of beer without taking his eyes off me.

“But if you want to stick to that story, fine. I’ll just wait here to collect what he owes me.

Unless you want to settle up for him,” he sneers.

“I’d actually prefer cash to those jerseys he gave me last time. ”

“You were lucky to get those if I remember right.”

“He said he’d give me more.”

“No, he didn’t.” Thank goodness, Axel told me about their last encounter, so I know the bastard is lying. Not that I’d take his dad’s word about anything, it’s just easier to stay calm since I know what I’m talking about. “That beer is on the house. When you finish it, you can leave.”

“I’m not leaving until you put me in touch with my son.” His lip curls up in disgust.

“Well, that’s going to be difficult seeing as how he’s not talking to me. Like I said, you’d have better luck on your own.” I turn around to focus on my actual customers, dismissing him in the least confrontational way I can think of.

The weight of his glare bogs me down for a solid fifteen minutes before I feel it lift, telling me he’s finally gone.

But the nervous rumble in the pit of my stomach lingers.

What if he comes back while I’m gone and harasses my staff?

Or I get caught on camera with Axel again? Should I cancel this trip?

No. It’ll be hard enough to convince Axel I deserve a second chance after the way I treated him. I couldn’t see it then—the fear of ending up like my mother was too great—but he was right. I was being selfish.

When he asked me to find a balance between our respective careers, I heard give mine up even though that’s not what he said. It took Blake pointing out what a solid guy Axel is for me to replay that conversation, and with time and distance I was able to see it logically instead of emotionally.

Funny, all this time I thought I wasn’t an emotional person, and it turns out I am. I just see life through the lens of fear, then do everything in my power—sometimes to my detriment—to make sure that fear doesn’t become reality.

That little realization doesn’t mean I suddenly view the world through the lens of sunshine and rainbows.

I’m still terrified of the worst happening, but after taking a hard look at myself I think it’s safe to say I don’t assume the worst. That is, I don’t assume making a life with Axel will mean walking away from the one I’ve built.

It’ll look different, and if different means having him to come home to—at least when he isn’t competing—I’m all for it.

I’m even for joining him at some of those competitions and celebrating with him like we did a few weeks ago.

I’m ready to live instead of merely exist . With him. If he’ll have me.

Unfortunately, the longer I wait the harder it will be to fix things, that much I know, so canceling my trip isn't an option if I want a future with Axel. Still, I make a mental note to warn Randy about my unwanted visitor, just in case Axel’s dad makes another appearance.

A few hours later, the restaurant is silent, and I’ve done everything possible to prepare for being gone a few days. I turn off the lights and let myself out the back door, but before I can lock up the cold chill from earlier creeps up my spine. I spin around, coming face to face with Axel’s dad.

Though he’s too pale to be in good health, his wiry frame suggests there’s still some strength in those limbs, and the feral look in his eye says he’s unhinged.

That makes him unpredictable, so while I’m capable of defending myself physically, I’d rather not have to.

Plus, I don’t have to look around to know I’m all alone, and that help won’t come.

Crime simply doesn’t exist here, so there’s never been a reason to take safety precautions.

I’ve got no alarm, no cameras, not even a miniature can of mace.

If I make one mistake defending myself, I doubt anyone would even hear me scream.

Praying he’s not so drunk he can’t process reality, I try to diffuse him. “I’ll try calling. Right now.” I fish around my pocket for my phone. “I doubt he’ll answer, but I’ll try.”

My hand is steady as I select Axel’s number and put it on speaker. The line rings two, three, four times before voicemail picks up. Though I expected it, my heart sinks a little when he doesn’t answer.

“See?” I hold the phone out to Axel’s dad. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. I have no way to…”

The phone clatters to the ground as it’s slapped out of my hand. “I told you, boy, I’d rather have cash than his jerseys.”

“Axel never agreed to give you money.” I press my back against the door, which only puts a couple of inches between us.

“It’s not him I’m talkin’ to.”

“I don’t have any cash.” I shake my head back and forth to emphasize my words.

His eyes narrow into slits as he leans forward. “Bullshit,” he snarls, as drops of spit flings across my face. “I saw how often you opened that little register. Let’s take a walk inside and have a peek at that drawer. ”

“It’s not there. We take it to the night drop at the bank every night.”

“You think I haven’t been watching this place for days now? I know you don’t take anything to the bank until the next day. Give me the cash.”

“I told you—"

I sense the hand coming toward my face too late to move out of the way, and even though I brace at the last second, pain explodes on my cheek when his fist makes contact.

My head whips to the side as I absorb the punch, making the ground seem to sway.

The dizziness lasts for only a second, but just as I’m balling my hand into a fist to fight back I’m hit with another blow.

And another. Then darkness surrounds me.

***

The figure in front of me is blurry around the edges, making it hard to recognize, although I feel like I should. I shut my eyes briefly before opening them again, shedding the fuzziness with each blink until the leanly muscled frame comes into focus. “Axel?”

He spins around to face me, eyes wide with… hope ?

Taking my hand in his he sits in the chair next to the bed as a man in a white lab coat comes forward, studying my face intently.

“Thank God you’re awake. I was so worried.” Axel raises my hand to his lips and kisses my fingers as his eyes lift to the man hovering next to me. “It’s a good sign that he’s awake already, right?”

“Concussions are tricky.” I flinch as the man shines a bright light in my eyes. “How are you feeling, Lennon? Can you talk?”

“Con…consuss…” I try to clear my throat, noticing for the first time how dry it is .

Axel reaches for a cup on the bedside table and holds a straw to my lips.

“You have a grade three concussion.” I close my eyes briefly to stave off the nausea as I turn to look at the man who must be my doctor.

“We did an MRI and determined you didn’t have any internal bleeding, but you’ve been drifting in and out of consciousness for the better part of the last twenty-four hours, and you’ve got a nasty lump on the back of your head.

Fortunately, Axel got you here pretty quickly so we could manage the swelling. ”

Slowly I angle my head so I can see Axel, blinking as I try to make sense of the doctor’s words. “I don’t remember getting on the plane.”

“What plane, Lennon?” Axel strokes the side of my cheek.

“The one to Texas.” I sigh heavily. Why does talking make it hard to breathe?

“Texas?” His brows pull together slightly. “You were coming to see me?”

“Why else would I go to Texas?” I close my eyes to block the glare from the fluorescent lights.

“We aren’t in Texas, babe. We’re in Colorado.”

“We’re supposed to be in Texas,” I whisper as the darkness takes me again.

***

My pillow smells faintly of diesel. And soap. And why is it so firm?

I try to roll over only to realize my entire body is pressed against the same hard mass that’s cradling my head. Axel .

My startled breath draws his attention, and his hand gently brushes the hair from my face. “Hi.” His lips are tender on my forehead .

“Where are we?” My voice sounds raspy as I struggle to pull away.

“Don’t move. I’ll get you some water.” He lifts my head off his chest as he slips out of bed. The single bed, with guard rails on the side.

He holds a straw to my lips, and I sip deeply, letting the cool water coat my dry throat. When I’ve drunk my fill, I ask again. “Where are we?”

“The hospital. You have a concussion. I found you…” His voice cracks like he’s choking on the words. “I found you behind Murphy’s.”

“Why were you there?”

“I went by your house, and you weren’t home, so I figured that’s the only other place you’d be. And when I saw you…Jesus I thought I’d lost you.” He wipes a tear from his eye with the back of his wrist. “What were you doing there so late?”

“What time was that?” I close my eyes as a wave of pain crashes over me.

“Ten thirty.”

“Ten thirty.” I roll the word over my tongue as I try to pull up a memory that seems just out of reach. “Wait, if you found me at Murphy’s then we’re in Colorado? I was supposed to go to Texas. The last thing I remember is getting everything ready for Randy so I could leave.”

Axel hooks a finger under my chin and gently tilts my head up so he can see my eyes. “Why were you going to Texas?”

So many things are fuzzy right now, but on this I’ve never been more clear. “To tell you I made a mistake. That I wanted to do the support each other thing instead of the focus on myself thing.”

“For real?” He brushes his thumb over my lip.

“For real. You were right about everything. I was afraid of losing my independence so I made you out to be like my dad even though you’re nothing alike, and I tried to force you to be the one to make all the concessions so I could stay in my safe space. I was a hypocrite.”

“Not intentionally.”

I wince even though he seems to be giving me an out. “I don’t think that makes it any better.”

“To me it does. Acting out of fear isn’t the same as acting out of malice or indifference. And I’m guessing once you had a chance to analyze your motives that’s when you decided to come after me. That’s how it went for me, anyway.”

“For you… Why were you at Murphy’s?” I whisper, watching his amber eyes track his thumb as it glides over my skin.

“To tell you I’d retire after this season.” His gaze meets mine, and in it I see the truth of those words. He’d give it all up, for me.

“Why?”

“Riding isn’t the most important thing in my life anymore.”

I shake my head and immediately wince from the pain. Panic flashes across his face, but I hold my hand up to stop him from overreacting. “No. You aren’t leaving the sport for me. I won’t let you.”

“Lennon, I’m nearing retirement, anyway. And I’d rather stay in one place with you than travel all over without you.”

“No,” I repeat, holding his stare. “You won’t travel without me, at least not all the time. And you’re not ending your career early because of me.”

“I wouldn’t end it.” He wipes away a tear that trickled from my eye. “I’d just change the way it looked.”

“What does that mean?” I flinch when it hurts to frown.

He kisses the spot between my brows. “It means I’ve already got a plan for what the next phase of my career looks like. And I can live in Katah Vista full-time to do it.”

“What’s that?” I ask around a yawn .

“I’ll tell you all about it later. Right now, I just want to climb back in bed and hold you until you’re well enough to go home.” He slips beside me and guides my head to his chest.

“Is this allowed in the hospital?” I shift against him until I find a comfortable spot.

“Fuck if I know. But I’m gonna lose my shit if I can’t feel you next to me.”

As I drift off to the sound of Axel’s steady heartbeat beneath my head, I finally, finally , let myself dream of a future where it’s not just me taking care of myself. It’s a better dream than the one I’ve been chasing all my life.

My fear damn near kept me from realizing that. Fortunately, the sexy fucker in my bed is pretty persistent.