Page 16

Chapter nine

Lennon

I ’m tired to my bones.

Despite being open for locals only today, there was a constant stream of patrons drowning their sorrows in comfort food and alcohol, and while their presence was cathartic in many ways, it was also gut-wrenching.

Saying goodbye is never easy, but saying goodbye to someone who hadn’t even hit twenty-five…

There was no shortage of tears and hugs, and while the occasional laughter when people shared their memories of Chase was fuel for the soul, the roller coaster of emotions has left me physically and emotionally drained, to the point I'm barely able to stand.

Thank God Randy stepped in when he did, forcing me to leave.

So far, he’s proving to be a great Assistant Manager, and a much-needed reprieve on a day like today.

Having only lived here a year, he didn’t know Chase like the rest of us.

So, while he's hurting, too, he’s far more capable of closing up than I am so I can head home. But that’s not where my feet carry me.

I have no more energy to talk, yet I’m too restless to be alone.

That’s a dangerous head space to be in, and as I trudge up the front walk, I’m well aware I’m not acting with common sense.

Somehow, that knowledge doesn’t stop me from stretching my arm forward to press the doorbell I swore I’d never ring again.

A brown-haired man only slightly taller than me opens the door, a curious look on his face as he studies me. “I know you from that restaurant, right? The one with the patio?”

“Yes.”

That doesn’t seem to clear anything up given the way he cocks his head to the side. “Why are you here?”

“I’m looking for Axel.”

“Axel?” His brows draw together as he looks toward the bedroom, though when he faces me again, he’s once again wearing a curious expression.

He opens his mouth. Shuts it. Opens it again, and looks down the length of my body, blinking when his gaze falls on my bare legs, peeking out between a black kilt-like skirt and my combat boots. Then he shuts his eyes, shakes his head, and finally meets my eyes.

“He’s in his room.” The man flicks his head over his shoulder and steps aside to let me in. “Should I assume you know where it is?”

I nod as I pass him, too distracted to care that he’s clearly trying to do the math with outdated information. Oops.

Opening the door, I find Axel sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard in nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of boxers, with an iPad on his lap.

His amber eyes look golden in the light coming off the screen, though they’re missing the mischievous glint they usually have.

Lips pressed in a firm line, his gaze is focused on the images in front of him, until he hears the door close with a loud click.

He stares briefly, blinking away his confusion with a curious smile.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.” He sets the iPad on the nightstand, eyes tracking me closely as I cross the room.

They’re full of heat—they always are when he looks at me—but there’s a hint of concern, too. It nearly makes me turn around.

“You’re not the only one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” A crease settles between his brows.

I come to a stop at the foot of the bed. “I’m pretty sure I just outed you to whoever answered the door."

The crease gets deeper as he gnaws on his bottom lip, and just as I’m about to take that as confirmation this is a bad idea he lifts a casual shoulder and blurts, “Fuck it. They were gonna find out sooner or later.”

“You could still deny it, if I walk out right now.”

“So could you,” he retorts. “I know you don’t want people to know you’re sleeping with me.”

“I don’t want people to know who I sleep with, period. It has nothing to do with you or the fact you’re a man. I don’t get the impression you can say the same.”

“I’m not trying to deny this.” Axel’s head shifts slowly back and forth, as if he’s talking to a skittish animal. He’s not far off given my slightly unhinged emotions. “I’d just like to understand it better before I say anything.”

I kick my boots off while holding his stare. “You like dick, what’s to understand?”

Axel inhales deeply, the kind of inhale you take before giving a confession, leaving me two choices; run away before he can say something I’m not ready to hear, or shut him up. Since I’m still not in the mood to be alone, I go with the latter.

Climbing on the bed, I crawl toward him on all fours, like I’m stalking my prey. He watches me move closer from under hooded eyes, and when his breathing hitches, I know I’ve successfully erased whatever words he was getting ready to say.

Straddling him, I lower myself to his lap, and though I’m still in my skirt there’s only a thin layer of lace underneath it, which does little to contain the bulge pressing against his.

I tentatively rock my hips, pulling a strangled moan from his throat, and Axel’s head tips back as his eyes flutter. “Fuck, that’s nice.”

“I thought you’d say that.” I repeat the motion, dragging a fingertip down his chest.

His hands find my hips as his Adam’s apple bobs on a thick swallow. “You know I’m always game, but is this what you really want? You said this was gonna be a rough day.”

“It was. That’s why I need this.” I rub against the firmness beneath me, straining to feel him right where I want it most.

“Need it, or want it?” His hands contract around my waist, holding me in place.

I open my mouth to respond, though nothing comes out. It was all so clear on the way over, but now that I’m here, straddled atop him, my reasons seem flawed.

Cheap.

And selfish.

How do I explain the urge to fuck away my feelings without hurting his, or revealing that my own are starting to get murky where he’s concerned? How do I tell the difference between need and want? How do I trust my head, or my heart, when both feel broken?

It’s all so confusing, which is why I just want to lose myself to my desire. I don’t want to think, just feel.

Axel’s gaze holds mine as questions flood my mind, though he never pushes me to speak. Never presses me for an answer. And somehow, with his silence, I know that he doesn’t just understand my chaos, he accepts it.

“Okay.” He sits up just long enough to rip his shirt over his head, revealing the washboard abs I find so sexy. And distracting. “Use me.”

“Use you?” I repeat, unsure I heard correctly.

“Fuck yourself on my cock, Lennon. Take what you need.” He pulls my shirt off before reaching for his boxers, freeing the cock that’s already full and hard. Wrapping his hand around it, he gives it a long, slow tug. “It’s yours, Lennon. Take it.”

My hole clenches at the sight of him stroking his dick. This is exactly what I wanted. Needed . And so much more than I have a right to ask for, considering the nature of our arrangement and my muddled feelings. That doesn’t stop me from shoving my skirt off while he reaches for supplies.

Freed of my clothes, I hold my palm out for Axel to fill it with lube, then close my fist around his shaft and pump, enjoying the way his steel length feels in my hand.

Though I love cock, I don’t get it often, and I want to savor the weight of another man’s dick in my fist since there’s no telling when I might feel it again.

Up, down, up. I alternate between a light touch and a firm grip, appreciating how the different pressure plumps and stretches the skin of his crown. And how his abs contract with the effort of trying to keep his dick from chasing my fist.

Imagining how good this feels for him, which isn’t a stretch since I’ve had my own cock fondled this way before, I have a sudden, vivid memory of him saying he wants to try frotting.

Shoving my briefs under my cock, I take us both in my fist and start stroking.

It’s not the same as grinding myself on top of him, but it’s no less sexy to see both our dicks pressed together as my hand glides over them .

“Jesus, that’s a sexy view.” Axel bites his lip to stifle a groan. “I didn’t think it could get any better than watching my dick sink into your ass, but this… Holy shit.”

“I figured that filthy mind of yours would appreciate this visual.” I loosen my grip enough that I can drag my tip along the underside of his cock and back.

“Don’t pretend you don’t love it,” he groans, swiveling his hips to maximize the pressure on his cock. “Your slit is leaking just as much as mine.”

Biting my lip, I swipe my thumb over our crowns to mix our precum, spreading it all over us. “Seeing and feeling how hard I can make you… Of course I love it. Now toss me a condom so I can take what I want.”

If Axel notices I say want instead of need, he doesn’t comment, just hands me the foil packet so I can roll the latex over him and slather him in more lube.

“Don’t I need to prep you?” he asks as I line him up to my hole.

“Not tonight. I need to feel this.” I make sure to say need this time instead of want, though I’m not sure if that’s for his benefit or mine. Either way, he doesn’t protest as I sink down on his beautiful cock, taking it fully inside me.

Though the burn is uncomfortable rather than painful, I still take a minute to adjust before I start to move.

I hope he assumes my pause is strictly for physical safety rather than an attempt to get my emotions under control, but he’s a perceptive fucker so I can’t be sure.

Either way, I wait until I’m sure my eyes won’t leak before I start to ride him.

Once I do, Axel holds perfectly still as I bounce frantically on his shaft, using it to push away the anger and hurt that have been weighing me down all day.

The bed creaks beneath us, headboard thumping against the wall, and still he sits motionless, a locked jaw the only sign that he’s holding back for my benefit.

Fast, hard – I take what he offers, abusing his body in pursuit of mental and emotional oblivion. It’s carnal. Selfish. And more than a little unhinged. Though he doesn’t seem to mind being the tool for my pleasure if his ragged breathing is any indication.

Axel’s eyes glaze over as I work us both into a frenzy, hands clutching desperately at my thighs. It doesn’t feel as if he’s trying to take control though, more like he’s just trying to hang on. To endure long enough to satisfy me.

That’s a far more gallant gesture than I deserve all things considered, and it nearly makes my rhythm falter. I’m forced to slam my eyes shut and concentrate on the feel of his rigid shaft as it rubs along my channel, spearing my prostate in a way that has my limbs tingling with anticipation.

“That’s it, Leni. Make yourself feel better. Make yourself come.” He eyes my cock hungrily as it bounces on his washboard abs, spurring me toward the release I hope will quiet my mind and numb my body.

“Stroke it,” I command.

His hand travels over my thigh and closes around my length, doing little more than encasing it in his firm grip, though the way I’m bobbing on his dick makes it feel like he’s pumping vigorously.

The dual sensation of being jerked and penetrated ratchets my sensitive nerves to their peak, tipping me into the first wave of release.

The cry that erupts from my throat seems to wake something in him, and with his fist still wrapped around me he starts to pump into me, driving as deep as my body will allow.

The relentless drilling of my prostate is like a series of tiny explosions inside my body, each one building on the last in a way that wracks my body with seemingly endless tremors .

Every muscle in my body goes limp as my release overtakes me, which only magnifies the sensation of my ass clenching around the stiff cock inside it. Cum shoots from my tip with such force it damn near reaches Axel’s chin, though with his head tipped back in ecstasy, he doesn’t appear to notice.

As the last of the spasms settle my mind blissfully empties, and I revel in the weightless sensation of coming apart. Then Axel puts his free hand behind my neck, pulling me to him as he sits up to meet me, smashing our lips together.

Unlike this morning, which was slow and tentative, this kiss is urgent and desperate.

Teeth and tongues clashing in rhythm with the cock still pulsing inside me, our breath mingling together as our release envelopes us.

But it doesn’t stop when the tremors do.

It morphs to something else. Something tender.

Affectionate. His lips caressing mine in an unspoken message that’s everything my body needed and everything my heart feared.

Wrapping his strong arms around my waist, Axel collapses against the headboard, taking me with him so that I’m lying on his chest. His hands stroke my back, my neck, my face as his lips savor mine, breathing his strength into me as our heartbeats return to normal.

“Better?” he whispers against my lips, thumb brushing away a stray tear I didn’t realize had escaped.

I nod, too overwhelmed to speak.

Whereas my body is sated, there’s a flutter in my chest I don’t recognize. Something that’s never been there before. I’m terrified of what it means, especially since it’s far too soon for such a reaction.

Axel tightens his hold on me and gives me a soft, slow kiss that has me fighting to hold back an uncharacteristic sob. “Good. Now get some sleep. ”

Though I can’t see how rest is possible, that’s exactly what I do, falling into a deep and dreamless sleep. Until a loud bang across the room startles me awake and I cry out into the dim morning light.