Chapter eight

Axel

I head straight for the shower after Jace picks me up, hoping the water will help clear my head. Instead, it just makes things foggier.

Not only did my cock stay in my pants last night, I didn’t sleep in a familiar bed, yet I still woke up feeling whole. Refreshed, with Lennon wrapped in my arms like I was clinging to a goddamn teddy bear. What is happening?

I don’t share my bed for anything more than sex. I don’t cuddle. And I damn sure don’t share personal details about my dad. So why did I do all of that with Lennon? Is it because he was hurting or because I like him? I’m starting to think it might be the latter.

His stubbornness amuses me, and I respect the hell out of how hard he works.

So yeah, I guess there’s a lot to like about him.

Maybe that’s why, when I saw the vulnerable side of him, I had this overwhelming urge to take the pain away.

I can’t see myself doing that for someone I only want to fuck, so maybe I want to—I don’t know—be friends?

Is that even possible when he’s still someone I want to fuck?

From the moment I laid eyes on my hellcat, he spoke to me on a carnal level.

I’ve never felt pulled like that to anyone before, let alone a man, and no joke the sex is the best I’ve ever had, and I’m getting sort of hooked on it if my semi is any indication.

But I think his personality contributes to that.

He’s fiery, and a little fearless. Independent.

Unapologetically himself. I mean, the guy rocks a skirt, and don’t even get me started on the lacy briefs.

Both are things a lot of people might find too feminine on a guy, but despite his attire he’s the epitome of masculinity, all hard angles and planes.

Plus, he gives zero fucks about what other people see and just does what he wants.

I admire the hell outta that, especially since I sometimes feel like I’m living for my sponsors and supporters rather than for myself.

Plus, it’s captivating to watch him just being him.

And now I’m hard. Again.

Stroking myself slowly, I picture Lennon’s coy smirk, which never fails to spike my arousal. I swear the man likes this game of chase we have going on, even if he won’t admit it, although I’m not sure what to do about it. Where things go from here.

I’ve never been the pursuer. I’m used to women fawning over me because of what I am; the titles I win and the money I make. They have this image in their head of being my trophy, and I might indulge that for a night, but I’ve never allowed it to go beyond that lest they get the wrong impression.

Lennon is the exact opposite. He doesn’t want anything from me, except maybe my dick, and ironically, that seems to make me want to give him more.

My time.

My secrets.

My comfort.

I’ve shared all of that with him in the past few days, and I don’t regret it. Enjoyed it, actually. So much so, I fucking kissed him .

That’s another thing I don’t do. It’s so rare, I don’t even know the last time it happened.

High school? My first year on the circuit?

A long damn time ago that’s for sure. It strikes me as more personal than sex, so I don’t go there.

Ever . Yet, I couldn’t physically stop myself from kissing Lennon before I left this morning. I just had to know what it’d be like.

Swear to God, that man has the softest lips on the planet.

I wanted to drown in them, to kiss them until they were swollen and red from my stubble, so he’d be forced to feel me all day.

I don’t know where I found the restraint to pull away, but as my fist shuttles over my swollen cock, I come with the memory of his tongue sliding along mine.

Damn . Even memories of the man are more powerful than any hookup I’ve ever had. I hope I have the chance to make more before I leave, though I’m not counting on it.

Last night wasn’t something either of us signed up for, so I can see Lennon using it as an excuse to stay away.

Part of me wants to do the same thing so this doesn’t go too far.

An even bigger part of me wants to head over to Murphy’s and see how he’s doing, but after letting me take care of him I know I wouldn’t be welcome.

He’s too self-sufficient for that, which is why I kissed him.

If he’s determined to prove he’s okay on his own, it’s unlikely I’ll see him again.

Hours later, that thought is still lingering in my mind as I skid off a trail and have to dump my bike to avoid going down with it. Cursing, I take off my helmet and throw it on the ground.

Get your shit together, Axel.

“Whoa.” Trevor slides to a stop behind me, parking his own bike to help me right mine. “You’ve got a case of the yips? Tell me that’s the bike and not you.”

“The bikes in top shape,” Nick says as he and Jace reach us, having backtracked to where we are once they noticed we weren’t behind them. “Or at least it was when I checked it this morning. Is she running alright?”

Lying would result in hours of inspection to see what’s not working, which isn’t worth my pride no matter how much the truth will sting. Still, I give them a truth they won’t give me shit about.

“Bikes running fine. My head just isn’t in it today.” I make a show of checking for any damage after my wreck, so I don’t have to see their faces.

“What’s on your mind?” Jace takes his helmet off and shuts off the cameras to avoid recording my confession. I give him a subtle nod of appreciation.

“My dad’s looking for me again,” I tell them.

“That doesn’t usually bother you,” Nick remarks as he heads back to his bike.

“I’m just getting tired of it. Every time I start to relax and think maybe he’s given up, he pokes his head up again. I just want it to end.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue since I’ve felt this way before. “I wish there was a way to get him off my case, permanently.”

“Tell me again why a restraining order won’t work?” Trevor asks.

“Who do I file that with? The trailer is the closest thing I have to a permanent residence, and it’s never parked in the same place.

No PD could enforce it since I travel so much.

” This isn’t a conversation I want to get into, but it’s better than admitting Lennon is the real reason for my wandering thoughts.

“Want to bug out of here sooner, avoid the chance of him catching up?” Jace offers. Of the three of them, he has the most first-hand experience with how messed up my dad is and gets why moving around is often easier than trying to change things. He’s been doing it with me for years .

Normally, I’d take him up on that suggestion—there’s always a new place to explore and we avoid getting attached to any one spot for exactly this reason—but today that thought makes my chest ache.

Hoping he’ll take me at face value, I give him the last answer he’s expecting. “I’m over trying to avoid him. If he catches up, he catches up. I’ll deal with it then.”

“How?” Jace asks.

“Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe I’ll just talk to the bastard.”

“And say what?” I know Jace is trying to make me think this through, but right now I wish he’d back off.

“Maybe I’ll tell him Ma is going to file a restraining order.” I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

“She’d never do that. She thinks he’s harmless. A deadbeat, but harmless.” Jace shakes his head, and with his helmet still on it looks like a warning, even though I know he’s just expressing his disappointment.

“You got a better idea?” I spread my arms wide, inviting him to speak up. It’s a dick gesture, but if he doesn’t have a solution he shouldn’t say anything.

“Tell him you’re moving your mom,” Trevor says with a shrug. “If he can’t find her, then he’ll lose the only source of sympathy he’s got left, right? That might scare him into leaving you alone.”

“Why does she even care about him, anyway? He left her high and dry after losing their money,” Nick scoffs.

Unbeknownst to Ma, Dad started pulling money out of their savings to bet on my events when I was just a kid. I was the one to beat from a young age, and he saw a way to make a quick buck. It was a good scheme for a while, until he bet too much on a competition I ended up losing .

Jace’s dad, who was my coach, helped Ma save the house, but eventually I moved in with them so I could train full-time while I finished school. That’s about when Dad turned into a drunk as well as a gambler, yet instead of hating him, Ma just felt sorry for him.

“I guess she thinks losing his family was enough punishment, which makes me think you might be onto something, Trevor.”

“Me?” Trevor points at his chest.

“Yeah. Did he really lose us if he knows where to find her? If I threaten to take that away maybe he’ll stop chasing me.”

“Your mom will never go for that.” Jace shakes his head again.

“Can’t hurt to ask. Otherwise, I’ll be doing this hiding shit forever.”

“Are you sure you want to change things up now?” Nick asks.

“I mean, right now he’s a nuisance, and when he does make contact with your mom it’s generally harmless.

But if you change the status quo and he doesn’t know how to find your mom, how will he react?

How will you react? If he’s making you lose focus just by being a nuisance, things could get worse than skidding off the trail if he doesn’t take the news well. ”

Nick makes a good point, which is a whole other mindfuck considering there’s no part of this conversation that’s real.

I should come clean. Tell them I’m all up in my head over a hookup, not my dad.

I could probably even leave out the part about Lennon being a guy so long as I confess there isn’t a reason for us all to be on edge.

But even revealing part of my secret will lead to questions I don’t want to answer yet.

Questions that will force me to think of the future in a way I’ve never had to do before. And I’m not ready.

“No time like the present, isn’t that what they say?

” The words taste sour on my tongue, but if the guys knew the extent of my thoughts about Lennon, my career, they might insist on leaving, thinking that distance will solve the problem.

Maybe it would, but I’m holding out hope Lennon isn’t so freaked out by that kiss that he goes into hiding, and if I leave now, I’ll never know.