Page 48

Eliana

“ Y our heart’s beating a million miles a minute,” I state, my ear pressed to Jake’s chest as he wraps my loose curls around his finger.

“That’s because I have a pretty girl curled up next to me. Whenever she’s around, my mind and body go crazy.” Jake smirks, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head.

“Good deflection. You sure it has nothing to do with the Hockey East championships tonight?”

His eyes wander around his bedroom, never meeting mine. “Nope, I’m as cool as a cucumber.”

Knowing better than to push someone when they were about to go through one of the biggest moments of their lives, I let it be. “Well, I know you’re going to kill it tonight, but if you want to talk, I’m here.”

We lay in silence long enough for me to slowly fade into sleep, when his voice brings me back. “What if I cost us the game?”

Of all the things he could’ve said about tonight, this was the last thing I would’ve expected.

It had taken a while, but Jake had slowly let me in on all his insecurities over the past few months.

How he felt like the black sheep of his family, how he didn’t want to be known as just another athlete who had nothing else going for him.

In all the moments he had opened up, he had never once doubted his skills as a hockey player.

He was one of the few members of Westchester’s team that was already drafted to the NHL and would be signing his contract at the end of this season.

He had no reason to doubt his abilities and yet here he was.

“Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know. It just feels like so much is riding on this game.

More than usual. We haven’t made it this close to qualifying for the Frozen Four or even making it to the Hockey East Championship in years.

Everyone’s hungry for it. We’ve been going hard practice after practice, game after game.

But nothing’s guaranteed. One stupid decision is all it takes to cost us this game.

This could be my last game with the boys.

And I don’t know how to process that. And I don’t always find it easy to keep my head composed when we play against Bolton. ”

As if a championship game wasn’t enough pressure, this one happened to be against our biggest rivals.

Not only that but the last time the two teams had played against each other, Jake had mentioned how hard it was for him to hold back his temper.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also scared of what would happen again when Jake faced off with the same players.

“I believe in you. You’re one of the best, if not the best, players on the team.

And beyond that, you’re one of the most incredible human beings I know.

I’ve never felt so supported, cared for, and loved until I met you.

” I pause for a moment to let my words sink in.

“You’ve been able to keep your temper in check multiple times on the ice.

Even when someone was running their mouth about me. Don’t underestimate yourself. ”

“I appreciate that. I’ll be sure to score two goals tonight just for you.” He kisses my cheek.

“Only two?” I tease.

“Fine. How about a whole hat trick? Is that better?”

“Yeah I think that will do.” I take his face into my hands. “You’re going to do amazing, Jake. I know it.”

His eyes soften, and he turns his head so he can kiss my palm. “Thank you. I needed that.”

“And if it helps to keep you motivated, I’d just like to remind you that I’ll be decked out in your jersey tonight.”

“Mmm that is incredibly motivating.” He shifts us so I’m pressed under him and buries his head into my neck. “Give me one good reason not to rip your clothes off and bury my tongue into your tight little pussy right now?”

The room heats up twenty degrees. “You have to leave for the pregame meeting in like 15 minutes?”

His blue eyes darken. “You think I’ll need that long to make you come?”

“No, but I do think the odds of us losing track of time are high and the last thing I want is to be the reason why you get in trouble with your coaches for being late.”

“You’re right. I am pretty irresistible.” He presses a rough kiss to my lips, long enough to leave me breathless, before pulling away. Tracing my bottom lip with his thumb he whispers, “To be continued.”

I lay paralyzed in bed as he heads to the bathroom to get ready. My current state of bliss is ruined by the sound of Jake’s phone ringing. I lean over to silence it when I recognize the number flashing on his screen. What the hell was going on? A pit forms in my stomach as I accept the call. “Mom?”

“Oh, Eliana. I wasn’t expecting you to answer. I’ll call back later.”

I debate just letting it go, but she’s met Jake once and there’s no way they magically bonded overnight. I know she’ll be annoyed at me for asking about her personal business. Still, I can’t help myself.

“Don’t hang up. When did you get Jake’s number?” My question unintentionally comes out a bit terse.

“We exchanged numbers that day he drove Josie back home following the Christmas trip. I…” She trails off, sounding nervous.

“Oh.” This is so confusing. She had basically told me he was a distraction. I know I encouraged her to get to know him more…but something about this whole situation feels super off.

“Yes. You see...I have to admit, I misjudged him. I was just calling to tell him how much I’ve appreciated his generosity over the last few weeks.

It’s rare to find a man who’s willing to help out a single mother without asking for anything in return.

That certainly has never been my experience.

I was a bit hesitant to accept the money in the first place, but he insisted the two of you had already discussed it and agreed?—"

“Wait, what are you talking about?” She may as well have been speaking in gibberish.

My mom’s silence lasts long enough for me to check whether we got disconnected. “Oh no. You didn’t know, did you?”

“Know what? What do you mean he sent you money? How much did he send you?” My voice rises with each question.

The room starts spinning, and it feels like my lungs have stopped taking in oxygen. So that’s why she didn’t need me anymore. Didn’t need my money. She had found it elsewhere. I suppose that part wasn’t shocking, I had suspected as much. But the fact that it was Jake made my stomach turn.

“Just check in with Jake. And try not to be so hard on him. His heart was in the right place. I have to head to work, but we’ll talk more later. Bye, my love. ”

I can’t bring myself to respond, though I am able to pull myself together enough to no longer feel sick and confused.

Instead, I just felt angry. Why did Jake go behind my back?

Why did he lie and tell my mom that this was also my idea?

What was he trying to prove? Did he not think I could handle it on my own?

I had more questions than I could even wrap my brain around, and unfortunately for Jake, by the time he came out of the bathroom, my anger and confusion had only festered.

My emotions must have been written all over my face because he immediately put up his hands in defense, a small smile on his face. “Whatever I did, I would just like to apologize ahead of time and say that you are right about everything and look incredibly beautiful even when you’re angry.”

Normally, his charms would get me to crack ever so slightly, but now I felt like a wall of steel, nearly impenetrable to whatever would get thrown my way. “So how much money do I owe you now?”

“What are you talking about?” Confusion washes over his face.

“You missed a call when you were in the bathroom. From my mom.”

He lets out a sigh. “And what did she say?”

“Oh ya’ know. she just wanted to check in and wish you luck on your game,” I snap. “What do you think she said?”

“I was going to tell you, I promise. I just wanted to find the right time.”

“Now seems like as good a time as any. How long has this been going on?“

“It started a few days after we left your home in Providence. I gave her my phone number and told her I’d be willing to help out financially if she needed it, especially if it meant lessening the burden you were putting on yourself and helping Josie out too.

It just felt like the right thing to do. ” He shrugs.

“How much have you given her?”

“20,000 to help pay off the mortgage on her condo. I also offered to pay her a couple thousand dollars monthly for other expenses, but she refused. She just wanted to have her loans paid off and the rest she felt like she could handle.” My skin must have turned pale because he immediately jumped to minimize what he’d done.

“I promise it’s fine. Doesn’t even put a dent in my trust fund. ”

Jake’s words of reassurance do anything but. They just remind me how different we are. Twenty thousand dollars was life-changing for my family, but for him, it was nothing. “It’s going to take me a really long time to be able to pay you back.”

His jaw ticks in irritation. “What do you mean pay me back? I did this so you wouldn’t have to worry about working extra to support your family, not so you’d be indebted to me.”

“Jake, I’m not just going to let my mom take money from your family.”

“I promise they won’t care. They know how privileged they are not to have to worry about money. They donate to families in need all the ti—”, he stops himself, likely noticing the blind rage in my eyes.

“So we’re just another charity case to you!”

“I acknowledge how bad that came out. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Well you wouldn’t be the first person to think that. Between the Bolton player, and my mom when she first met you, I’m sure everyone on this side of the Charles river thinks I’m only with you because of your money.”

“Who cares what people think? I did this because I love you. And when I love someone, I also love all the people that are important to them and will do whatever I can to help. ”

His words soften some of the tension that’s built up in my body, but the rage boiling in my stomach is mixing with my insecurities.

Together they’re a deadly combination. “I just don’t get why you didn’t talk to me first. I had the situation under control, and I hate that your solution is to just throw money at the problem. .”

I regret the words immediately, especially the way they make him flinch.

“That’s unfair and you know it.” He looks at me, eyes practically begging me to take it back.

The silence consuming the room is suffocating.

Jake takes a deep breath, eyes shut, until his phone goes off again.

“Shit. I need to leave now, or I’m going to be late. ”

Jake throws his closet door open, slings his gym bag over his shoulder, and walks over to me. “I love you. This isn’t over. And we’ll talk more after the game.”

He presses a soft kiss to the top of my head and my heart tugs at the disappointment on his face that I don’t lean into his embrace like I normally would.

I know my reaction caught him off guard, but after spending a majority of my life fending for myself and doing whatever I could to keep my family afloat, the last thing I wanted was for someone to view me as incapable of taking care of myself and my family.

Jake never said those exact words, and as I slowly calmed myself down, I knew he would never think that of me.

But in the moment that’s exactly what I had felt.

My relationship with my mom was beyond complicated.

And while I constantly wished that I could just have a typical parent-child relationship with her, that wasn’t what I knew.

Wasn’t my normal. Over the years, supporting my family became more than just an obligation, it became a part of my identity.

I was dependable and reliable, and you never had to question whether or not I would make sacrifices for my family.

But if my family didn’t need me anymore, what would I do?

Who was I if not a provider? The question was swirling around my head the entire time I was fighting with Jake.

And instead of being able to appreciate what he had done for my family, what he had done for me , all I could think about was, who is Eliana Jasper if not the girl who puts everyone else’s needs above her own?

I had no idea how to answer that question. And that’s what scared me the most.