Page 63 of Only You

Washington, D.C.

Dani shot up from her bed, clutching her bed sheets and breathing heavily.

Her body shook uncontrollably as she reached out to turn on the bedside lamp.

She knocked several things over in the process as she struggled with the switch.

The room flooded with light just as her door swung open, making her jump.

‘What’s wrong?’ Riley stood in the doorway, holding a broom in her hand, bonnet askew. The sight made Dani laugh, even though she was sure her own bonnet had fallen off during the night as well. ‘What?’ Riley snapped.

‘Why do you have a broom?’

‘I thought someone broke in!’

‘Oh, um, no.’ She glanced awkwardly at the mess on the floor ‘I just dropped some things while turning on the light.’ Sliding out of her bed, she crouched down to pick up her phone along with a couple pens and a bottle of lotion, checking under her bed for anything else.

She tried to place them on her bedside table, but her hands didn’t want to co-operate, her belongings falling through her shaky grip.

Growling, Riley snatched the items up and slammed them on the bedside table, making Dani jump from the sharp sound in the quiet room. ‘Okay, what is wrong with you? You have been weird as fuck for a while. This is more than you just being Cave Dani.’

‘I’m fine,’ Dani insisted. ‘Honest. It was a bad dream. That’s all.’

Riley rolled her eyes. ‘You always have weird dreams and while I would usually insist on knowing what happened, I’m too tired tonight. I have an exam tomorrow. Call your therapist or something.’ She stood and turned off the light. ‘Next time, freak out quieter.’

Dani kept her mouth shut as her cranky friend left.

Tomorrow, she would tell Riley what was going on.

Or maybe she wouldn’t because she doubted someone as straightforward as her would believe she was part of a reincarnation love story.

That may be more of Talia’s speed; she wrote fanfiction whenever she was stressed out.

Grabbing her phone, she pulled the covers over her head, squinting as she turned on the screen. It was 2:03 a.m. Talia could still be up, but she couldn’t bring herself to go to her friend’s room. She could barely focus beyond remembering she was alive and breathing. Everything was okay.

She threw off her covers, stuffing her feet into a pair of sneakers and grabbing a denim jacket as she headed to the attic.

According to the landlords, it was supposed to be off limits, but Riley had jimmy-rigged the lock a long time ago.

The door opened easily, and she went to the window, climbing outside and onto the roof.

Tiles dug into her legs as she sat and stared at the sky.

There weren’t many visible stars but there were enough to be comforting, lifting some of the weight from her memories.

Not just Demir and Selene, but everyone’s.

She reminisced on all the small touches, the conversations, all the lines they’d crossed to have a piece of something .

So many moments someone could’ve said yes but refused.

So many chances that were never taken, all because of fears that didn’t even matter in the end.

She brought her knees to her chest, burying her face as sobs wracked her body, remorse and heartache crashing over her.

The remorse of unspoken words was too much to bear. To know that she would have to carry their regrets for the rest of her life felt like too much of a responsibility to survive. There was no winning.

Another crappy consolation prize.

A laugh broke through her sobs as she recalled her bass lesson with Jones.

The phrase had become a catchphrase for them, something that made accepting everything that was happening just a tad easier.

They said it for the tiniest inconveniences, news headlines or just funny moments they saw.

The worst moments of her day had soon become the most bearable, most understandable because it could have been worse, and it wasn’t yet.

She felt a familiar swell of longing fill her chest and for the first time, it hit her how ridiculous she was being.

If she had learned nothing else from her past lives, she knew it was better to do everything she could to be happy now instead of waiting for it to be perfect.

Just like Jones, Dr Castillo, and her friends had been telling her.

After all, avoiding her feelings hadn’t solved anything and, even if there was a slim chance it did, it didn’t change that she was in love with him.

‘All right, universe, you win,’ she whispered through the tears, a half-moon the only witness as she promised, ‘Never again.’

Jones sat on a bench at the edge of the Meridian Hill Park, basking in the beauty of a lovely day.

Jair, on the other hand, sat on the top of the bench, his feet planted on the seat and his eyes glued to his phone as Jones watched people pass by, walking along the crisscrossing pathways.

The clouds above them moved languidly across the sky, and sunlight glinted off the fountain in the middle of the park, shining like a beacon.

While he didn’t venture outside often, he liked to stop at the park whenever he could.

It felt like the world slowed down just for a while.

‘Okay, I’m thinking we can knock out the rest of the soundtrack on Sunday and Monday. Everyone should be available then except for Tim,’ Jair said, sighing. ‘We really need a new bassist. Dude is never available until the middle of the week or the dead of night.’

‘We all know Tim is nocturnal.’

‘Doesn’t make him any less of a pain,’ Jair mumbled, tucking his phone in his pocket. He seemed to contemplate something before speaking again. ‘I could see if he can come in on Thursday and record separately but that means we’ll have to rearrange the sessions…’

It was easy to tell that’s what Jair wanted, even if he had the decency to pretend otherwise. Jones sighed good-naturedly before giving in.

‘Let Tim relax. I’ll cover bass for him,’ he said.

‘Thanks, man.’ Jair dapped him up. ‘Aye, I’ll make sure to put a little extra on top of your cheque for it.’

‘Damn right.’ Jones smirked before wincing at a sudden pressure that filled his chest. For a moment, his entire body ached to the point where he could barely move, head-splitting pain falling over him.

‘Hey, you all right, man?’ Jair spoke, but his voice seemed far away. Jones gritted his teeth as he tried to breathe. ‘Jones, what’s wrong? Jones!’

‘Huh?’ His eyes snapped open, the sudden pain dissipating like a memory. Jair looked at him with wide, panicked eyes. ‘What the hell just happened?’

‘Nothing, nothing,’ Jones said, still trying to catch his breath. ‘Just these random headaches. I’m seeing my doctor soon anyway, so I’ll ask him about it then.’ This was not a lie, necessarily. He did have an upcoming doctor’s appointment.

His best friend looked at him sceptically for a moment. ‘You sure?’ ‘Yeah.’ He leaned back against the bench, relaxing his shoulders.

Jair’s brows furrowed but he kept a straight face. Was it messed up to gaslight his friend? Absolutely. But at this point it was almost instinctive. Only his parents knew the full extent of his condition, and he was determined to keep it that way.

‘You sure you’ll be good for the studio this weekend?’ Jair asked. ‘I can drag Tim there.’

‘Nah, I’m good. I’ll be fine. It’s just a routine thing,’ Jones reassured him.

Besides, I can’t afford to miss it .

‘All right, man, don’t scare me like that,’ Jair said, laughing awkwardly.

‘Gotta keep you on your toes, man.’ He grinned and Jair rolled his eyes but chuckled anyway, checking his phone.

‘Listen, I gotta head out, but I’ll catch you later. Let me know how it goes at the doctor’s.’ They dapped again, and his friend jumped off the bench. ‘And remind me to send you the info for the Ty Rivers project!’

‘I will,’ Jones called. Only when Jair was gone did he pull out his phone to set an alarm. He tried to ignore the number of reminders that cluttered his calendar; it was an eyesore.

A sense of dread filled him as he tucked his phone away, and he considered cancelling the appointment. He already knew the outcome. His body was no good, and it wasn’t getting better.

Clasping his hands together, he rested his chin on them, his elbows digging into his legs. He didn’t know how long he could keep doing this.

You need a plan! He bit the inside of his cheek as his mum’s worried voice cut through all the noise in his head. You keep running around like this, you’re going to drop dead .

‘I’m fine,’ he muttered, leaning his head against the back of the bench, and tilting his head towards the sky.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air.

The smell of grass and leaves was glorious after the humid summer.

Trees rustled with the wind and the birds chirped as they flew off for winter.

It was a beautiful symphony. He didn’t need to linger on the thought of not being able to enjoy it one day.

He was here now, he’d likely still be there tomorrow, and that’s all that mattered. There was nothing else to worry about.

A camera shutter went off, and someone frantically cursed under their breath. He peeked, and smiled, sitting up as Dani sheepishly made her way over to him.

‘I can’t remember the last time a camera shutter got someone in trouble outside of a TV show,’ he said as she sat next to him.

‘I didn’t tell you? I, uh, got a new phone.’ She looked at the ground, refusing to meet his gaze directly.

He eyed the little nicks along the phone’s case and smirked. ‘So, you wanted me to be one of the first pictures on your “new” phone?’

‘No!’ She clamped her mouth shut, and he couldn’t help but laugh at the denial. Huffing, she hid her phone under her arm, still not looking at him. ‘The phone isn’t that new,’ she explained.