Page 52 of Only You

Detroit

Demir splashed water on his face as he tried to catch his breath.

Practice was kicking his ass today. After his last few victories, he thought he would be bouncing around the ring in excitement; instead, he felt the same way he had the first time he started fighting: in way over his head.

He groaned in frustration and exhaustion, gripping the sink.

Why am I here?

It was a question he rarely asked himself anymore.

He’d finally reached a point when he had enough money to rent an apartment and buy food.

He’d buried the question deeper once he started garnering respect as a boxer.

While he didn’t care about the fame, the security was something he couldn’t part with, not when he didn’t have to worry about his next meal, and it allowed him to postpone seeing his aunt until Christmas.

Now, the question lingered in the hollow look of his eyes.

Every ring looked the same and he could barely keep up.

He could no longer remember which fight was for cash and which one went to his record.

It didn’t matter; they all hurt the same.

His hands shook, but he clenched them into fists, staring into the mirror. He needed to get back to practice.

Just a few more minutes , he thought, hands already itching to be free from the gloves.

‘Fucking exhausted,’ Jack declared. He stumbled inside his apartment, reeking of gin, and Demir followed, Selene guiding him as he limped along.

The match was rougher than usual. While he could have knocked his opponent out in the first three minutes, Mackie hated paying for fights fewer than three rounds.

Unfortunately for him, the challenger was more adaptable than he expected, and the fight had lasted all twelve rounds before going to a decision.

It was only mildly satisfying that he’d won.

Demir headed to the couch, Selene holding him steady as she helped him ease down onto the cushions. He groaned, leaning his head against the wall behind.

‘I’ll get you some water,’ she muttered, heading to the kitchen where Jack was going through the cabinets.

‘Did we run out of booze?’ he slurred.

Demir heard Selene sigh tiredly, the sound of cabinets closing following. ‘You don’t need any more,’ she told him. ‘You’ve had enough for everyone tonight. Go sleep it off.’

‘Fuck, I was going to put the bottle in your suitcase,’ he said.

‘You will not have my clothes smelling like liquor,’ she sneered as the two stepped into the doorway. ‘And we might not be able to leave tomorrow. You’ll be hungover.’

‘Oh, no.’ Jack waved his finger clumsily before cornering her against the wall. ‘I’m not missing a single day of this trip. It’s a celebration.’

‘It’s not,’ she said, pushing him aside to head to the bedroom. Jack looked at her in surprise before following. ‘Not yet.’

‘Keep your voice down,’ she hissed, the pair disappearing.

Slowly, Demir closed his eyes, too exhausted to do anything else.

It wasn’t until he heard a soft thud on the table in front of him that he realised he’d dozed off.

His eyes snapped open, body tense and fists up.

He relaxed when he saw it was only Selene setting a cup of water down on the table in front of him, the moonlight from the window making her partially visible.

He wanted to thank her, but that was quickly followed by the urge to tell her to sit down so they could talk all night before she left him for a week. It was a dumb idea; it wouldn’t change the inevitable.

After the night they saw Charlie Parker, he realised something.

Despite all his guilt over Nora, he didn’t regret how he felt about Selene.

What else could he have done? She was captivating and too smart for her own good.

She drew him in from across a room. She made him think of too many things that scared and excited him.

He wanted her more than he should and couldn’t find a way to stop.

So, when her gaze met his in the moonlight and he saw the tenderness in her eyes, he did what came naturally.

He leaned forward.

Selene froze as his lips met hers, his hand tracing her cheekbone.

Part of him was scared to touch her more, to move beyond the softness of the moment.

Reason told him that he shouldn’t be doing this, that Jack was only a few metres away, but it quickly quieted as Selene relaxed into the kiss.

She placed her hand on his arm, leaning more into the embrace.

Ever so slightly, her lips parted, allowing him to deepen the kiss as she shifted until she was kneeling on the edge of the couch, leaning over him.

Their lips created a quiet rhythm in the dark, only hinting at the intensity of the moment.

Demir let his hands explore her hair, her spine, the curve of her face, the waist he had desperately wished to wrap his arm around so many times, and Selene seemed just as eager to touch him. Her hand gripped the collar of his shirt, the other stroking his arm as she slid her tongue against his.

He straightened, dragging her onto his lap so they could be chest to chest. It felt good to be wrapped up in each other, melding into the night so easily.

She was like a star – or was she like the moon as her name suggested?

Something that shone bright while he twinkled away in the back, so far and yet so close.

She placed her hand on his cheek before gently pulling away.

They panted against each other’s lips, and he leaned in to taste her breath again.

She let him steal two more kisses before placing a hand on his chest to stop him, and then she slipped off his lap.

He could barely see her as she left, footsteps fading as she disappeared down the hall.

He let his hands fall from where they once held her, touching his lips absentmindedly; they still buzzed from her touch.

He lay down, unable to stop the smile that came to his face. He had seen people high on angel dust with pupils blown and a wicked grin on their face. If someone saw him now, he imagined he’d look the same.

He stared at the ceiling until his eyes were too exhausted to stay open, his mind replaying the moment until it finally surrendered to sleep.

A couple days after Selene and Jack left for their trip, Demir found himself at his aunt’s apartment for dinner.

It was a visit he tried to do every few months, equally out of love and obligation.

Perhaps, it was the talk him and Selene had a while back, but the ugly memories weren’t constantly marching around his head like they usually did.

Instead, he savoured the scent of food wafting from the kitchen, remembering when his aunt would cook dinner.

He remembered her fussing over him at the table while his late uncle talked to him about ‘man stuff’ he wouldn’t understand for years to come.

He missed those days more than he wanted to admit.

‘Come on and sit down. Dinner’s almost done,’ Demir’s aunt instructed as she walked out to the table with a bowl of collard greens without so much as a glance towards him.

He sat at the table tucked in the corner opposite the stove and watched his aunt cook in thick silence.

She never listened to the radio, despite Demir scraping together enough money the first year after he moved out to buy them one in an attempt to prove he was fine.

Having grown up poor in the south before her family uprooted to D.C.

and then moving to Detroit, his aunt got suspicious when too much money went to one object.

It was more of his uncle’s preference. Demir turned it on every now and then when the quiet was overwhelming during visits but the longing in his aunt’s eyes burned guilt into his gut every time.

A few moments later, she placed two plates and two cups of water on the table, handing him a fork and knife. He accepted them and dug in, almost groaning at how good the food was. It was his favourite part of the visit; he’d deal with any awkward conversation for a bite of his aunt’s greens.

‘What did you do today?’ Her eyes were piercing.

He swallowed and wiped his mouth before answering. ‘Worked at Old Eddie’s bar mostly.’

‘And yesterday?’ she asked pointedly.

He smirked. ‘I won,’ he said smugly, enjoying the downturn of his aunt’s frown. He took a sip of water. He looked at the couch, spotting a newspaper on the arm rest of his uncle’s side of the couch ‘You still put out the newspaper?’

‘Every Sunday,’ she said breezily. ‘And had I not, I wouldn’t have seen your picture with Charlie Parker. You looked nice, except for your busted lip.’

‘It was a fun night.’

She scowled. ‘I can’t believe you’re still working for that white boy.’

‘With,’ he corrected. ‘And everyone works for some white boy.’

‘You could do more, or at least find something better than getting your face bashed in. Everything this family endured just for you to go fightin’.’

‘All they endured so I can make my own choices,’ Demir said calmly. ‘I told you I’m not arguing about it, Auntie.’

‘Then, at least tell me you have someone who makes you happy, someone that makes sure you’re not so alone in this world,’ she insisted.

His mind immediately flashed to Selene, to rooftops and moonlight and secrets and kisses and how much he missed her and how she was with someone else and how that was nothing new.

The last part hurt the most.

‘I have friends,’ he said instead, picking up his fork again. ‘But you don’t have to worry. I’ve always been fine on my own.’ His aunt huffed out a laugh.

Demir paused. ‘What?’