Page 23 of Only You

After all, her father wasn’t here to bear her decisions; only she was forced to do that.

A bitter laugh built up in her throat. All that fear and anger towards a man who was across the ocean.

She laid on her bed until she was sure the Laurents were gone.

Only then did she dare to go downstairs.

She was starving, not having eaten all afternoon.

She was on her way to the kitchen when Madame Roulet came across her.

‘Oh, Sabine, dear!’ Sabine resisted the urge to turn away as the woman gathered her in her arms. ‘It’s good to see you on your feet. Genevieve said that you came down with a sudden sickness.’

Sabine forced a smile, not wanting to risk a real dinner for an evening in bed with broth. ‘Luckily, it was merely a scare. I feel fine.’

‘Wonderful. Would you like to have an early dinner in the garden? The general will not be back tonight, and I have been craving a good game of croquet.’

‘Um… sure,’ Sabine agreed.

‘Fantastic,’ Madame Roulet exclaimed, looping her arm in Sabine’s.

Hours later, Sabine was full and sipping a glass of wine as she watched Madame Roulet whoop in joy as she scored another point. For the first time in weeks, she laughed, belly ache and all.

‘Good job, Madame,’ Sabine said as she set up her next shot.

‘Well, Madame Laurent , you can afford to be generous.’ Madame Roulet wiggled her brow suggestively before taking a drink of wine. Sabine ignored the comment; she knew Madame Roulet was excited about her getting married and she didn’t want to ruin the fun.

She looked around at the garden. A month from now she may not see it again, at least not for a long time.

She hated it here and yet this was the closest thing she had to a home, Madame Roulet the only person she could almost call a friend.

Everything and everyone she once had was gone and everything she gained would be lost too.

‘Why the long face, my dear?’

Sabine opened her mouth to say she was worried about the wedding but, instead, she asked, ‘Was he different?’

Madame Roulet’s shot was crooked, taken aback by the unexpected question. The hostess didn’t pay any attention to the skewed ball as she turned her gaze to Sabine.

‘Who, dear?’

‘Your husband,’ she clarified. ‘The general seems so straightforward, as if he’s always been this way so, I can’t help but wonder if it was ever otherwise.’

‘Of course,’ Madame Roulet said, putting her mallet down and joining Sabine at the table. ‘People are always going to change. Why?’

‘I—’ She was tongue-tied as she tried to find a way to explain her confusion without damning herself. Madame Roulet watched her struggle before joining her at the table, pouring herself a glass of wine.

‘You know,’ she said, ‘I always found it so fascinating that you never speak in your mother tongue, even a slip here and here. I speak a little English and Spanish, but I always found the simplest question hard to answer outside of French. Do you mind… demonstrating?’ Madame Roulet gestured for her to speak.

Sabine felt tears welling up but cleared her throat as she sat up.

She looked around, making sure they were alone, before speaking.

‘ I’m terrified ,’ Sabine said in Fante.

‘ I have to live my life with a man that hates what I am, even if he ignores it. The love of my life is gone. My father has given me away to this country that belonged to a mother I wasn’t allowed to remember.

I am trapped and I don’t know how I will survive it . ’

Madame Roulet nodded slowly with a glazed look. It was bittersweet, saying the words out loud but it being a secret all the same. Madame Roulet took her hand, squeezing it tightly.

‘That’s a lovely language,’ she said. ‘And to answer your question earlier, people only grow into who they really are. My husband is above board and respectable, so much so that I couldn’t believe he wanted to marry me; I was quite rambunctious, as I’m sure you realise.

’ Madame Roulet’s smile fell, and her gaze grew distant.

‘When we realised I couldn’t bear children, he should have left me.

At the least, have found a mistress because important men must have a legacy.

Instead, he simply told me that he dealt with enough children with the military.

’ She giggled fondly at the memory. ‘It should have bothered me or surprised me, but it didn’t.

By the time our marriage was tested, I knew who he was.

He had shown loyalty and patience a thousand times over…

’ Madame Roulet took her hand. ‘I truly hope you and Lamont find love. Despite what everyone says, it makes it much easier to fight for something when it matters.’

Sabine swallowed around the lump in her throat. She already knew who Lamont was; had noticed it when they first met. She already knew she couldn’t love or fight for him. The only one she could fight for was long gone.

‘You know, you look like you could really stretch your legs,’ Madame Roulet said. ‘I suggest a quick walk before dinner. It does wonders for your health. Why, I always feel refreshed after walking through the Luxembourg Gardens.’

Sabine knew she should go on with the charade, say that she simply couldn’t before giving in to Madame Roulet’s insistence. But she was tired of pretending, so she merely said, ‘Thank you.’

Madame Roulet gave her a pitying smile, squeezing her hand before letting go. ‘Go on, then. You want to get back before dark,’ she urged. Sabine got up immediately and got her coat, slipping out the house before a maid or Cadieux could stop her.

The first few steps outside were calm. Then, she realised she was granted freedom, if only momentarily.

She picked her skirt up and rushed away.

Her heart beat more and more frantically the further she got from the house.

Her mind clashed with the pure instinct to run and the knowledge that it was only a temporary fix. Yet, she couldn’t go back, not yet.

Navigating the maze of streets was easy.

There were shops upon shops that were familiar, but she didn’t want to see anyone that would recognise her, instead heading towards the Seine River.

A cool wind caressed her face as she walked along the banks.

It was a nice autumn day, golden leaves scattered along the shore, the sky a bright blue.

She tilted her head back, eyes slowly closing.

What she would give to stay in that moment… ‘Princess!’

Sabine’s eyes shot open, and she looked over her shoulder, freezing as she saw Damien strolling her way. He seemed so different, and it took a moment to realise he wasn’t wearing his uniform. Instead, he wore a brown day suit and boots. For a moment, she wondered if she were simply imagining him.

‘Should I wonder why Cadieux is nowhere to be found?’ Damien asked, only a few feet away.

The simple question brought Sabine back to her reality, and she scowled before walking away from him.

‘Sabine, wait.’ She ignored him as she headed across the bridge. She didn’t know what she did to anger God to give her such a bad day but she wasn’t going to take it. She heard Damien’s footsteps and wasn’t surprised when he pulled her to a stop. She pounded her fist against his chest.

‘Where the hell have you been?’ she snapped. ‘I’ve been waiting to hear from you for weeks and all of a sudden you show up now? What is wrong with you?’

‘I’m sorry—’

She pushed him, and Damien grabbed her arms, pulling her into his chest, her face a hair’s breadth away from his. Yet, he wasn’t angry. If anything, he looked remorseful as he tightened his grip on her arms. She struggled against him.

‘Get off of me, you coward!’

‘Roulet kicked me out.’

She immediately stopped fighting and stared at him in shock. ‘ What? ’

‘He saw me comforting you in the garden last time I visited. He forced me to go back to the caserns and stay there. There was no way for me to contact you,’ he explained.

‘B–But you left me a letter. I wrote back to you several times. You didn’t answer!’

‘Roulet made me write it. I answered your letters, I swear, but I see they never made it.’

It took the wind out of her anger, forcing her to swallow the bitterness of the situation.

There was a chance that he could be lying to her, but the disappearance felt out of character for him.

If he truly thought it was over, he would look her right in the eye and tell her so.

He protected her feelings, but he didn’t lie to her.

She felt a small flutter of hope as she looked him in the eye. ‘So…’

‘I didn’t abandon you. Not on purpose. I wanted to come back. I just didn’t know how,’ he explained.

It felt like a curtain being lifted. Weeks of being distraught at the thought of him no longer being in her life, leaving her, only to find out it wasn’t him running away. He’d kept his word. She was right about him.

She took a shuddering breath as she leaned on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and she closed her eyes tightly, barely holding back her tears of relief.

She twisted her hands into his jacket, hoping he wouldn’t let her go anytime soon.

He kissed the top of her head and her shoulders relaxed.

It was good to be home.

‘What are you doing out here by yourself? I heard Cadieux was trailing your every move,’ he murmured against her hair.

‘Madame Roulet suggested I take a walk.’ Sabine fiddled with one of his brass buttons. ‘Truth be told, she’s the only thing keeping me sane these days.’

‘Lamont?’

‘And his mother,’ she said. ‘It’s like being frozen slowly. I try to imagine living with them and it’s just… it’ll be impossible.’

She felt Damien sigh, but he didn’t say anything. She was glad he didn’t. She wouldn’t be able to handle him telling her she could survive when all she desired was a chance to live for herself. She nuzzled her cheek against his chest before daring to open her eyes.