Page 59 of Only You

‘I’ll do it.’ Nora beckoned the bartender over and ordered a round of old fashioneds for the trio.

Demir shifted on his feet, unable to remain still in the awkwardness. Times like this he missed boxing; no one there expected him to socialise. It wasn’t until he started hanging out with Haze, who seemed to know someone everywhere he went, that he noticed how bad he was at it.

‘Mackie misses you,’ Nora said suddenly. ‘Jack’s new fighter is fine enough, but he lacks your confidence. And record.’

‘Oh,’ he responded as the bartender dropped off their drinks.

She looked him up and down before giggling. ‘What’s got you so on edge?’

‘I’m, uh, performing. Tonight.’ Demir motioned to the stage.

She paused before her cup could meet her lips, eyes lighting up. ‘That’s amazing!’ Suddenly, her smile fell. ‘Oh, God. I hope that’s not why he invited me tonight.’

Demir was taken aback by the words. ‘Wow.’

‘No, no.’ She shook her hand quickly. ‘I’m happy for you, honest. I was just… hoping for a different intention.’

He raised an eyebrow before looking out over the crowd for Haze. He spotted him talking to one of the other poets. However, instead of being focused on the conversation, he kept looking their way while running his hands through his slicked back hair, hands stuffed in his pockets when he wasn’t.

‘You guys are together,’ Demir concluded.

Nora sighed, taking another sip. ‘Not really. We’ve just been hanging out.’

‘Like us?’

‘Ha,’ Nora barked out. ‘No. I’ve learned my lesson.’ ‘Does he know about us?’

‘Yeah. I told him that it wasn’t serious but maybe he’s testing out the theory.’ Nora touched up her hair, a nervous habit she had, and Demir returned his attention to his equally nervous friend.

He was very familiar with jealous men, whether it was the audience in his matches or guys like Jack who glared at anyone who looked at their girl.

Nothing about Haze had been resentful or possessive.

The moment Demir said he wanted to perform, Haze pulled all the strings he could to get him on stage.

They practised together and he pushed Demir beyond his comfort zone.

He also knew how annoyingly good Haze was at noticing details, ready with advice on how to fix a problem at any given moment.

Suddenly, a wave of clarity hit him, and the corner of his lip turned up.

‘No,’ Demir said. ‘Haze is a good guy. He doesn’t hold onto stuff like that. If anything, he’s probably seeing if we’re okay. And we are.’

Nora stared at him, tilting her head as if she didn’t quite recognise him. Maybe she no longer did, but he was okay with that. He preferred it.

‘Always a good guy.’

Demir shrugged. ‘Trying to be. But he’s better.’

Nora smiled gently as she reached out to take his hand. ‘Well, in that case, I can’t wait to hear your poem.’ She squeezed it just as Haze returned.

‘All good?’

‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Now, let’s go find a good seat.’

The wait for his turn was agonising. The trio sat in the middle of the crowd, snapping after each performer.

Nora and Haze murmured to each other throughout the night, but it didn’t bother Demir; he was too busy trying to calm his nerves.

He tried to picture a boxing ring, but he wasn’t trying to just survive this.

This was a different type of fear and by the time they called his name, he wasn’t sure whether or not he would run out the door.

He took a deep breath, holding it as he walked up to the stage.

He only released it when he got to the mic, wincing when it picked up the sound.

He wasn’t sure where to put his hands and could barely look higher than the edge of the stage, the spotlight making everyone else invisible, only intimidating him more.

The sudden silence made his throat tighten up, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes.

Though his mind calmed a little at the sudden darkness, his thoughts raced as he tried to figure out what the hell he was doing up here.

Tell her the truth.

The words were Haze’s but as he eased his eyes open, he could imagine Selene sitting at the edge of the crowd with the same nervous energy she’d had on the rooftop all those nights ago. With that vision, his heart calmed, and he felt he could breathe.

Then, he spoke to her, told her all the dreams he’d had for them, how much he savoured every second beside her.

He allowed himself to be mad at her. He gave in to wanting her to come back.

The only truth he kept for himself was how much he loved her.

By the time he left the stage, the crowd snapping with a couple enthusiastic hoots, he pretended he wasn’t disappointed she wasn’t there.

He headed to the back door, trying not to look off-put by the compliments he got on his way outside.

It was strange being praised for something so personal to him.

The snowfall greeted him the moment he stepped out.

He took a deep breath, letting the winter air fill his lungs before slowly letting it out, his restlessness leaving with it.

Pulling out his cigarettes, he brought one to his mouth and lit it.

His sigh created a cloud in the chilly night air just as the back door opened again.

‘Mind sparing one of those?’

Demir turned quickly to the familiar voice, his eyes going over her head at first before landing on Selene.

He caught himself before his jaw could fully drop.

She looked beautiful as always but subdued in a black wrap dress instead of one of her more colourful dresses under her grey winter coat.

She leaned against the wall, seemingly relaxed but the awkward shift of her feet told him much more.

‘Hi,’ she said, sounding just as breathless as he felt.

‘Hey.’ He opened his mouth to say more, but he couldn’t formulate a sentence, still caught up in the surprise of seeing her.

She rubbed her arms before crossing them with an expectant arch of her brow. ‘I’m still waiting, you know.’

‘Oh.’ He quickly searched his pockets for his cigarettes before holding the box out to her.

She gingerly took one, reaching into her own pocket for matches.

He watched as she lit the end, taking a couple of drags.

If someone walked by, they would think they were strangers – and perhaps, they were again.

It was an odd realisation. One day, she would be someone he no longer knew.

She might already be, since he had no clue why she was currently mere feet from him instead of in bed with Jack.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.

‘I ran into Haze a few days ago,’ she said, talking through the smoke that drifted out of her mouth. ‘He told me about your show and said to invite Jack along.’

‘He didn’t want to come?’

‘I didn’t tell him,’ she confessed. ‘He’s not ready to talk to you like an actual adult. I figured tonight wouldn’t be the best time to try.’ Demir hummed in appreciation, glad that Selene always had better judgement out of the two.

‘You did great,’ she added.

‘Oh,’ he said, his nerves returning, feeling too exposed under her eyes. He fought the urge to look away, instead doubling down as he asked, ‘You heard the whole thing?’

‘I think I missed the first couple of lines, but it doesn’t matter.’ She stepped carefully towards him, stuffing her hands in her pockets. ‘I think the last part would’ve been my favourite either way. It was quite insightful.’

Demir swallowed nervously as he recalled the last few lines of his poem.

My throat is still dry with the words I’m hiding

Waiting for when you’ll touch the edge of my lip

And say, ‘Your tongue is bleeding.’

‘The hardest part to write,’ he told her.

She looked at the wall as she asked, ‘Hard time finding the words?’

He shook his head at her guess, her sombre eyes making him brave enough to be honest. ‘I had a hard time being honest with myself. And you, metaphorically.’

She bit her lip and bowed her head, her hair almost brushing his chest. ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘You said that last time,’ he reminded her.

She sighed, the puff of air rising to caress his cheeks, her words almost disappearing into the night. ‘I have so much to apologise for.’

He knew it was a bad idea, but he still lifted her chin, urging her to return her gaze to him.

She did and he was immediately brought back to all their stolen moments, all the things they should have never said to each other but did, stroking her cheek with his thumb, savouring the way her eyes threatened to close.

‘Only if you have nothing else to say,’ he said. ‘What are you doing here?’

She sighed, leaning into his touch, her eyes softening. ‘Being fickle and dramatic and probably stupid.’ She took his hand and took a deep breath. ‘Demir, I think I made a mistake.’

Before he could ask her what she meant, hope budding at the slightest chance that maybe she had changed her mind, a whistle cut through the alleyway. The pair looked towards the trio of drunken men at the end of it heading their way.

‘Hey, miss, lady,’ one of the men shouted. ‘It’s chilly out. Mind warming me up?’ Selene sneered at them before stepping towards them.

‘Look—’

‘Forget them.’ Demir grabbed her arm, shielding her from their eyes. ‘Let’s just go back inside. They’re drunk out of their minds.’

Selene was still glaring but nodded, heading towards the dance hall. Demir was right behind her when one of the men said, ‘Wait, is that Doomsday?’

Demir ignored them, but the loud one stepped in his way right between him and Selene. ‘It is the champ,’ he greeted, eyes blown. ‘We’ve missed you in the ring. Where you been?’

‘Retired,’ Demir answered, stepping around him.