Page 30 of Only You

Washington, D.C.

Dani jolted out of her sleep coughing, smoke searing her lungs.

She caught her breath as she realised that, rather than a burning villa, she was in her bed.

Hands shaking and heart thundering in her chest, her skin felt too tight.

The sudden rush of memories spun in her head; she closed her eyes, taking several deep breaths.

It’s not real , she told herself. It’s not real.

Yet, she couldn’t help but get out of bed to get some water to run over her hands.

The cold stung her but it was much better than the feeling of her skin burning.

Then she went to the kitchen and chugged ice-cold water until her stomach felt like it would burst, wishing she hadn’t talked her friends out of renting the house that had a pool. She would’ve jumped right in.

Returning to her room, she grabbed her phone from the nightstand.

It was two a.m. but Jones would answer. At this point, it was routine, waking up in the middle of the night, calling him, talking for an hour and then going back to sleep.

He was probably expecting her call. Yet, she couldn’t make herself press the call button.

She didn’t know what she would do if she heard his voice that held all the memories.

She closed her eyes as sobs wracked her chest. It was all true. The endings she avoided thinking about, the worst of her ‘dreams’, they really happened. She was going to die soon and Jones would, too. She pressed her face into her pillow to muffle the sound of her crying.

It was the beginning of the end.

Dani should have cancelled her counselling session.

She wasn’t fond of lying, but she was also not fond of being labelled crazy, as she knew she would be if she told the truth.

She huffed and crossed her arms. She had forgotten her stress ball in her room, so she had nothing to distract herself from the current storm raging in her mind.

She dug her nails into her palms, the stinging distracting her briefly from the helplessness, Sabine’s death still fresh on her mind.

‘How are we feeling today?’

‘Fine,’ Dani answered quickly, staring at the ceiling as if it would give her the answers she needed.

‘Did your concert go well?’

‘It went spectacularly,’ Dani said sarcastically.

Ironically, the concert did go spectacularly well. Dr Carver had eagerly approached her afterwards, ready to give her another solo for the next performance as well as offering to help her with her resumé for the New York Philharmonic. She was officially a favourite student.

‘And the dreams?’

‘The same.’

‘You seem tense today,’ Dr Castillo observed. ‘Things are tense,’ Dani snipped.

‘Like what?’

‘I really don’t feel like talking today,’ she grumbled, crossing her arms childishly.

‘Dani, could you look at me?’

She tilted her head to the side, just enough to make eye contact with the counsellor.

Dr Castillo put her notepad on the table next to her and leaned forward, piquing her curiosity.

The counsellor only did that when she was concerned.

‘That was the third time I asked you that set of questions, and you answered it the exact same way every time. Did you notice that?’

‘…No,’ she answered truthfully.

Dr Castillo nodded slowly before sitting back again, her bracelet clinging as she intertwined her fingers.

‘You’ve said in multiple sessions that you do not come here of your own volition.

It’s what your parents want out of concern for your mental state, but from what I can tell, you seem fine, Dani.

Yes, you have very vivid, repetitive dreams. Yet, they don’t affect your social life, your grades or your general outlook on life.

However, your life is more than your dreams. So, if you want to discuss something, this is also a great space for that. ’

Dani pressed her arms closer to her chest, holding herself tighter. She immediately remembered her conversation in the garden with Madame Roulet, telling her feelings in Fante and just being able to let it all out. Unfortunately, Dani was limited to English and the words were too heavy to hold.

‘I’m developing a bad habit,’ she said. ‘I’m… I have feelings for someone I shouldn’t.’

‘And why shouldn’t you have feelings for this person?’ Dr Castillo asked.

‘Because my life will end. As I know it,’ Dani added quickly. She couldn’t forget the space wasn’t completely safe. She scratched her knee nervously as Dr Castillo stared at her sceptically.

‘Is this person dangerous?’

‘No. He—’ Died in a fire trying to save me . She frowned, looking down at her lap. ‘He would never put me in harm’s way.’

‘Does he have habits you’re concerned about?’

‘No.’

‘Is he in a relationship?’

‘No.’

‘So, what makes you so sure that your life will “end as you know it”?’

‘Because it’s happened before. I’ve fallen in love with people, and it didn’t work out and there were consequences for it.

’ The answer begged for further explanation, but Dani was already toeing the line and she didn’t know how much more she could say without lying or creeping too close to the truth.

‘And yet, all these… consequences led you here,’ Dr Castillo pointed out. ‘You have friends, hobbies and are actively pursuing your dream to be a musician—’

‘Exactly! I love the life that I have right here, right now and don’t want it to change,’ Dani said, panic coating her voice. ‘I feel like one day I’ll wake up and have everything I want and then it’ll be over. How am I supposed to reconcile with that?’

‘I thought sleep and death were cousins.’ Dani scowled at the therapist throwing her words back at her. The therapist held her hands up in surrender before leaning forward. ‘What makes you so sure this one person will change everything?’

‘He already has,’ Dani admitted. ‘I’m different around him. I’m changing and the more I change, the more I want to see him. I talk to him every day and it’s not enough. I miss him in a way I’ve never missed anyone. Sometimes, it hurts to stay away from him.’

‘Well, while there can be a concern around the intensity of your feelings, I think you just answered your own question,’ Dr Castillo said. ‘You’ve just admitted that he makes you feel different than all the ones before, right?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So, he’s not the same as the other guys before him,’ she continued.

‘No. There are some distinct differences,’ Dani said reluctantly.

‘So, what’s to say that things can’t be different this time around?

That you won’t make the same mistakes. That the “ending” you see coming won’t be for the better?

More than likely, you’re not the same person you were when you pursued those other relationships.

So, instead of comparing him to the past, focus on the present.

Maybe he is just as bad as the ones before or maybe he’s exactly what you need.

The real question is: are you willing to find out? ’

Dani shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

Logically, her therapist was right. Even now, she couldn’t be sure since she only fully remembered one lifetime.

From what she remembered, none of her other lifetimes had previous memories but there was no denying the pattern.

So, now what? She looked at the clock that hung on the wall.

‘Times up, doc,’ Dani said. She grabbed her things and walked out, just as confused as she was before. Or perhaps there was no easy way to look at it. She had to choose between this love or life. And if she had to choose, the answer should be life, right?

Before she could process her own doubts, she felt a familiar twinge forming around her temple. She stumbled a couple of steps before she could catch herself. She gritted her teeth as she forced her vision to focus, realisation dawning on her.

She was already starting to remember another lifetime.

Tomorrow , she thought as she headed straight for her car. I’ll start figuring out everything tomorrow .

‘Bro, look at this. Someone did this for their history project last year.’ Ross tapped Jones’s shoulder, holding out his phone for him to see the video playing. Jones squinted at the screen before taking the phone.

A jolt went through him as he spotted Dani sitting in a living room, wearing a floor-length dress holding her cello.

There was another Black girl, dark-skinned with straight hair formed into a fancy updo, sitting next to her in a Regency-era dress.

Dani started playing Mozart as the girl calmly sipped tea for a few seconds.

Then, another girl, also Black and dressed up, walked up behind the two and Dani transitioned to another song as the third girl started to dance behind the pair.

He smiled as he recognised the melody to a song he helped Jair with, reading the caption, ‘When Black people enter the history chat.’ He chuckled as he handed his friend the phone back. He remembered Dani mentioning that she was helping her friend with a video the last time they talked.

‘Dope,’ he said. ‘I see Carver’s protégé is as good as he says she is.’

‘What?’ Ross tapped the screen to replay the video. ‘Oh, is that the girl he introduced to us? What’s her name? Dina… Diane…’

‘Dani,’ Jones filled in, his smile becoming softer, but he schooled his expression as Ross looked up. He snapped and pointed at Jones.

‘That’s it! I’m surprised you remembered it.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘Nigga, you barely remember my name half the time.’

He chuckled. ‘She’s fine. You’re not.’