Page 4

CHAPTER 4

LATHAN

The week between preseason and the regular season always felt the longest. It didn’t help that my mother had used it to her advantage this year to con me into attending a charity gala last night. It made me wish our schedule wasn’t public knowledge so she didn’t have such easy access to it. Though I wouldn’t put it past her to bribe someone in the front office to give her the information regardless.

Today was our last practice before we had a day off, and I planned to stay in my apartment and not interact with anyone for twenty-four hours. It was as much for their benefit as it was mine. I needed to center myself before the season started, and between all the distractions thus far, my ordinarily calm exterior was cracking at an alarming rate.

I had to stay in control. If I lost it, no telling what horrors would rain down on me. It wasn’t something I was willing to risk.

“Pick up the pace, Fahn!” Coach barked, and I crushed the smirk that wanted to grow. I shouldn’t be plotting against my teammate, but no part of me wanted Miller on the same line as me. Begrudgingly, I could admit he had talent, but the fact my body knew precisely where he was on the ice at all times was a problem—a huge, distracting problem.

It would be better if he was moved to the third line. Then, I could focus on what I did best—playing great hockey.

“Sorry, Coach. I’ll do better,” Miller said back.

I finished my drills and skated to the bench to grab a drink. The equipment manager handed me a bottle, and I nodded my thanks. I rested against the side while everyone else finished up. Miller and Bell joined me a few minutes later, but I ignored them. Or, I tried to. But Miller spoke so loudly it was hard not to eavesdrop.

Honestly, I didn’t care about their conversation. At. All.

“Still stuck in the rental?” Bell asked.

“Ugh. It’s the worst. The neighbors are either shouting the entire night or, you know, making up for it.”

Bell laughed. “It’s so cute you can’t say fucking.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Miller’s cheeks turned a deeper red. A pit in my stomach opened, and I turned away.

“Any luck on finding a new place?”

“Not yet. The insurance claim is delayed until they determine the cause of the fire. So, in the meantime, I’m stuck. I’m almost excited about going on the road just to escape this place.”

I’d heard about his apartment building catching fire a week ago. It sucked to be upended from your home, and I was thankful it hadn’t happened to me. Never mind the slight relief I’d felt when I heard he hadn’t been there. It was merely because he was a teammate; losing someone at the start would be bad for the team. I didn’t need anything else disrupting my schedule or routine. That was all.

“Hey, I'm just throwing this out there, but if I can get Coach to lift the stupid babysitting order he's got me under with Harrison, you wanna look at apartments?" Bell offered.

My insides turned molten at his words.

“Bell!” I interrupted. The two guys jolted and turned toward me, almost like they hadn’t known I was there. “Shouldn’t you be running drills with Harrison instead of gossiping?”

“I wasn’t—” he started with a frown before stopping himself. Was it because my eyes promised death if he continued to talk ? We would never know. “Whatever, dude,” he mumbled and skated off.

“What’s your problem?” Miller asked.

“I don’t have a problem.”

“Sure you don’t. I’m doing what you said and staying away from you, so how about you take your own advice and stay away from me, too?”

“For me to stay away from you would mean you’d have to register on my radar. Newsflash, you don’t.” My eyes trailed over him as disgust pulled at my lips.

Miller’s face turned redder, but this time, it was no doubt from anger and not arousal. The whistle blew before he could respond, and I secretly wished Coach had waited a few more minutes. I was dying to hear what he would have said. There was something about poking the affable guy that lit me up inside.

Except you shouldn’t care about that.

Shoving all my emotions down, I fell back into my routine and followed along with my teammates as we transitioned from the ice to the weight room. I was one of the first there, so I started my rotations without any prompts. I was on my second station when the rest of the team entered. Their laughter and chatter filled the space, so I shoved my earbuds in and tuned them out.

Despite my focus, I couldn’t help but watch Miller and Bell. Were they that good of friends already? Or was there something there? They were both out in the league and new to the team. So, was their friendship more than just being the new guys? To each their own, I suppose. I would never date a teammate—not that I was interested in men. But even if I was, a teammate would be the last person I would get involved with. Too messy with too many possible complications for my career to risk it. Thankfully, I would never have to worry about it.

I didn’t date, nor was I attracted to men. So it was a moot point.

After finishing my stations, I headed to cool down before hitting the showers. Another advantage of being first in was getting into the showers before everyone else. I washed up and stood under the spray for a few minutes, letting it massage my muscles. At the sound of others coming into the locker room, I turned off my shower and dried off. With my towel wrapped around me, I returned to my locker to dress.

A missed call from my brother halted me, and I immediately pulled out my phone to call him back.

“Is everything okay?” I asked when he answered.

“Hey, bro. Everything’s fine.”

I sucked in air and sat when my head became fuzzy. It took me a few seconds to realize Landon had continued to speak.

“I’m sorry, repeat that.”

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I was hoping you could do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Thank you. Miller’s not the cleanest roommate, but he’s good.”

“Wait. What does Miller have to do with the favor?” A cold sweat broke out across my bare skin. I glanced down, noticing I was still only in my towel.

“He needs a place to stay, and you have that extra room. I figured he could crash with you until he can find a new place. The rental he’s in is horrible. Not only are his neighbors loud, but the bed is two sizes too small for his tall frame. Plus, it’s an hour drive from the facility.”

“And this is my problem, how?”

Landon sighed. “I know you don’t like people in your space, but like I said, it would be a huge favor to me. He’s a good guy and wants to do well on the Aces, but he’s barely getting any sleep. He was talking to Reese last night, and I thought maybe you could help him. It wouldn’t be forever.”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Lathan, come on. You’d barely know he was there.”

It was unlikely since my body seemed to know where he was at any time he was within a hundred yards of me.

“I don’t care. My space is my domain, and I can’t have anything messing with my routine. You know this. He can go to a hotel.”

“It’s not the same, and you know it. Besides, we spend enough time in hotels on the road. No one wants to sleep in one when they’re home.”

“Not happening.” My hands were shaking at the thought of him in my space—the one place I didn’t have to pretend. There was no way I could make it through one day with him there. It just wasn’t possible.

“Okay. I had to ask.”

Thankfully, Landon let it go after that. We chatted for a few more minutes before we hung up. I stared out into the locker room in a daze as it filled with noise. A body sat next to me, and I jumped.

“You good?” Samson asked.

“Yeah. Fine.”

“Hm, then why are you still in a towel?”

I glanced down, somehow forgetting I hadn’t gotten dressed yet. “Fuck.” I jumped up and pulled out my clothes, dressing with jerky movements as I covered myself. I wasn’t shy or body-conscious; I just didn’t like being on display. It was another reason I typically finished first: to be dressed before the rest of the team.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“Nope. I’m good. See you in a few days.” I grabbed my bag and keys before strutting out of the locker room. I needed to get out of here. There was too much clouding my mind; if I didn’t get time to clear it, there would be no telling what I might do. That wasn’t something I could gamble with. I had to be in control. There was no other choice.

Almost on cue, my mother sent me a message about my performance at last night's gala.

Mom: You were dressed impeccably last night, darling.

Mom: You need to work on your face. Half of the guests thought you were two seconds away from snapping a chair in half and hitting someone over the head with it.

Mom: Considering one of my platforms is anti-violence, that is not a good look for my son to have.

Mom: See you in a few weeks, darling.

Gripping my phone in my hand, I made a detour and opened the first door I came to. It was a dark supply closet and, thankfully, empty. Pressing my fists against the door, I leaned into it as I breathed.

Do better. Be more. Hide who you are.

I knew my mom loved me, but when she got into campaign mode, she made me feel like I’d never measure up. She hated that I played hockey but had been willing to overlook my profession as long as I kept my public image clean.

It wasn’t hard to do. I didn’t put myself in situations to be taken advantage of. But every now and then, the pressure became overwhelming. This was happening far quicker into the season than usual. If things didn’t simmer down, it did not bode well for the rest of the year.

Breathing deeply, I focused on my mantra: “I am enough. I am in control. I can overcome this.” After ten minutes of breathing and repeating the phrases over and over in my head, my heart rate decreased, and the pressure in my chest lessened. I wasn’t one hundred percent in control, but it was better.

Voices filtered toward me, and I paused when I recognized one of them.

“Thanks again for the other night. I know it didn’t end the way we both intended, but I still had fun.”

“What are the odds?” Miller laughed, and my heart picked up speed. “I had a good time though.” What the fuck? Who was this guy, and why was Miller hanging out with him? My hand gripped the doorknob, and my fingers throbbed from how tightly I held it.

“Good. So I hope I’m not out of line when I suggest this, but I heard about your predicament, and I happen to have a spare room you could rent until you find a new place.”

“Oh, really? Yeah, I might?—”

Shoving open the door, I smiled at the two when they jumped at my appearance. I inserted myself between them and peered from Miller to the other guy. Why did he look familiar?

“What are we talking about?” I asked.

“Toby and I were just talking.” Miller glared at me and crossed his arms.

Toby. God, I suddenly hated that name. Slapping my hand onto Toby’s shoulder, I squeezed hard as I stared at the man. Only when I noticed his shirt did I realize who he was—the equipment manager.

“So, Toby. What are we talking about? Hm?”

“Oh.” He swallowed and looked between me and Miller. “I was just telling Miller how I had a spare room he could use.”

My mouth spoke of its own free will. It was the only reason I could fathom the words that escaped my mouth. No way I would willingly say them.

“No need, Tobs. Bambi’s staying with me. Now, don’t you have blades to sharpen?”

Much to my dismay, he was not scared off by me. He glanced between me and Miller before nodding. “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you, Miller.”

Miller didn’t respond back. He was too busy scowling. It was cute. He looked like a baby deer trying to stare down a lion. He was way in over his head. He just didn’t know it.

That’s okay, Bambi. I’ll remind you.