Page 10

CHAPTER 10

LATHAN

Since my night with Miller, I’d realized two things—he was right, and I was a coward. We won our next game, and I had a season-high night with two goals and four assists, two of which were to Miller, who also scored. He gave me a smug smile each time he put the biscuit in the basket, which made my face heat. My only saving grace was knowing my face was red from gameplay, and there was no way he knew how he affected me.

I avoided him that night in the apartment, determined to hold my ground. I couldn’t let myself fall into his trap again. He made me reckless, and that was dangerous—too dangerous.

Hence my cowardice.

I’d become a pro at sneaking in and out of the apartment to avoid running into him. Not that it made me think of him less. His presence was everywhere. From the notes on the food he made for me, to the stray sock that Alaska had stolen, or the whiff of his cologne I’d catch around the place, there was no denying his existence.

And in the places I couldn’t ignore him—on the ice and in the locker room—I sought him out like the fiend I was. Any glimpse of him I could get, I’d take, even if I hated every second of it. Watching him with Bell or the fucking equipment manager made my blood boil. But I couldn’t have him. So I avoided him and soaked up his sunshine in small sips when I could.

It wasn’t enough.

Deep down, I knew it would never be enough, but it didn’t stop me from avoiding him in public and craving him in private.

We lost our next game against Washington, and I almost caved. I’d stood at my door debating opening it for hours, but I couldn’t. If he’d barged in, I wouldn’t have fought him, but somehow, I knew he needed me to make the move after leaving his bed like I had. We were locked in a chess match, and I wasn’t willing to sacrifice any of my pieces.

By some miracle, we won the next game against his former team, but it wasn’t due to our line. I played like shit, and Miller hadn’t fared any better. Unfortunately, we carried that funk into the Global series and lost back-to-back against Florida in Finland. We had a few days off before our next game, and I needed to get my head back on hockey.

The problem was, I couldn’t untangle thoughts of Miller and hockey anymore, which was the only reason I found myself following him when he left the apartment that evening.

“Sir, some might consider this stalking,” James said.

“Thank you for your sage wisdom, but I’m merely ensuring my teammate is safe. I’m a concerned citizen and teammate, not a stalker.”

I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like James snorted bullshit, but I was too focused on Miller and the man he’d met up with to care.

Did he have to touch this asshole so much? Fuck. I wanted to rip this guy’s hands off for being that close to him. Not that I cared. Obviously, I was only concerned he’d get sick, and then we’d be down a player tomorrow. Yeah. That was why this rage filled me.

Okay, so maybe there were three things I’d realized: Miller was right, I was a coward, and I was obsessed with him.

Admitting that to myself felt good, and all the energy I’d spent denying it evaporated. Miller and his companion disappeared into the bar, taking them out of my purview. I squared my shoulders, and before I could talk myself out of it, I opened my door.

“Wait here,” I ordered a second before I slammed the door.

I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got inside, but I’d figure it out like I did any play on the ice—assess, plan, and act.

It had served me well in my career, so I didn’t see why it wouldn’t here, too.

Except when I stepped into the dimly lit bar and saw Miller’s curls dangerously close to the asshole, all logical plans went out the window, and I reacted.

Shoving my way through the crowd, for once, I didn’t care if I was recognized. My goal was the sexy brunette with hazel eyes that stole my breath and befuddled my brain with one touch.

His companion noticed me first and lifted his pea-green eyes to mine. Shock and awe flashed in them as Miller clued into my presence.

“You’re Lathan Silver,” the interloper said.

“Leave,” I grunted. The man squeaked and glanced at Miller, making my anger rise. “Don’t look at him.” His eyes widened, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t care how this looked, how this would affect my mother, or how this might blow back on me.

Miller rolled his eyes at me and took a swig of his drink. “Hello, Roomie . Nice to see you here. What can we do for you tonight?”

“You’re coming with me,” I gritted out. The urge to grab and haul him out of there was strong, but I had enough mindset to know the optics wouldn’t look good. So I curled my hands into fists at my side and exhaled so harshly my nostrils flared.

Miller sighed and leaned too close for my liking to the guy. He whispered something in his ear before standing and stepping closer to me. My breath caught as he peered down at me, a mischievous smirk on his face. He reached into my pocket, and I swallowed at the contact. My eyes threatened to close at my neediness, but I kept them open. Barely.

Miller pulled out a few bills, tossed them onto the table, and then returned my wallet. Once he was done, he patted my pocket and smirked. “Drinks are on you since you ruined my date,” he said.

Date? Fuck that. The ground beneath me swayed, and I reached out to steady myself. Miller’s smile dropped, and he stepped closer, bringing his unique smell with him.

“Are you okay?” he asked with concern.

I shook my head, hating and loving his concern in the same breath. I didn’t want to want him, but I couldn’t deny it any longer. I needed Miller Fahn more than I needed to toe the line. My sanity depended on it at this point. It felt more reckless to keep avoiding him than to give in.

He said goodbye to his date and ushered me out of the bar. I hadn’t looked to see if anyone else had noticed us. It seemed like the lesser of my worries as I gasped for breath. James had the door open as we approached. This time, I didn’t miss the glance that passed between him and Miller, but again, I couldn’t find it in me to care.

Miller buckled me in with care before sliding in next to me. I hated how much I liked his attention. Had anyone else ever taken care of me this way? My mother never had. Maybe a maid or staff member, but not anyone who wasn’t paid. That much I knew for sure.

My brain wanted to argue he was only doing it because he got something out of it—a place to live. But that argument was flimsy at best. I’d forced him to live with me. He had other options, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of him elsewhere. So, no. Miller wasn’t being friendly to get something from me. It was just who he was.

It was refreshing and terrifying.

“What happened?” he asked once my breathing calmed.

I glanced up and noticed James’s eyes in the rearview mirror watching us. Shaking my head to Miller, I kept myself from speaking until I knew we wouldn’t be overheard. Granted, James could already report what he’d seen to my mother, and that alone was damning, but I didn’t want to add to it. If I was going to give in to Miller, I needed to keep it between us for as long as I could.

Thankfully, he didn’t press, and we sat silently as James drove us back to the apartment. Neither of us spoke as we made our way into the building and rode the elevator. The moment we stepped across the threshold, I knew my time was up.

How did I ask for what I wanted? How did I explain what I needed?

I fumbled with my code on the door and had to enter it three times before I got it right. I could feel Miller’s gaze as we took off our shoes. I walked to the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water. I managed a few sips before he broke.

One hand landed on my hip and squeezed, while the other carefully took the glass and placed it in the sink. When it was free, it joined his other hand on my opposite hip. He stepped closer and removed any space between us as he crowded me into the kitchen counter.

I gulped and found the courage to tilt my head up to meet his eyes. Gold swirled in their depths, and the blue and green were so bright that I couldn’t look away.

“Talk to me. Tell me why you’ve been avoiding me when we’re alone but watching me like you can’t get enough when we’re in public. Make it make sense, Silver.”

I swallowed. “I… I’m scared. I can’t have this, but I want it, and I hate you for that.”

“What do you want, Lathan? I need to hear you say it. I need to know I’m not alone in this.”

“You’re not.” I swallowed again and licked my lips. His gaze followed the movement. He groaned and pressed his groin into mine. The contact had my dick perking up instantly. “I want you. I want what we did. I want more of that. I’m…” I swallowed again. This next part was more difficult to admit. “I’m not experienced. Sexual acts don’t appeal to me. Or at least they hadn’t.” The implied until you was loud. “I’m not used to feeling this way. I don’t know how to do this.”

Miller searched my eyes for a long time before speaking. “You’re making it too complicated, Silver. Did you like what we did?” I nodded. “Then we keep doing that, and if we do something you don’t like, then we stop.”

“And you’d be okay with that?”

“Yes. I’d never make you do something you don’t want. I don’t get off on forcing people.”

“I didn’t think you did,” I rushed to say. “I don’t want to be a disappointment,” I admitted in a whisper.

“Oh, Lath. You have no idea how hard you make me just by looking at me. If what we did was all you’re comfortable with, then I’m good with that.”

“And if I want to try other things?”

“Then we talk about it. No more running away and avoiding me.” He bit his lip, his eyes searching mine. “I want to set some rules.”

“Rules.” I nodded, feeling more at ease. “Okay, I can do rules.”

Miller smiled, and my breath stalled in my chest. “I’d like to revisit that being clothed while in the apartment rule.”

I frowned. “The one you vetoed? I don’t want you to put on more clothes.”

He chuckled. “Not for me. You. I want to have access to every inch of you while I can. Go back to how you were that first night.”

I gulped but nodded in agreement. “I can do that.”

“Good.” He smiled again, and I hated how my heart nearly flipped over itself as if it could reach out to him. Stupid heart. “There’s also no running or hiding, and we talk about things.”

I nodded again. That was mature and acceptable. I’d been acting like a child, and I knew it.

“Is there anything you’d like to add?”

My mind whirled, but I knew if tonight was any indication, I couldn’t deal with him seeing someone else. “No one else while we’re doing this…” I waved between us. “Whatever this is.” It wouldn’t be a hardship for me, considering Miller was the first person I’d had a genuine attraction to, but I knew, based on conversations with my teammates, this might be a deal breaker.

“Exclusive situationship. I’m good with that,” he said casually. My heart calmed at his words.

“And it can only be in here. I can’t…” I shook my head. I couldn’t even say the words.

“No one else has to know, Silver. You, me, and this apartment. Sounds like the title of a bad porno.” He laughed, and the rest of my tension receded.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never watched one.”

His eyes widened, and I wasn’t sure who was more surprised—him at my statement or me at admitting it.

“Oh, the things I have to teach you, Silver,” he purred and leaned forward to kiss me.

Everything felt right the instant our lips touched. The clawing sensation I’d felt inside my chest dissipated and was replaced with calmness.

I hated that I’d given in to this need, that I hadn’t been stronger to resist his pull, but the way his body felt against mine, with his lips making their way down my body, I couldn’t find the strength to care. So I’d enjoy this for as long as it lasted and ignore the dumpster fire it would be when it ended.

Because it would end. That was one thing I knew irrevocably. For the first time, I wanted to enjoy something before it crashed and burned. I would be selfish and take what I wanted, consequences be damned.