Page 12

CHAPTER 12

LATHAN

I’d clearly lost my fucking mind because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stay away from Miller Fahn. I fought against him, but we both knew it was fake. I wanted everything he was willing to give me.

It had been two weeks since I’d ruined his date, and we’d come to our new arrangement—an exclusive situationship. We’d played three home and three away games, and had only lost one. The Aces were on a hot streak, and I couldn’t deny any longer that Miller had a point. Orgasms were good stress relief.

I still had no idea what I was doing. I’d never been led by sexual desire, so to have this sudden awakening was maddening. I was hard all the time, and no matter how many orgasms Miller wrung out of me, I never hit my limit. Not that he seemed to mind. It was almost as if he took it as a challenge to see where my line was.

The other stuff—the constant touching and talking—wasn’t as horrible as I’d expected. I’d never been one for physical intimacy or conversation, but Miller didn’t let me get away with avoiding it. It was nice to have someone push back and not give in because of my last name. I hadn’t realized how rare that was outside of my brother.

But I wouldn’t let him know. I couldn’t let him have that power over me.

“Good morning, Silver,” he greeted as I strolled into the kitchen. He was grinning way too much for this time of the morning. I grunted and took my spot on the island. We’d already run our five miles and showered—separately, despite his attempts. I only let him get away with that when I was boneless from orgasms.

Miller always managed to beat me to the kitchen and had already started breakfast. Not that I minded. He was a way better cook than I was. I pretended to hate it, but the way I devoured everything on my plate was probably a dead giveaway to my ruse.

He winked and set a cup of coffee before me before returning to the stove and granting me unfettered access to his backside. Hockey had been good to him. His back muscles should be illegal, and the way his ass looked in his tiny boxers was pornographic. It was plump and perfectly round. It was my weakness, and it never ceased to get me hard.

Staring at it now, my cock thickened in my sweats, and I shifted to press down on it. I didn’t want to come across as needy. I was, but I liked to pretend it wasn’t that obvious. There were limits to how much weakness I could show others, and Miller saw more than anyone. There was no way I could give him the rest of my power. So, despite my obvious addiction to him, I wanted to delude myself for as long as possible that I had some control.

“Thanks,” I mumbled before sipping the liquid gold. This was already my third cup, but the one he made for me always tasted better. The man was a bonafide slob and messier than toddlers on a candy high, but he made the best coffee. Damn him.

“I was thinking, we have today off, so we should go out and do something.”

I froze and peered at him over my coffee mug. His back was still to me as he plated a piece of the fluffy frittata. My mouth watered at the sight, and he temporarily distracted me as he passed me the plate and took a seat on the stool next to me. My eyes lingered over his bare skin and the bulge in his boxers.

“Well?” he asked, and I drew my gaze up to his smirking face.

It took me a second to remember the question, and I scowled. “What part of only in this apartment made you think going out together would be okay, Bambi?”

Miller rolled his eyes and took a large bite. A piece of egg and cheese stuck to his chin before falling to the ground. Alaska gobbled it up and didn’t look guilty as he licked his paws. Not that I could blame him. Miller’s table manners were about as good as his cleaning—nonexistent.

“Chill, Silver Spoon. I’m not going to hold your hand or grope you in public. We’ve been on the road half the time since we started this, and I’ve held to our agreement, haven’t I?” He lifted his brow.

“Yes,” I gritted out, and he smiled wide.

“See, nothing to fear.” I scowled harder. While I’d been the one to insist on the rule, I also despised it. I hated how easily he could go from giving me all of his attention when we were in this apartment to pretending I didn’t exist outside of it. It was what I wanted. Except…

No, there was no except . This was all I could have.

“What do you think?” he asked as he finished off his plate of food.

“Huh?” I glanced down and realized I hadn’t even touched mine yet.

“Farmer’s Market and then hitting up a popular food truck.”

I turned to my plate and scooped a large bite into my mouth in lieu of answering. For the first time since he started cooking for me, I didn’t savor the taste. The egg turned to ash in my mouth as I digested his words. For once, I didn’t have a mile-long list of obligations I needed to complete for my mother, meaning my day was wide open. Yet, I hesitated. Why was I hesitating?

Because I really wanted to say yes, and that terrified me.

“Come on, Silver. Just think of all the yummy things I can make for you?”

“Not interested,” I mumbled around my next bite.

“Fine,” he sighed and stood to take his plate to the sink. His phone rang on the counter, and he smiled as he picked it up. “Hey, good timing. I was just about to head to the Farmer’s Market and try out that food truck. Want to?—”

I was out of my seat and across the kitchen faster than I could process what I was doing. One second, I was eating, and the next, I ripped the phone from Miller’s hands and hit the disconnect button.

“What the fudge?” he grumbled and reached for the phone. I lifted it over my head, but it didn’t do much, considering he was a few inches taller than me. My following action could only be explained by low blood sugar and lack of coffee.

Instead of giving in and returning his phone like a mature adult, I flung it across the room, and it smashed right into my TV.

“Mothertrucker.”

I stared, stunned at the sight of the protruding object, and, not for the first time, wondered what in the hell had come over me.

“Get dressed. We’re leaving in five,” I ordered and stalked out of the room without a glance back. My hands were shaking when I entered my bathroom. Staring into the mirror, I took several deep breaths, but the anxious restlessness I felt under my skin didn’t disappear. Turning on the sink, I splashed cold water on my face. Finally, the jitteriness dissipated enough that I could change into clothes. I texted my driver and checked around the room. It felt like I was forgetting something, but I had everything I needed.

When I couldn’t linger any longer, I walked back down the hallway and ignored the TV as I passed it. I’d message someone while we were gone and have it taken care of. I couldn’t keep it around. It was an obvious sign of my weakness.

I stumbled to a stop at the sight of Miller waiting by the door. He was dressed casually in shorts and a T-shirt. His ankles crossed as he leaned back against the door, looking the epitome of relaxed. I scowled deeper.

“Move, the car is waiting.”

“Not until we talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. You wanted to go. I’m going. End of discussion.”

He assessed me, his critical eyes observing more than I wanted. To my surprise, he moved away from the door to let me pass. He was quiet as we made our way to the front of the building. Typically, I’d prefer the silence to his incessant questions, but today, it irked me.

He smiled and greeted the doorman and James. My brows deepened at the gesture. So he could talk to everyone else, just not me?

We rode in silence for ten minutes before I broke.

“Why aren’t you talking?” I barked. He merely shrugged and kept his gaze out the window. “Bambi, I swear to God, if you don’t start talking, you’ll regret it.”

“First, you told me to stop talking, and now you’re telling me to talk. Color me confused, Silver Spoon.”

I clenched my jaw. I didn’t get angry. I didn’t let emotion rule me. I wasn’t my father. The mere thought of him had my blood cooling. Outside of bringing my stepbrother, Landon, into my life, he’d been nothing but a disappointment. Emotional and physical abuse were all he knew. I still didn’t understand how he’d convinced the great Evangeline Silver or Ava Sharpe to marry him. One could be considered a fluke, but two great women falling for the likes of him was unheard of.

They’d both wised up eventually, but not before the damage had already been done. I’d felt relieved when hockey had taken me away from him, making it so I only had to do visitation with him on the weekends. He’d lessened the torture, and I’d dumbly believed it was because he was happy with his new wife. Learning he’d only switched from bullying me to Landon was a gut punch. I was still angry with Landon for keeping it to himself for so long, but I understood.

My father had a way of making you feel two feet tall and that you deserved the hatred he poured on you.

Thankfully, he was no longer in either Landon’s or my life. I’d cut him out the second I came home winter break and found him punching my brother.

So, no. I didn’t get angry. I wasn’t my father.

Releasing my fist, I spread my fingers out on my thigh and took a few minutes to count my breaths. I’d been skipping out on my meditation, and it showed.

“I’m sorry for throwing your phone. That was uncalled for. I’ll have it replaced,” I said in a smooth and calm voice.

Miller snorted, and some of my calm facade receded. “Ah, so we’re back to robot Lathan. And here I thought I was finally getting to see the real you.”

“Violence is never the answer,” I barked.

“Not disagreeing. What you did was uncalled for.”

I spun toward him. “Then why won’t you accept my apology?” I seethed.

Miller gripped my jaw in one hand and placed the other on my thigh. Both hands bit into me. Hard.

“I accept your apology, Silver. What I don’t accept is you hiding yourself. Tell me why you threw my phone.”

“It was nothing.”

“Baloney.”

Why did I like it so much that even when he was mad, he didn’t cuss? It was… dare I say… cute?

His eyes flashed, and his hand slipped further up my thigh. The longer he held the pressure, the more my body relaxed into his touch. I didn’t want to think too much about why his touch soothed me when everyone else stressed me out.

“Give me an honest answer, Silver,” he whispered. His breath ghosted across my lips, and I settled even more. All the tension I’d been carrying was gone, and I was two seconds away from melting into the seat.

I licked my lips and didn’t miss how Miller’s body trembled when my tongue grazed his fingers. “I don’t know,” I answered before I could stop myself.

Miller smirked and leaned closer. “I think you do; you’re just too scared to admit it. That’s okay, Lath. I’m patient, remember?”

I shivered at the use of my shortened name. God, I loved it when he said it all breathlessly. The car rolled to a stop, and Miller let go of me in the next second. He was out of the car before I could protest. I joined him a minute later and hated how far away he was as we walked through the Farmer’s Market. He was talking and laughing like nothing had happened, but I couldn’t forget the feel of his touch or the way his words burrowed their way into my skull.

I’d been jealous, and he knew it. So why did admitting it feel like everything I’d known up until now would crumble beneath me?

My subconscious urged that Miller would be there to catch me, but my intrusive thoughts shot that out of the sky.

It was too risky, and I was already risking too much. This facsimile of a dream was all I could have. There was no use hoping for more.

Hope was for weak people, and I wasn’t weak.